Wednesday, January 24, 2018

Sweet Salvage Images And Crisis Mode



Since I took so many lovely Images at the most recent Event I'll continue to regale you with the Sweet Salvage visuals while the Post Topics kinda run the gamut of what's on my Mind or my Heart.  Right now our Family is going thru a Private Personal Crisis that I really don't want to talk about at all in The Land of Blog, but which is very heavily weighing on my Heart and my Mind.  Thus my stress levels have been elevated and unfortunately it's meant I've shut down from such things I usually Enjoy, like Blogging.   This is not a Good thing so I am prompting myself to get back into normal routines even tho' everything is not so normal right now.




You know how it is when you're moving thru a Difficult situation involving anyone you Love, it can consume you to the point where you almost lose yourself as you Deal with it all.   Things can seem so daunting and uncertain, and being the Control Freak that I am, when I have zero Control over an Outcome and to make it a Positive, then I am in a state of flux as things just play out as they will.   You try to remain upbeat and Positive during those times, but it takes a lot of exhaustive Work as any Negative situation unfurls and you are not certain yet much Positive will actually come of it? 




How to embrace a Negative and have an acceptance of it as it just is can be a particular Challenge, or even a Sorrow, depending on the severity of whatever it is you're up against as a Family and required to just move through together.   I don't want to rant about it because that changes nothing, I don't want to waste precious Energy battling anything that has such a measure of uncertainty that sometimes you just have to wait it out... and deal with the not knowing.  The unknown factor, which can be worse sometimes than dealing with something known and in your face that you simply must deal with.   I abhor the unknown factor, how can you battle what you don't know yet or can't see and confront?




How can you, as the Caregiver, give Hope and adequately Uplift and Encourage whoever it is that is personally the epicenter of whatever Negative event is playing out that involves them in Real Time?!   You might say the right Words but if you don't quite Feel them yourself they ring hollow.  Empty and devoid of the conviction that everything is gonna be alright, since you don't KNOW that it actually will be, it's out of your Hands and everyone knows it.  You entrust God with it, in complete Faith, yet also knowing and aware that even when you do that, the Outcome you desire may not be granted, despite fervent Prayer to the contrary.  That happens, even a deeply Spiritual person must sometimes deal with unanswered Prayer or a different Outcome than is Hoped for in Faith.

   


I have refused to get Angry at God when bad things happen to good people, it's intentional since I recognize I live in a corrupted World, one that went Left a long time ago and was probably not of the Divine Plan.  Us mere Mortals tend to have a rather limited understanding and lack of accountability when it comes to viewing bad shit that plays out and Humanity is very much involved in.   We want to blame someone, anyone, for the things that go wrong in Life, sometimes there is plenty of blame to go around... sometimes not... it hardly matters really does it?   Because when shit happens or is really just messed up from the get go... you deal with it regardless of playing a blame game or being unable to understand Why it happened to you or those you Care about.
  



I've never understood Mental Illness, or many other serious afflictions that plague Humanity and are just a crappy Hand Dealt.   Sure, some illness or disabling factors are of our own doing if we didn't take adequate Care of ourselves or got exposed to something that was a cause and effect kinda thing.  But some illness and disability Good People were just born with and have to deal with for a Lifetime.  That seems so very unfair and limiting to quality of life and complicates things so much... complexities most of us would rather not deal with at all, never mind for a Lifetime!   So it's easy to become Bitter or Angry unless you intentionally try NOT to, on Purpose coz it won't come Naturally lemme tell ya!   Me just Angry has rarely Solved or inspired Positive Changes to anything!   I'd rather Save the Energy for what could Solve or inspire Positive Changes, my Energy is finite.




In some Families certain ailments have been Generational and so it's been several Lifetimes of dealing with whatever it is genetically that went awry and perhaps has no Cure and seems rather like a Curse.   Having dealt with that particular instance in my own Lifetime you just become accustomed, more than most perhaps, to the abnormal being the Norm.   But when even your abnormal Norm gets disrupted by the Private Personal Crisis, which will come, count on it... you become reactive no matter how many times you've dealt with different... and yet similar... circumstances in Crisis Mode!  It's kinda a knee jerk involuntary reaction when yet another Crisis hits, same crap in many ways, just different in regards to it being the New Crisis which much just be moved thru with as much Grace, Dignity and Sanity kept intact as you're able to muster as a Family.




Sometimes you can and even do Need to talk about it and other times you just move thru it Privately, I'm mostly choosing the latter in this instance, except for a select few, most won't know the details and that's Okay.   Sometimes everyone is on a Need To Know basis and they don't really Need To Know... other times you are more transparent, depending on the Crisis and how much extraneous input you could handle... or NOT!?    Right now I'm pretty much in The Moment and just trying to deal with it in Real Time as it is played out and Outcome is delayed... which is the hard part... I'd rather Know than have delays and also dealing with the Not Knowing on top of Bad News.




Bad News... in an informal Poll of sorts... how many of you handle it Well?  I've been told I handle it Well only because when I receive it I'm stoic on the exterior, internally I'm so NOT handling it Well, but you wouldn't realize that.  I've just had lots and lots of practice with Bad News and Personal Crisis I guess so I hear it, Process it, and instantly my Mind is handling it way better than my Gut is as I begin formulating a Crisis Plan of Action.   Sometimes you can't take Action really, at least immediately, but I like to at least Imagine I have a measure of Control about any Outcome even if I really don't, or marginally so.  It makes me feel more Secure to think perhaps I can handle it and just manipulate it all Favorably and Positively some kinda way, even if that way is not yet Clear... or doesn't even Exist in Reality!




So right now I'm there, in the Holding Space Mode of a Crisis playing out with a Loved One.   Sometimes that's all you can do for the moment and just play it by Ear as you continue to move thru it and decide what is or isn't possible, probable or within your Control at all?   You deal with it in Real Time as the Issues Of Life just hit, sometimes blindsiding you because it was unexpected and unprepared for, which is often the case and why they call it a Crisis!  I'm sure we'll manage thru this one and do whatever we have to do, you don't really have a lot of Choice when you just have to deal with shit... unpleasant shit... shitty shit... a shit storm of shit all at once.  It hasn't begun as the entirely Positive New Year I had anticipated, in fact 2018 has started out shitty... so much so that 2017 looks pretty Good by comparison and 2017 wasn't a very Good year so... nuff said.




You see, I would like, very much, to bask in some Positive stuff for a change that is ongoing and not so inclined to go Left on the turn of a dime almost daily.  I'm fairly certain I could be more proactive than reactive in how I lived Life if that were the case, I dunno, I can only presume that is how I'd be?!?   For those of you who rarely have to deal with Crisis, especially constant Crisis playing out, and most especially very Personal Crisis, I Imagine that is how your Normal looks?   I'd like that kind of Normalcy to my days, as I'm Aging I CRAVE it in fact because it's exhausting to deal with perpetual Crisis of a Personal Nature and involving those you Love and Care about the most.  The powerlessness you Feel when you cannot make everything Right, make everyone Well, just Control situations so that they ARE Positive... is disheartening and often even deeply depressing and unsettling.




I'm Glad I can and do Trust God with this one and it's Resolution, since He's definitely got His Work cut out for Him and even tho' I can't handle it, I'm certain only He can.   Relinquishing that Control isn't easy, acknowledging that lack of being able to Control any of it myself is even harder.   My Rose Colored Glasses are askew right now as we move thru this uncertain Crisis and I just Hate when that happens.  It Colors my World in ways I'm not always Wanting to see... coz Life sure can get Ugly and Messy sometimes... and we all know Life isn't Fair or Bras wouldn't come in sizes...

*******

Blessings, Love and Peace from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

6 comments:

  1. I'm sorry you are going through this crisis. I'm amazed that with all on your plate, you could end this heartfelt post with a joke that made me smile. You are a wonder!

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    1. Thank You for the sweet words and glad I made you Smile, laughter is like a good medicine when you're going thru a difficult time so you should try never to lose your sense of humor about Life! Today is the day we'll get some answers and that, tho' nerve racking, is a relief from the unknown factors we've been dealing with for almost a week now... which has seemed like an eternity!

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  2. I've been with you for the last few weeks, though not commenting...since my own shit storm...is brewing. You aren't alone...and hugs to you, it won't be alright, but maybe it will get better. Sandi

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    1. Oh Sandi I'm so very sorry that you too are in a shitstorm of your own. No, things weren't alright, wasn't a worse case scenario but wasn't a best case scenario, we'll just endure and press on. My Hope is that it does get better and for you as well, Virtual Hugs!

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  3. God Bless you dear friend1 It sounds like you are doing all the right things, and have the right attitude. And as you said you just have to wait and trust in God and let it play out. My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.

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    1. Thank you as always for the Encouraging Words and Friendship Marlynne... things haven't played out Well at all but we will remain up by Faith and know that it will hold even when everything else kinda goes to shit.

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A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl