Thursday, March 1, 2018

Fifty Shades Of Grey

 via: Pinterest Sibella Court


No, the Post Topic is not going to be what you Think... we're not going THERE... Winks... but where we are going I wrestled with whether or not to go at all.  Would it be Helpful is what it came down to and I'm constantly thinking along those lines lately... if something will or will not be Helpful?   Some Topics are just messy, but Life can be messy... and Caregiving is certainly messy. Constantly so, things tend to turn on a dime and be Challenging to Extremes and thus Life is constantly in a State of perpetual upheaval and almost always bordering on Chaos or outright Tragedy it seems!   And when you're blindsided by the Epic Incidents, which are a Given, well, you just hang on by your thread of Sanity to work thru it as best you can.  Going to pieces is rarely Helpful in those situations and so you just don't.  Besides, it's not a Luxury you could afford anyway to lose your Shit, no matter what transpires, just keep it together, keep as Calm as you can manage and hold it down some kind of way... even if by rote.




I decided I could leave out Personal Details of our recent Epic Crisis and it could still be Helpful to enter into dialogue on the Old Blog about the Topic.  Besides, it's way Cheaper than Therapy and I don't have to pay none of you to Listen and be Heard.  *Winks*   Caregiving, it rarely comes with any form of Manual, intensive Training or Present Help as to how Best to Care for the Dependent Loved Ones in your Care.  Regardless of the Scope of their Disabilities and peculiarities associated with their specific Illness, Injury or overall Diagnosed Condition that requires they need a Caregiver... you'll be mostly Winging it daily.  You will be on your own trying desperately to figure it out as you go and attempt to maintain a semblance of Normalcy, Peace, Harmony and Order in your Home with the Best level of unskilled Care possible.  I say attempt because rarely is that going to be your Reality, lets be Real... it will just be Abnormally Normal, with little Peace, Sleep, Harmony, Skill or Order since unpredictability and instability is your new Foundation to try to build Life upon.  There will be at least fifty shades of Grey area on how Best to handle anything that goes sideways... it'll be totally up to your Judgment, count on THAT!




The Medical Community will always inform you of the Grim News and statistics, but rarely, if ever, will they offer any viable Solutions to Living it out daily at Home.  You know, where they will eventually send your Loved One if you can't afford Long Term Care or would prefer they be in a Safe Loving Environment opposed to Institutionalization.  With the trite Good Luck with that and we Hope it all Works out... which I've heard ad nauseum over the years from every Specialist or Doc when Dealing with the scope of Serious Mental Illness, Traumatic Brain Injury or Physical Disability in a Loved One.  What is Best for them, The System AND your Loved One, might not always be Best for YOU, the Caregiver though.  You will be left hanging in the breeze and balance to Cope with whatever happens and any damage control it might necessitate if things really spiral out of Control!  Don't expect the Cavalry to Rush in and Rescue anyone just coz things went to Shit, it never happens, they're not coming... so don't hold your breath waiting for that Savior.  If Christ Himself don't come down to assist you, even Spiritually, you're on your own baby.  I like to Imagine Jesus is with me all the time just so I don't Feel alone in it though and utterly Hopeless when I don't know what to do... or to just Be Still and know He is God... so leave Him to handle it on my behalf when I've done all I can and know to do.




Because most of the time you really don't know what the Hell you are doing because you have no actual Training, particular set of Skills, just gut instincts and loads of Experience in just Winging it and finding out what MIGHT Work... or fail miserably... and how to Cope while Experimenting like that with each Crisis that arises.  Think fast on your feet, while hitting the ground running becomes your reaction to when the Shit hits the proverbial fan at Home... or out in Public, since Extreme Caregiving has no boundaries of where or when things can and will go to Shit and to Hell in a hand basket!   Oh, I've got some doozies of Stories I could tell... in Gallows Humor now that we've Survived it all... and you will laugh, you won't be able to help yourself, I know I do!  But in The Moment, well, it just ain't funny... it may be Surreal and sometimes even Detached like an out of body Experience as you remain Stoic just to get thru it, but rarely are you Laughing on the inside, no matter how ludicrous and Insane what you are Dealing with is.  It can sound funny, like a lot of Dark Comedy always does in the re-telling of it... and it makes for some good fodder Survivalist Stories of what you can endure and actually Survive, because you can't make Shit like this up, my Imagination at least could never be that fertile to Dream Up situations I've had to Deal with while Caregiving!  




Or some of the ludicrous Shit and Terminology the Professionals will use while you're consulting with them on how to Survive the whole damned Ordeal!?  Such as a Psychotic Episode, which really is a broad Terminology for a lot of really hairy Shit you may be encountering with your Loved One who is out of touch with Reality at times, or even all of the time... or most of the time... or whenever... as it crops up and rears it's ugly head, rarely on Cue and you never know how long it will last.  If you have never, ever, had to try to reason or logically Deal with a person in the throes of that, Word Up, don't bother, better to visit their Planet as a Guest than to try to bring them back to Earth just yet as an unwilling hostage... you'll only agitate them further and then things can get really hairy and even scary!  And by the Terminology for Agitated I mean bat shit Crazy flipping out and Impossible to Manage!  Yep, Caregiving can get downright dangerous, depending on how large, how super humanly strong or how out of Control the Loved One has suddenly become and how Best suited you are to Manage that Successfully?  The System will not Care, well, not until the worst possible case scenarios happen anyway... and by then, day late, dollar short.  So you have to personally gauge when a 911 Call may be imminent or can you actually handle this without the Police and the Men in White Coats being called in?!  So there's lots of holes to fall thru and no guarantee of Safe Landings. 




So, it's SO UNLIKE when someone is having a Medical Crisis you know... I've Dealt with Strokes and Heart Attacks and all manner of Medical Crisis and it's SO MUCH EASIER coz you can expect actual Help that might Work.  And a response Team to show up that is capable of handling the situation without anyone getting hurt if someone over-reacts and makes a poor Judgment Call of their own because they aren't Trained for that Shit well enough, if at all?  So, you always hesitate to call for Help because the Help might escalate an already bad situation and just make it worse, or potentially Life Threatening, which nobody wants.  Fine line to walk, as you navigate thru potentially treacherous waters on your own and with no Lifeboat or Preserver to keep you from going under... tread water and remember to Breathe... Ommmmmmm.   For the sake of Privacy let us just say that a Crisis occurred recently between all three of my Loved Ones to where they escalated amongst themselves to critical mass stage.  They tend to fall like Dominos anyway when you're Caregiver to more than one, then the whole House of Cards goes to Shit!




My House of Cards went to Shit, went totally Sideways and turned Upside Down, we're still recovering from the effects of it all actually and may for some time... or Forever, I'm just not Sure yet.   I do know The Man wants desperately to have his own Independence back, that is not something I can Give him... I'm not a Miracle Worker or God... I can't undo his brain damage.  I do know he doesn't Cope so well having Family around him anymore, but he didn't Cope so well being Institutionalized either and frankly none of them wanted him... too much Work and Expense for a used up Old Disabled Veteran... I'm pretty sure they have him on the Hurry Up And Die Plan, but he's tenacious and tough as Old Boots Bless his Heart!   I know you see those Commercials, you know, the ones that Sponsor Men like him like 3rd World Children... don't know who they're Sponsoring, sure ain't us.  You'd be Amazed at how many Charitable Organizations are so Selective on who is Helped and who is not a 'Candidate'.   Just sayin'... it's not a level Playing Field as to who receives adequate Services or any Services for that matter.  You can have a slew of Caseworkers and still receive no Real and relevant Help, been there, done that, it's exhausting really and just too many Useless paid People who are not being Helpful.




Your situation probably won't change one iota no matter who they send you to actually and that's the most difficult part of Mental Health and Brain Damage conditions... nothing much actually Works or Heals or Cures... it's all rather Experimental really.  So Families get desperate and try all kinds of Treatments... with some measures of Success sometimes and some Snake Oil Peddler Useless Predatory Types that make a buck off the desperation and suffering.   Then there is the Western Medicine that is 'approved' but that does NOT MEAN it isn't dangerous, addictive or terribly damaging in it's extreme side effects... just watch those Commercials hawking it and then others suing for the damage and deaths it's caused!   Sometimes those Commercials are on back to back even, how very ironic!  So you've got to, as a Consumer, try to recall which ones have those Side Effects you really don't wanna risk when weighed against what you're taking them for???  Is that the one that causes Amputation or Death... or just Sexual Malfunction, Tumors and Suicidal Thoughts?  Depends on what sounds more awful to you I Guess?




So, right now things are Calmer... the Chaos is now not at Threat-Com Code Red... downgraded to more like a Code Yellow or some other Color Spectrum where nobody dies or goes completely Mad while Dealing with it.  The Man wants to 'Live' exclusively in our Bedroom right now like that's his House and the rest of Villa Boheme' is ours... and make Plans to go Hunt Caribou North of the Arctic Circle... I kid you not.  He's not Sharing, Coping nor getting along and playing Well with others right now so we're just holding Space for him until he's less unstable and can be Socialized again.  It's like trying to tame and Socialize a Wild Animal really once Brain Damage has occurred, a Pet Tiger might even be more predictable and warm up to having people around better?!  The Force, well, she's Home Sick and has been thus in broody antagonistic provoking mode so I'm keeping her away from everyone... and he's Coping pretty well considering the melee and unusual set of circumstances playing out in Real Time until Grandpa returns to our Planet from where ever his Head is at right now?  So for now anyway everyone can still live under one roof, and my Goal is to attempt to keep it that way... Tall Order... but Seriously what other Options do we have, nobody has anyplace else to actually go... so ya gotta make it Work.




*******

Blessings, Love, Light and Peace radiating outward from within even while externally it's fifty shades of Hellish right now... Dawn... The Bohemian

10 comments:

  1. Sending light from Australia and virtual hugs to lighten your load a tiny tiny bit, my dear faithful Dawn. xo Jazzy Jack

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    1. Thank you so much Jack, I appreciate it, things are slowly but surely Calming down and returning to our 'Normal', which is a relief that this Episode was not protracted nor unduly prolonged... Whew!

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  2. So sorry, Dawn. Virtual hugs and light from Florida, too.

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    1. Thank You Colette, things have been much better Today and I took him out to Lunch and for a long lovely drive since our weather improved and made a joyride pleasant. Getting out of the house is sometimes what we need, the transition to this Rural Lifestyle has not been so easy in spite of having a lovely Home... the walls kinda close in on you and make everyone cross with one another. A restless Spirit is a difficult thing to Tame.

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  3. Dawn, my sweet friend, I've been worried sick about you. I know you don't want this advice, but please, please, tell Social Services what's happening, and then get the Hell out of there. Just for a while, until you can get your head into a peaceful place. They won't die without you, but you are going to end up in a worse state than they are if you don't take your own situation seriously NOW. Please forgive me for this unwanted opinion, but you will soon be in no state to look after them, let alone yourself. Don't embrace self-sacrifice. It won't do any good for anyone. Sorry to be so blunt, but you are on the road to self destruction, and that should never happen to a caring, loving person like you. It's got to the point, that if you don't put yourself first now, the whole house of cards will come falling down around you all. You're not a super hero, but a super woman who has had to shoulder too much for any one person. Please, Dawn shift some of the load to others and give yourself time to get your head together.

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    1. Social Services has been no Help in the Past, Present and I doubt in the Future either. And yours is not at all an unwanted opinion, I am in complete Agreement in fact with your assessment and have known this Truth for quite some time. Which is why I do cherish the time I can get 'away'. The Rural Life complicated the situation more than I expected it would since everything that is a welcome respite is now further away so I'd like to move back to the City whenever that is possible. Big Moves are exhausting and expensive, but I'll have to make that happen too eventually. Things are returning to our 'Normal' again, the ups and downs of Caring for anyone with Mental Health and Brain Injury is a constant. I expect that and it's such a delicate balance when Help is scarce, but not such an uncommon thing for almost every other Caregiver I know. Thank You for the Kind and Caring Words of Wisdom reminding me to find creative ways to decompress when it all becomes quite overwhelming. Virtual Hugs to you my Friend!

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  4. Dear Dawn, well first of all, I'm not I'm not good at hunting but I do have a kind of a fascination with caribou and I would love to go north of the Arctic Circle. Maybe the man in myself could go up there just for a day or two to give you a break. My mouth actually Waters when I think of dried reindeer even though I've been mostly vegetarian for almost 4 years. I think it's a past life thing, smile. I hope things ease up. You're in a tough spot. I know that there is no easy solutions and there's no easy relief other either. As someone who provides care to my family I know that finding support is really challenging. It sounds like you made a wise move and letting the man have his space for the moment. I hope things also stabilize for the GeForce. Sending you much support and love from the West Coast. Zc

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    1. You made me Smile about the Caribou Hunt Thing... and I Thank You for understanding completely that finding Support is really challenging. When I did 'qualify' for marginal Help back before he was this well rehabilitated {by the Children and I, Neurological Rehab had Given Up on him} the 'Help' would either never come back a 2nd time or wouldn't show up at all, which was more upsetting and chaotic for everyone than not having any. We are now back in a place of Calm and everyone getting along, which is great, this Episode kind of scared the three of them in that they recognized their individual part in how it went so sideways... and that Awareness is something previously they each had more difficulty with so that is indeed an improvement. Being Aware and knowing what to do that would be Better and have a more Positive Outcome is what I'm Training each of them to do as a Life Skill that I Hope will Serve them thruout their Lives, even when I'm not here anymore. Thank You so much for weighing in and giving me a Laugh... I think I am going to encourage him to join his Brother on a less 'exciting' Hunt than North of the Arctic Circle tho', a place I suspect is not known for it's access to Medical Services should an Emergency arise with two stubborn Old Men who forget their limitations??? Winks

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  5. Should be mostly vegetarian for 40 years! Big difference! And yes I do think I must have had a past life in that country because it is really weird but when I think of dried reindeer you know like pemmican like turkey jerky, my mouth actually Waters it's so strange.

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    1. My Mom's Culture did believe in Past Lives strongly and so I'm not at all surprised you have this reaction to certain things, I also do and it's completely Mysterious why some things are inherently drawing me when I don't ever recall them being part of 'this Lifetime' so to speak.

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A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl