Friday, November 3, 2017

Did I Jinx It?

I'm always reluctant to heap too much Praise upon the VA improving The System since I don't want to risk Jinxing it!   Well, last Post I couldn't help but mention it has improved and we'd been both pleased and relieved... and well... now I Wonder, did I Jinx it by doing so?!   Because The Man was SUPPOSED to have been provided Transport to his appointment for Yesterday Morning... and they never showed up... nor did they return our numerous calls to find out what was going on regarding his Ride?!   Nor did Transport EVER contact us after his Ride was allegedly set up, which they are supposed to do in order to coordinate location and pick up!  *Uh Oh!*

He's been qualified to receive a CPAP Machine since he often stops breathing during sleep, but it requires a lengthy Class to teach you how to use it and get it fitted properly and they only Host these Classes at 10:30 am.   I have to pick The Young Prince up from his Alternative School in another City just shortly after that time each day and cannot leave a Special Needs Child stranded while I'm at the VA... so I can't take him.  I haven't yet found a way to clone myself to be in two places at once, I explained this to our VA Caseworker.  She said Transportation for The Man would be provided so we re-scheduled Appointment No. 1 due to the Transportation problems and our situation.

So Yesterday was actually the Re-Scheduled Appointment No. 2... and I'd prepared The Man to go to his Class in the City without me and gotten him all ready.  You have to prepare a person with Brain Damage for anything they are going to have to do, you cannot spring Surprises on them or it all goes Left!  So, it's a tedious Process to do or to get ready for anything and takes Preparation to make it Hopefully go smoothly.  He was already having Anxiety about me not going with him and worry that he'd remember anything they would actually teach him in the Class about using said Machine??!   He probably won't, but Bureaucracy being what it is, they still insisted he attend the Class regardless of TBI and Memory Care Issues... whatever!  *LOL*  

He is now capable of Reading and Writing again, so I suggested he just take some relevant Notes or draw Pictures and we'd figure it out here at Home.  I mean, I am an Educated Woman, so how hard could it be... plus there's always Online Tutorials about everything under the Sun, right?!  *Winks*  If he got the Machine properly fitted and we finally received it here at Home, that would have been half the battle Won in my Mind!   I'll take half a battle Won, because this Scheduling to receive the damned thing is getting Old fast!   And Patience is NOT one of my Virtues, especially when I feel we're being jerked around by an Agency designed to properly Care for it's Veterans and Wounded Warriors!


So... there he sat Yesterday, all dressed up with nowhere to go.  And he's getting more Anxious and Agitated by the Minute, now he's saying he doesn't want to go at all and doesn't want his Machine, he'd rather Die Peacefully in his Sleep anyway!   Yes, Hyperbole runs in this Family, we're inclined to resort to such Logic when we've just had Enough of trying to receive Earned Benefits and the jumping thru hoops Dog and Pony Show it often becomes.  We made several more calls to the VA, but nobody can fix Transport Issues except Transportation and Good Luck with that, you never get a Human Being and they don't return their Voice Mail, like EVER!

By now I'd gotten both of The G-Kid Force to School and it was past 10:00 am and there is no way this is a 30 Minute drive from the boonies to Downtown Phoenix during Rush Hour Traffic, so clearly they're NOT coming and would never get him there on time even IF they were coming.   The benefit of any Doubt was now erased and so I went into Ball-Breaker Mode where Heads would roll and I didn't really care whose, I'd start at the Top and work my way down if I had to, nothing to Lose.  It relieves Tension and Stress to be cut loose on the Offenders, but The Man really doesn't like it when he has to turn me loose on anyone, even if they've been jerking him around for days, which they had over the phone when he attempted to arrange it Peacefully.  *LOL* 

Well, he'd given it his best shot and been very Patient and Nice, to no avail, they had Transferred him around until I think he'd been passed off like a relay baton, I wasn't having that.  Give me the Phone!  When I get a Human Being on the line, they're MINE and we're not getting passed around anywhere, I'm like a Dog with a meaty Bone, kicking ass and taking names.  Yes, I will get your Name, your Title, how Useful you can be to me and interrogate you as if it's an inquisition.  Because once the shit hits the fan Baby, all my valuable Intel about who exactly fucked things up along the way will be revealed in all it's Glory and Shame, exposing and laying it all bare for the World to see!   That's especially Helpful at getting results if you would snap and go to the Media to go Public with a good juicy Story about any Agency already under Investigation and in Hot Water!   Yeah, you'll get your 15 Minutes of Fame the hard way if you choose to Play me Hard!

Well, then, let us Schedule Appointment No. 3 shall we and set up Transport again and see if we can get it Right this time I tell her... She who I won't let transfer me anywhere else coz I got my hooks in Her now!!!    Because I'm NOT having Fun anymore with this and Formal Complaints are forthcoming about the gross incompetence and Neglect going on in Transportation.  Lets see if we can Clean House over there in Transportation in fact, we'll start there even tho' no Human Being from there has had the Cojones to extend the Courtesy to call back and explain exactly WTF is going on?!?!!   I explain to her my situation here, just so we'll have a better Understanding of how close to the Edge I already am on a daily basis.  *Winks*

Because you see, if I'm going over the Edge due to added Stress being put on us by some Agency, well, I'm taking as many of them with me into the Abyss as I can possibly latch onto.  Once you're part of the Problem, rather than part of the Solution, well, you're fair Game, you bought your ticket and you're now on for the whole damned Crazy Ride.   *Bwahahahahaaha!*   So, I says to her, which will YOU be, part of the Solution or part of this Problem, she opted for Solution, Smart Girl.  She got a Supervisor involved, Good, I Like to Work my way up the Food Chain to anyone who has any measure of actual Authority, they got more to Lose if things go South, more Skin in the Game... that makes them more Useful to me.

And it all IS a Game, rest assured, and you have to learn to play it well or get played... unfortunately that's just the way it's been Structured.  And Yes, I AM and very much can be not just A Bitch, but The Bitch and that will be Mrs. Bitch to anyone who wants to yank my chain and get frisky.  When it comes to Neglect or Mistreatment and Abuse of the vital Care my Loved Ones desperately Need it's Game On and I play to Win!   I can be particularly Tenacious and a Pain in everyone's ass when I'm not getting what I Need and Want.  Right now that just happens to be a freakin' Transport Vehicle to ACTUALLY show up when they're supposed to be taking The Man to an important Appointment already re-scheduled now THREE damned times in less than a Month!

If ya gotta Cancel at the very least give us a Courtesy Call IN ADVANCE and a valid explanation, that's not too much to ask.   Confirm your freakin' Schedule also so we know what Time to expect you and adjust our hectic Schedule accordingly coz I ain't got Time for this shit!  I'm Over-Scheduled as it is, which is the only reason I'm left to HAVE to Deal with relying upon these unreliable and incompetent assholes for Transport of him in the first place, to get him what he Needs and jump thru the appropriate Hoops to receive it.  Now I'm not at all Confident, since they didn't instill ANY Confidence, that IF they EVER show up they won't Lose him or Forget about him to bring him Home?!?!  Since he's a Wander Risk and gets easily Disoriented, and that has been communicated, that will be a whole other shitstorm that would go down!

It's like when the School Loses your Special Needs Child on a Field Trip you couldn't go on due to Work, Yes, that happened to me back in da day... Phoenix Zoo Circa about 1992, The Son.   They were in a Panic, he'd Wandered off, as he was prone to do with having Mildly Moderate Autism and being ADHD Bipolar.  He'd Gleefully hooked up with another School's Field Trip since they were more Interesting and they didn't notice he didn't belong and had loaded him onto THEIR Bus.   It all got sorted out in the end, I got my Kiddo back, he'd had a Big Time and a Grand Adventure beyond the Usual Field Trip Experience... and I managed not to have a Heart Attack or have to sue anyone... so it was all Good.  *Smiles*   Someone Losing my Husband would go down something like that I suspect, I don't NEED that kind of Excitement in my Life, it's Exciting enuf.

And I'm very proactive, gotta be, gotta figure out all the angles of what could go Wrong if Murphy's Law goes into effect?   So I've already given explicit instructions to The Man of what to do in the event they Lose or Forget him on this eventual Journey without me to the convoluted VA Appointment from Hell that it's turning out to be.   I want him to feel Secure and Safe with a backup Plan, since after I retrieve The Young Prince from School that day, I could go on a Search and Rescue Mission Downtown if I absolutely had to and he never got his Ride Home!   But I shouldn't have to, you know... and this shouldn't have to be so complicated just to get a Ride to the VA Hospital.  Since Transport is an Earned Benefit these Vets with Transportation Issues are Entitled to receive... Hopefully without Drama and fuck-ups involved!!!

Without Scheduling and Re-Scheduling ad nauseum because they can't seem to get it Right, this Simple thing... Heaven Forbid they have to Provide a Complex thing, right?!?  Shit!!!   Excuse my profanity, I swear like a Sailor once I get riled up because Words, simple Words, just don't convey the level of frustration felt when your Loved Ones have to go thru so much to receive so little!   I actually stop breathing in my sleep too... we both know this... we've discussed this... I think it would be a Fine way to Go and that's not Hyperbole, that's the Truth!  *LMAO*  The prospect of Eternal Rest sometimes doesn't bother me one iota actually, at least it's Rest and that's on the Short List on this side of Time and Eternity lemme tell ya when you're Full Time Caregiving!


I think that is why The Man and The Force often come into the room when I'm taking a not so brief Siesta after I just can't stay awake anymore... and give me a rude awakening, just to ensure I haven't croaked in my sleep!?!  *LOL*  I often get startled awake with them sighing in obvious relief and saying, "Oh Good, we thought you were Dead..." and then wandering off once they realize I'm still vertical and very much Alive.  *Smiles*   "Don't you know that could give me a Heart Attack waking me up like that!?", I say.   Well, at least it's somewhat better than holding a mirror in front of my mouth like they do with Grandpa when he's sleeping and they worry he's died in his sleep!  *LOL*  Yes, they are Gentler with Grandpa coz they say they don't Need him as much... Damn, Kids can be brutally Honest, but at least I Feel Needed.  *Winks*

"Grandpa only makes Good Mac-N-Cheese out of the Blue Box and cooks Ramen Noodle Soup the way I like it.", is what Princess T is apt to remind me of her Need List regarding her Honey, as she's always called The Man.  *LOL*  That was one of the first things she re-taught him after the catastrophic brain injury and when he was allowed to cook again with supervision.   Yes, she knows how to make it herself the Right way, apparently I do it ALL WRONG, but she's not allowed to use the stove yet without supervision either... so they typically make her two favorite dishes together.   Forget about cooking that Kiddo a Gourmet Meal, only The Young Prince and I prefer Gourmet... Princess T and The Man prefer Yellow Death cheap Man-N-Cheese outta the box and Bachelor/College Kid Staples like fifteen cent Top Ramen!   I'd suggest they're Cheap to Keep but that would be a Lie!  *Ha ha ha* 

Actually Yesterday was a Good Day in spite of the VA Transport Fiasco playing out.  He didn't really wanna go to the Class anyway and going to Brunch with me before picking up our Grandson was much more preferable on a Gloriously Beautiful day outside.   His Anxiety diminished and The Young Prince, upon seeing Grandpa in the vehicle said, "So, I see the VA still hasn't gotten their shit together?  They gotta get it together..."   Then he showed me the new Laptop he'd Earned at School, very nice, about a $300 piece of Technology that will be very Helpful in his Studies Online.  The coup de gras that almost slayed me, his Report Card... he got THREE A's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   WHAAAAAT!!!???   Yep, I took a 2nd look just to ensure he didn't have someone else's Report Card by mistake?

OMG... I couldn't have been more Proud, even tho' the other two Grades were D's, at least they weren't still F's, a D passes and earns a precious Credit... and I always knew he had some A's in him, they just weren't our Reality in the Public School System!   And a Trifecta of them, Damn... this was cause for much Celebration and I could see him Beaming in the back seat... Laptop AND Good Report Card all in one day, it was almost more Joy than we could handle on the Ride Home!!!   Now, to be sure we keep it all in perspective, even if he Aces every Class for the next two more years of being a Senior, after this year is a Wrap, he won't Graduate on Time, but he won't Age out of The System either.  So we have two more long years to go before he's Done with High School, I'm keeping Guardedly Optimistic.   Just like I am that Grandpa will ever get his Ride to the VA Appointment some day... either that, or we're both dying Peacefully in our sleep some day... and that's not such a Bad Thing or way to Go...


Blessings and Love from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian


  1. Good for you! Glad the day ended on a lighter note for all of you.

    1. Yes, there was balance in the day, some good, some bad... and we moved thru it okay... my little rant helped dispel any pent up frustration about what went Left during the day playing out... Blogging is so much cheaper than Therapy! *Smiles*

  2. Loved this post! Great news on the A's. And I love the "do you want to part of the problem or the solution?" question! I'm going to borrow that one! I, also, can be quite the tiger when things go wrong for my child or my parents. This happened recently. My mom's response, "You would have made a great attorney." Not really. Not cut out for that kind of job. But I AM great at amassing evidence when I want to make a point and talking convincingly - as in, I think you would be much happier if you did the right thing, etc. etc. Such great news about your grandson!

    1. Yes, the gathering of evidence is something that us Gatherers by Nature are pretty good at as well as finding cool stuff, huh? LOL The good report card did indeed balance out the day for us.

  3. Yay for the news about The Young Prince!
    Boo for the news about VA!
    Loving the skulls with the flowers in their eyes.
    xo Jazzy Jack

    1. It was a Boo and Yay kinda day but I truly felt the Good News outweighed the Bad... so Proud of my Young Prince, I always knew he had those A's in him!

  4. Yes, Yay for the young prince perhaps he can GED test out of some classes.
    and Love your Man, and good luck, hubby has been on the machine for two months after apparently years of almost dying in his sleep---so it won't be as bad as you think. good luck!

    1. Glad to hear that Machine will do some Good, whenever we can manage to receive it that is?! *LOL* Ah, well, he's lasted this long without it he says, we didn't even realize we've spent years of almost dying in our sleep! *Ha ha ha*


A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl