Wednesday, November 15, 2017

What Happened To That Girl?

Okay, so I'm trying to Channel that Girl that I used to be, you know, the Skinny Young Hippie Chick that actually was the Granola Gal kinda Health Food Nut and Yoga Fanatic back in da day.  All Caftans, Love Beads, Anti-Establishment, Jesus Sandals, Groovy Pad with a Jungle of Plants and smelling of Incense.  Well, I still smell of Incense and I guess this Pad is still Groovy in a more Macabre kinda Eclectically Weird way... and The Establishment still Sucks and Needs The Resistance!  *Smiles*  But, to eat like I used ta... I know it will make a difference to this dreadful Diabetic shit I'm now Dealing with in my Senior Years. So I'm trying to get back to a healthier Lifestyle that I actually followed quite effortlessly and Religiously when I was That Girl.  What happened to That Girl anyway?  Well, mi Vida Loca for a start... no longer the Carefree days of Youth when you could just focus on You and live the Life you just dig and flow with... and don't have to consider anyone else really.  Yes, it could be Peace, Harmony and 'I Love You Man' back then!   And let us not forget changes in Metabolism, which really got jacked up with hysterectomy, Menopause and the Chronic Stress of Caregiving for Decades... yeah, that'll do it!

But shit, we don't even have to go that far back to the 60's or 70's... I'm not even This Girl!   The 80's Big Mall Hair Corporate Executive Chick that led the double life of being an Aging Hippie on my own time and a freakin' Banker with a Socially acceptable impressive Title and prestigious Position while on the Clock!  *LMAO*  Honestly, who'd of thunk?  *Bwahahahahahaha!!!*   BTW, that's The G-Kid Force's Mama when she was about Princess T's current Age!  I think she was Eleven then, so slightly Younger... but so many similarities that it's both Nostalgic and more than a bit Scary too!  *Whoa... can I go thru those turbulent years again at this Season of Life I Wonder and manage to stay Sane!?*   And that's part of it too... accommodating The Tribe here, which don't really wanna eat Hippie shit! So either skip the Meal then entirely, the Guys, or have a bitch fit that she's not getting Mac-N-Cheese instead... out of the box, coz only cheap Yellow Death will do for The Princess!!!  *Le Sigh*  Twelve year olds can have insane Food Fixations, this one certainly does, none of which are usually all that healthful or practical!  I Wonder why I even still Care if any of them eat at all... EVER??!??!   *Winks*

Well, I know, it's my Duty to Care dammit and being the Obediently Competent Caregiver I do HAVE to feed them I suppose.  *Winks*   Tho' we drew our line in the sand and didn't serve up Mac-N-Cheese and so she denied herself Food in her usual Dramatic way, even tho' she Likes grilled Lamb Chops, Peas, Carrots and Salad... but, whatever.   The Young Prince wasn't eating at all, but he's been in a bad Head Space and Ailing with the Kidney malfunction so I'm not force feeding him, he'll eat when hungry too.   At least he was Calm and not unraveling like the dynamic duo who were having a Power Struggle right at Dinnertime that escalated until I Mediated and sent everyone off to their respective corners of the big ole' Villa to Calm Down!   Brain Damaged Veteran who Copes poorly versus Hysterical Tween with no Mood Regulation abilities! Yeah, it wasn't Pretty and nobody was Winning that War so I put the kabosh on the whole damned thing, who can eat with all that Chaos going on, it's not Good for digestion or appetite!?!   What happened to Peace, Harmony and Love... that shit went right out the Window for sure with this Tribe... over Food!  You cannot force Peace, demand Harmony nor get those being Unlovely and Trifling over nonsensical things to be Loving in that heated Moment, not gonna happen my Friends!   Any more than the proper Rest the Diabetic Specialist said is crucial is gonna happen in Full Time Caregiving Land, so whatever.

I Needed a stiff drink, even tho' I don't drink and that certainly wasn't on the Diabetic Friendly Meal Plan the Dietitian had so Carefully laid out for me in Class... assuming we were Normal People here at Home!  *LOL*  Well, yeah, those that drank had it squeezed into their Meal Plan and gave something else up... who knows, mebbe everything else up if they always Need a drink... but why bother to give anything else up if you really don't drink... so I wasn't complicating things further!  *Ha ha ha*   No, spiraling into Alcoholism wasn't on my Agenda either so that wasn't an Option for Coping!  So, No, hadda Cope Cold Turkey... nothing to take the Edge off except Blogging.  *Smiles*  And finally getting them all down for the Night, that Helps, which is why I tend to be a Vampire and stay up half the Night, it's the only guaranteed Peaceful and Calm, Tranquil part of my day usually!  And then I remember I Missed all my Snacks this day, the three Snacks in between the three Meals I'm SUPPOSED TO eat, but don't always have the Time nor remember to eat!   Dammit... there's 45 Carbs of my Carb Currency that is supposed to be spread out that I wasted this hectic day!  So I'm opting for a Protein at a stupid hour and my Food Log is helter skelter so perhaps the follow-up will make them realize how complex even just Eating can be in this household?!?  *Le Sigh*

And I'm pretty sure she'll see this entry at 11:00 pm of Grilled Mushrooms, Toasted Pine Nuts and a Grilled Italian Sweet Sausage as Crazy, mebbe even Insane... but why should the Meal be any different than the rest of my Life, right?  *Winks*   In my Head and now totally Snack deprived delusional State of Being, it seemed like a sorta Healthy Option to Salvage my Food deprived day of missing all three Snacks!  Besides, it tasted Divine and completely took the Edge Off, just like a stiff Drink might have.  So... since she figured out a way to let the others in the Class have their Booze on their Plans... mebbe she could make this odd Cuisine at ridiculous hours work for me, you never know?   Either that or she'll look at the Lifestyle situation and how that stacks up in the Food Log and decide Mrs. G you are totally screwed and absolutely doomed, it could go either way I suppose?!  *LOL*   And since she never knew That Girl, you know, the one I Used to Be... she'll never realize the rapid decline and that it wasn't always this way, but this is what's left to now Work with and try to Salvage!   Kinda like one of those derelict Old Buildings that you knew once looked way different in it's Prime and has seen a lot of Life, and is worth trying to Save, but now...Damn... it's gonna take a LOT of hard Work... Good Luck with that and I Hope it all works out...


Blessings and Love from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian 

1 comment:

  1. Ah yes, the old me. Well, really now I am the old me!
    It's all so simple when we are young and without encumbrances ( don't you love that word?)
    I think you can totally eat your midnight feast when things are calm instead of alcohol.
    I'm just glad you found something you enjoyed eating again!
    xo Jazzy Jack


A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

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