Saturday, February 3, 2018

If I Could Turn Back Time

The year was 2014, the grueling Ordeal that would be to finalize the Adoption of The G-Kid Force and jump thru all the hoops to Qualify me as their Adoptive 'Single' Parent, thru whatever means and legal loopholes we could squeeze thru, had made me realize my Beloved Old Homestead would have to go.  I was also deep in the throes of rehabilitating The Man after his Catastrophic and near fatal accident, that had left him with significant brain damage, and Issues were piling up to Critical Mass.   You know how it is when you have those defining Moments in Time where what you HAVE to do is not what you WANT to do, but MUST and Life will never quite be the same anymore?

I'd thrown myself into Projects as a means of distraction, finished up making my Art Studio Cottage into the Dream Studio I always knew it would and could be.  I Loved that place most of all at my Old Homestead, it had once been the Carriage House and had been converted who knows when, into a Living Space for people.   If by Magic I could have transported it anywhere, I would have kept that one slice of my Beloved Old Property, I still miss it every single day.  Knowing I'd likely be having to say Good-Bye to it meant I cried in there a LOT in those days, not properly being able to Enjoy it like I should have and could have had Life's Issues not stood in the way significantly.  But I would remain stoic pretty much during the coarse of my days, hiding my Pain at having to choose at all.

You know how it is when you really would like to never Let Go of something or someone but you just HAVE to... it was like THAT.   It's still sometimes like that... tho' if I could turn back Time I doubt I would have done things any differently... it was what it just was.   So I tried to become very excited about the Changes that just HAD to be made and were time to be made, however hard.   I was very excited when I finally found Villa Boheme', it was spectacular enough I felt perhaps it could ease the Pain of Letting Go of what I had always thought would be my Forever Home and I had fallen deeply in Love with and didn't WANT to ever Give Up.   The amount of anxiety I felt about what would happen to it was extreme and so it took a lot of time to Sell to just the Right Person.  But I kinda felt like I was Selling Off a piece of my very Soul.

It was the longest Good-Bye in the History of Selling Off a Home, I swear, and I still have a deep affinity, Love and connection to the place that will not allow me to completely detach ever.   If I could buy it back and things could just Work Out I would... but you can't Go Back... you can't turn back Time... and so I Hope it never goes up for Sale again in my Lifetime at least, so I won't be Tempted to even try.   The Man detached easily, he never much liked The Hood or the amount of Labor of Love a Historic Home always is.  I'm afraid he's attaching more to Villa Boheme' to the exclusion of ever wanting to Move On if we have to one day?    The Force do Miss The Old House as much as I do, we drive by often to see the progress of the Restoration.

I'm so Glad it's in Great Loving Hands that will do the Right thing by it, that was Answer to fervent Prayer when I knew I could no longer be it's Steward and Protector from 'Progress' and 'Development'!   God knows Investors and Developers badly wanted it and tried to entice me to let them buy it instead and turn it into... well, I don't even like to discuss the Visions many of them had... it made me nauseous in fact!   Like if they threw enough Money at me I'd find it more palatable somehow and get on board with allowing them to destroy a piece of Local History that I was eternally in Love with!!!   Mebbe some could ease their conscience with enough Cash, mebbe they're more used to that when they're negotiating a transaction with a Seller of Historic Properties?

I don't even know what the Price would have had to of been to Buy me off and Sell Out enough to concede, I just know they never reached it and couldn't attain it even under pressure.   I'm very Glad my Family stood behind me and were supportive about me holding my ground and holding out for so long, because it was a long haul.   A Vacant Homestead with Acreage in the midst of an Older part of the City is subject to a lot of criminal activity, so that part was really tough to Deal with when it was up for Sale and so obviously uninhabited!   What bothers me about Modern Society is how little respect so many have about what does not belong to them.  If it isn't watched with an Eagle Eye how vandals, vagrants and criminals will take liberties with vacant real estate nowadays!

I would think even during an intensive Restoration, if you don't live on site, it could still be very demoralizing to have to Deal with those elements of Society on a constant basis.   I am sure any Home Flippers can Testify to that end, how they have to get the job done quickly and get it Sold and someone into it before things get broken into and destroyed or stolen!   I wouldn't want to own a Vacation Property for that reason, if not Rented out constantly I would think it is vulnerable during times it is vacant for prolonged periods of time?  Depending upon where one lives perhaps more so than other areas, but Crime really knows no boundaries anymore, it exists everywhere to some degree, naive to assume otherwise.

We had many Good Years at Old Bohemian Valhalla tho', many Cherished Memories are a part of it's History involving our Family's time spent owning it.  Children were born while living there {both of the G-Kid Force in fact} and Kittens were born on the property... numerous Kittens in fact since Acreage in the City was a virtual Cat Magnet for Strays, Abandoned Pets and Ferals!   Many Adopted us and lived out their lives there, most were Working Cats that kept the Acreage free of vermin and some even became pet quality animals over time as they got used to being around a Family that Loved on them.   These two Kittens pictured are Miss Priss' Babies, she came to us as a Preggy Stray you see.  The above Kitten was Adopted by The Son and Family, her name is Minnie and she's all grown-up now.

A Sweet Girl from my Antique Mall Adopted the other little Girl Kitten pictured here, I don't recall what they named her, but she went to a very Good Home where she was Adored.   Miss Priss was promptly spayed since we fixed all of our Cats so that we weren't always Dealing with finding Good Homes for Kittens.  It was always tough enough finding Good Homes for every Stray or Feral or Abandoned Pet that showed up and stuck around!  If we couldn't find a Home of coarse they Adopted us and so at various times we had up to five or six Rescue Cats that lived out their lives at Old Bohemian Valhalla until they went on to Cat Heaven of another kind.

Out here Thankfully Pet Owners are a lot more responsible and not being a Big City there are not the Strays you always see roaming about the City.  Out here you see more Wild Animals in their Natural Habitat and I Like that very much. Tho' you do have to protect your Pets from Predatory Wild Animals that could prey on an easy meal.   Once Miss Priss is gone I've decided we don't want any more Pets, we're getting Older and it's a big long term responsibility to own a Cat or a Dog and welcome them into the Family.   Plus, the Yard here is not Ideal for Outside Pets and I don't want any Inside Pets anymore either.  Luckily The G-Kid Force have owned enough Pets that they aren't badgering us to own more if we don't want to.

They are very Good with Animals and I'm sure when they become Adults and have their own Homes they might Adopt some of their own.   The Young Prince is very into Reptiles so I wouldn't at all be surprised if he ends up with Exotic Pets that I personally would not welcome into our Home.  *LOL*   As for Princess T she has always been rather like The Cat Whisperer and even our Feral Adoptees always allowed HER only to handle them, even if they didn't Trust any other Humans during their lifetime.   Miss Priss and her are an exclusive, Miss Priss was never pet quality but she Adores her Human and the feeling is mutual for Princess T who can do anything with that Cat!  *LOL*

I am Wondering how long it will take me to have a complete Peace about Giving Up my Historic Homestead?   I know I shall always Miss it, but I'm Hoping that one day I can have a total Peace about Letting it Go and feeling rather forced to by circumstance.   I think when you don't feel something is entirely Voluntary then you resist more, I know I did.   I Waffled quite a bit even tho' I knew what HAD to be done and that it all Worked Out in the End to a Positive Resolution in every way.  You can't ask for more than that and I'm Thankful it all Worked Out and fulfilled it's Purpose.   That Home fulfilled it's Purpose for it's Season of our Lives and this one has and will as well, which is a Good thing, no doubt.

We're really Enjoying our brand new Neighbors across the Street who just moved in, an Adorable Sweet Young East Indian Couple from California who are so Friendly, so Nice, so Neighborly... so UNLIKE most of the residents around here.  *Ha ha ha*   Today we spent quite a bit of time visiting with them as he introduced us to his Wife, who Admired my Mehndi and we discussed how Fun it would be to one day have Henna Parties perhaps and learn to do it ourselves!  She is as sociable as her Husband and we're so very Happy they moved in and are now Neighbors and becoming Friends!   I do Miss all the Friends we had in the Old Neighborhood and tho' we visit them often, it just makes us all the more Homesick sometimes for what Was and the Belonging.

If you've ever lived anywhere that you just fit in perfectly and felt a Belonging then you completely Understand how Homesick you can become when you have to move away!?!    When you feel quite misfit in any particularly community, for whatever reason, it's just not as comfortable or welcoming and leaves an incredible Void.   The New Couple asked The G-Kid Force why they never see them outside very much, if at all, and they confessed that it has been harder to make New Friends around here and how far away all their Real Friends are.   I'm sure having moved to a brand new State the Couple could relate, I'm sure, as Nice as they are, that they left many Friends behind in Cali.  It is intimidating to be the New People anywhere that you know no-one yet and don't know what to expect or how you'll be received?!?

Having been Nomadic and Military my entire Life I got used to Moving frequently and having to make New Friends and settling in to New Places to call Home.  Some are just better than others, but in the Military at least you knew any one place was just temporary and you'd move on.  Sooner than later actually back in the day when Permanent Changes Of Assignment were more frequent than they are Today for Military Families.   I actually Enjoyed being a World Nomad, but the Older I get the more I feel like putting down some Roots and staying put at least to Create a Home... and a Home Base... if you Travel and just have that place of familiarity to come back Home to it's comforting in your Old Age.

I'm liking the Familiar way more than ever before at this Season of Life, I take Comfort in what little remains the same and isn't in constant Change and flux.  I don't mind embracing Change, but I don't want EVERYTHING to Change constantly anymore, I want SOME things to remain the same and be Familiar.   Being a Nostalgic Soul and Lover Of Old I also like things to be Preserved that are worthy of Preservation.   I'd like to think some History will remain outside of Old Photos and History Books of things as they used to be so that Future Generations can Enjoy them for Real and in the Flesh.

Things in Nature tend to be constantly Changing and yet have that Cycle of Life that is very much as it always has been and perhaps always will be if just left alone.    The Changes in Nature seems to be subtle enough I can Handle that and enough remains the same to be Memorable in ways that always are Familiar and quite Nostalgic.   If you go to any area that hasn't been ravaged by Mankind it is very much like it always has been, perhaps since Forever.   Things are born, do grow and then die off, but the Cycle is less invasive to the Memories you had of any place if it is still unspoiled and unmolested by Man.   I think that is Why moving so close to The White Tank Mountain Range was very comforting to me, they look as they always have since I moved to the Valley in the early 1970's.

Has where you now live changed much over the years or stayed very much the same?   If changed, have they been Positive ones or Negative ones, that's so very Important too!   Phoenix and the various other Cities surrounding and melding with it's borders have grown considerably and continue to do so, sometimes in Positive ways and sometimes not.  But I still Love living in the Valley and wouldn't want to live anywhere else, this is now Home, regardless of what House I may occupy within it's borders.   I feel very Fortunate to live here and have this Beautiful Weather and the Natural Desert to call our Home, I Connected to it all from the very Moment we arrived many Moons ago. 

We have traveled the World and many parts of the United States, but this is where we choose to be and to remain, that I'm Sure of.   There are still some destinations on the old Bucket List I'd like to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there permanently, I know I'll always come back to Arizona because I truly Love it here.   If you too have found that place to Love and remain that is a measure of Contentment that Money really can't buy.   If you have had the privilege of experiencing a lot of Travel then that too is Priceless, I wouldn't have traded my Nomadic days for anything in the World, it was a Rich and Wonderful Experience.

I am a bit envious of anyone who can still pick up and Travel extensively and see as many places as they possibly can cram into a Lifetime!   The exposure to other Countries, other Cultures, other Climates, even other States within the United States is really enriching.   It most definitely broadens your Horizons and makes you a more homogeneous Minded person at Peace with everyone, because you recognize we're basically alike in our Humanity even if Uniquely different in our individuality and ways of Being.

I think if I could turn back Time I would try to waste less of it doing what isn't Important or True to myself.   If you are living Authentically as much of the time as you possibly can, you really can't go Wrong and certainly might have less regrets about compromising yourself for any reason whatsoever.  Sometimes compromises are necessary, especially when other people are involved and situations beyond your control pop up and have to be dealt with appropriately and with a satisfactory outcome.   I know that having to Let Go of my Beloved Historic Property was one such compromise I had to sadly make.  When you had Dreamed so long about owning a Historic Home and then obtain one, you want to hold on tightly no matter what!

You tend to make unfair comparisons in your Head when you have to Move On and Let Go of something Beloved... because really nothing CAN take the place of something, someplace or someone you Loved with all your Heart and Lost... and it shouldn't have to compete or compare really!    Embracing the Changes, the Losses and the Gains are just a part of Life and sometimes it's just hard and you have to just take your time to Heal from it and have a Peace about it.  I suppose I'm still in that Process regarding the Big Move.  There are many other things I Miss terribly too... Loved Ones that we've Lost... limitations we now Deal with on a daily basis that have Changed how Life just IS for us.

As Doors have Closed though others have Opened up and all we Need to do is walk thru them and enter into whatever the Future holds for each of us.   I cannot turn back Time and really I don't know that I even want to actually, in Reality, I know that Going Back sometimes can't and won't Change anything at all in the Reality of what just IS.  Looking back can be so Sweet sometimes that we forget the Sourness of whatever Was, because it never is ALL Good or ALL Bad, it's a mixture of both almost constantly as Life unfolds.

I actually Enjoyed looking back thru my Photo Archives to re-capture and re-live the Imagery Shared Today and for once I didn't even Cry like a Baby while doing it.   No lump in the throat nor ache in the Heart, sure I Missed Terribly what Was and what I Wished I could have Kept forever in this Lifetime, but I could handle seeing it all again.  Emotionally I could hold up while looking back fondly, and even somewhat Sadly, at what used to be and that I felt very Honored to have had at some point in Time.  They do say that it is better to have Loved and Lost than never to have Loved at all and I do find that to be Truth!   Whether a Person, Place or Thing... something, someone, somewhere Beloved is indeed Special enough that you should have had the Experience of it at least for a Time and a Season, however long or short. 

And Seasons Change, that is the only Constant really... that they will Change and every Season brings with it something distinctively different and Unique.   The Seasons of our Lives as they transition are a Process from Birth to our Death.  As they Change, as we Daydream about what the Future could hold... and Enjoy whatever the Present has for us... and Live in the Moment while sometimes Looking Back fondly at the Past it can be a Perfect Blend of it all... Past, Present and Future if you have the Right attitude and perspective about it.   And sometimes we just have to keep working on that Right attitude and proper perspective... being that we all are a Work in Progress.


Blessings... Love... and Light from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian


  1. There is no place like home, I am glad to read that you met a nice couple to socialize with in your development. I am sure that will help.

    1. Oh I thoroughly agree, once any area actually becomes a true Community then the desire to remain is stronger. The new Couple are so Neighborly that it is answer to Prayer that they bought that Home across the Street and will be people we thoroughly Enjoy becoming Friends with.

  2. Loss is hard, regardless of if one has lost a person, place, or thing one loves.

    1. Absolutely and the period of Grieving over a Loss isn't absolute, it takes however long it takes.

  3. Home isn't a place, it is where your heart is...wherever that may be. We've been here since 1984 and still don't know all our neighbors. We have a circle of friends around the lake, due to close friends there. But, when you find anyone that can touch your soul and you immediately feel comfortable, it is a blessing.

    Very interesting post, and there is nothing wrong with roots, when you can ramble in a car if the wanderlust arises.


A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl