Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Pre-Posthumous Humor

Yes, the Post Title is indeed very Gilliamesque... but I haven't been feeling that Well, the Diabetes has been rather a bitch lately and I've felt like Death warmed over!  Finally I had to take myself off the insanely high increased doses they'd prescribed in their experimentation of what MIGHT work and go back to the reduced Insulin dose of before.   I HAD to, felt like they might be killing me and The Young Prince googled my extreme symptoms and determined I was definitely having Insulin overdose reactions.

  There... I'm getting my Medical Advice from a 17 year old Grandchild who probably has a higher IQ and definitely more sense than most Western Medical Docs I've seen!  *LOL*  Who don't really have 'answers' and play around with meds and doses like I'm some Guinea Pig... one trapped inside my own Body so we gotta just Make It Work as Tim Gunn would say!  Anyway, lowering the dose instantly worked and I can eat again... or even smell food without being horribly nauseous!  I also felt considerably better, tho' not completely better. *Whew*

At least my appetite returned to where I can feel like eating portions of a meal, tho' eating several times a day is still a stretch for me, even tho' I know I should.  I try to eat something Divine so that I'll WANT desperately to eat at least some of it, even tho' I can hardly ever eat all of it anymore.  One would think I'd drop lots of weight being unable to eat properly, I really haven't, which SUCKS!

I am Meditating more so that at least my Head Space will be in better shape than my physical body.   And I've been resting and sleeping a lot, fatigue has been a huge factor in this downward physical spiral I'd been free falling into.  And I can't afford the Luxury of being too tired... since Caregiving requires you to be alert, somewhat rested and getting what needs to be done... done!

At least there are some Events coming up that I'm looking forward to attending that will buoy the Spirit.   The Halloween and Autumn Events are my absolute Favorites that I look forward to all year, so Emotionally that is a definite Bonus to have them coming up.  Having our Home decked out for the Holidays early has been beneficial too.

Despite all of the crazy stuff going on in the World right now I think I'm doing Okay overall.  It's hard not to think about how much is happening that is not Positive in the World around us, but mostly I try to focus upon not engaging with Negativity if I can avoid it.  I only watch as much of the News on TV as I can Handle in any given day.

I Scored another piece of Old Wedgwood to go on the Dia de los Muertos Altar in Tribute to my Mom.  Clearly the Thrift Shop didn't know what it was since I got it for Ninety-Nine Cents and had another 20% Off with my Military Discount!  Antique Wedgwood tends to be in a darker Cobalt Blue Jasperware Dip as you can see the shade difference between this earlier Pen Tray and the later period Candlesticks. So it is likely 19th Century or even earlier.  I found the exact one online but no value noted.

Doesn't matter, I'm Keeping it for Future Altars Honoring the Spirit of departed Loved Ones.   And speaking of the departed, we had an Interesting unexpected conversation in the Truck on the way Home from The Young Prince's School.  He knows I haven't been feeling Well lately and began asking about the location of everything that pertains to my pre-paid Funeral arrangements... you know, just in case!  And then went on to say that he realizes with the Adoption of he and his Sister, now they are Heirs along with their Mom, Uncle and Aunt... so could he have all my Taxidermy when I die?  *Bwahahahahahaha!!!*

Gotta Love these Kiddos, no Topic is Off Limits with them, they will discuss the Morbid Issues of Life as freely and nonchalant as the most mundane of Topics! *LMAO*  I went along with it since such things should in fact be discussed at some point, he's likely to be the one who would have the presence of Mind to be handling my Affairs anyway once I cross over... so why not?  I don't know why but it's actually Funny to me to be discussing my final arrangements because it's just a Strange Topic to enter into really in a matter of fact and casual way. As if we're discussing somebody else and I'm talking about myself in the 3rd person, which is just Weird and hilarious to me!

I know Mom always liked to talk about hers, as if she was Planning some Awesome Trip... which I suppose it IS really... but it always struck me as Funny.  Now when discussing my own Mortality, if the subject just happens to randomly come up in conversation, mostly with The Force since they can be Morbid little buggers, it's still rather Amusing to me.  Because tho' we all know it's gonna happen to us all, I don't think about it all that much.  Tho' The Man and I made our final arrangements and paid them off many years ago so no Adult Kids or Grands would be burdened with it or the expenses.

I asked The Young Prince Why, do I look like I'm dying and is this why the Topic randomly came up?  He grinned and quipped, "Well, not every day..."  Nuff said!!!  *Bwahahahahahahaha!!!!!*   Then he went on to query as to his Obligations to raise his Little Sister in the Event something were to happen to me before she's grown... and what would he do with Grandpa?   I asked if all this was giving him undue Anxiety and he said only when I don't look so Good.  He wasn't Smiling this time, so I can see it weighs heavily upon him sometimes when I'm not doing so Good.

See... this IS something that Families with Loved Ones with profound Special Needs or who require Full Time Caregiving have to discuss eventually.  Or when Grandparents are raising Grandchildren and have to Last longer than usual to get the Job done!  We don't know yet whether The Young Prince will even be able to live independently and without some Caregiving due to his SMI condition?  And yet he realizes his Uncle also Deals with a lifetime Disability.  So it would be a stretch for his Uncle to take on the responsibility of everyone if I 'go' first.  He's pretty much intelligently determined he's next in line to inherit whoever is left!  He takes it very Seriously since he's a very Serious Child who Thinks deeply and profoundly for his Age.

His Mother called Today from Mexico... she had been robbed at gunpoint last week and had to give up her purse and cell phone, it traumatized her and sent her into a Mental Health downward spiral of Fixating upon the Thugs.  She knows this isn't good, she is Okay and not harmed from the robbery, she can replace Phone and Purse, but now she's Paranoid more than usual... and usually her Paranoia is high, so she's been rather on the Crazy Train and Aware of it.  

She said her Son hasn't been taking her Messages or Calls, I told her I knew he'd been avoiding her and Why.  He had thought she might not be Well right now and can't Handle it... she's Okay with that and suspected as much.  I told her he hasn't been doing so Well either sans Psyche Meds.  She said something quite profound about being at a place in her life now where she might seek Treatment again and try to get more stabilized, I'm Happy about that introspection, it's rare for her.  I'm guardedly optimistic she might seek Medical intervention when things get real bad now... but I'm more guarded than optimistic until it actually happens.

You can have epiphanies but the follow thru doesn't always happen after them.  I know this because it's happened with me as well and I suspect it can and does happen to any of us.   One epiphany The Young Prince and I had, even before his Mom's call Today, was that we're nixing the trip to Mexico after hearing of her being the victim of armed robbery.  She's extremely Street Smart and not an easy Mark, so if it happened to her it can happen to anyone.  She was Glad she didn't resist or go on The Crazy Train when it happened, since she heard the click of the pistol being cocked.  But it was a trigger to a serious Mental Health Episode she's still working thru.  Her Demons run Deep and it's a Lifelong struggle she suspects no Cure will become available for in her Lifetime.

 The Safety factor about Mexico, and especially now when Americans are getting targeted more due to the current Political Climate being so f---ed up, is something we don't have a Peace about.  She agreed, tho' it's been over nine long years since our last visit, she agreed it's not a good time to be an American in many parts of Mexico.  Hell, it's probably not a good time to be a Mexican in many parts of Mexico... and some other unstable parts of the World where violence and corruption are continuously escalating!   Not to mention several large 7 and 8 point Earthquakes as well!!!

I used to be quite the Global Nomad so really that bothers me that Foreign Travel anymore is something you really have to Think long and hard about nowadays.   Especially if you have a Family in tow... I want all of their Travel Experiences to be Memorable in only the best possible ways and not the worst!  "Mebbe we should think about just going to Hawaii rather than Mexico or Bora Bora Gramma", The Young Prince said Today.  

 Would you be too disappointed to ditch the Bora Bora Dream Vacay in favor of a Trip to Hawaii he wanted to know?   Nope... at this juncture and after filling out a tonnage of paperwork to try to obtain Passports, I don't think so... I think it would be just Fine!  *LOL*   Now that I have Adopted The Force at least Travel is possible without Approval from various Agencies, like when they were a Kinship Placement and I had virtually no Rights and was viewed merely as a Convenience to The System saving Money.

But still, I find myself not wanting to jump thru any more extraordinary Hoops anymore to be Approved for anything.  Our situation is still somewhat complex enough it is usually more than just a pain in the ass to try to convey.  As I was filling out the Passport requests I couldn't even remember the Birth Date of my Dad... long gone... and that Upset me tremendously that I had already Forgotten!  To be Fair my Dad rarely talked about his Birth or Childhood since it was traumatic and difficult.  So I didn't even know which State he'd even been born in until after his Death! 

But, forgetting important things is Upsetting to me all the same... it reminds me of my own Memory deterioration and it's frustrating to have Upsetting Senior Moments of things you feel you should never Forget!   When something very important and Cherished cannot even be recalled, well... you Wonder what else has gone by the wayside in forgotten Memory?!?  *LOL*   "It's probably the Diabetes...", The Young Prince offered as a semi Comforting explanation... tho' we both know it's probably only part of it.  Then we engaged in hilarious banter of Gallows Humor about what he'll have to do with me if I get any worse off... *Bwahahahahahaha!*

It involved a skit where he anonymously dumps me off at the most expensive Nursing Home we can't afford with my suitcase and telling me I'm Home!  And me playing along in a most hilarious demented way that would make Staff feel so bad they couldn't possibly turn me out or away.  We laughed our asses off all the way Home... from talks of my demise to pawning me off on a High End Nursing Home in one single ride Home from School... I know... we're sic like that!  *Winks*


Blessings and Love from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian


  1. Oh My! Might as well laugh at it! Glad you're feeling better!

    1. I don't know why but we've found the most Humor in the Darkest of circumstances... and it Helps! LOL

  2. With your Gallows humor you might appreciate the Gallows humor my daughter and I have about the firehouse in our neighborhood we drive past every day. Like many firehouses are I guess every Firehouse it has one of those signs with a picture of a baby on it meaning it's a safe place to abandon a baby. At this Firehouse there is also a bus stop and off and elderly people wait in the shade or the rain cover of the firehouse as they wait for the bus. My daughter and I have made it into a joke about how families, worn out with caregiving grandma or Grandpa have dropped them off at the firehouse. We probably make this joke because in fact my parents are getting pretty old and there is a lot of stress and strain on all of us as we try to help each other through this Bend in the road. Making these jokes release are stressed. My daughter and I are both committed to being helpful to my parents. It's not easy for her being a teenager but she does it. Does the firehouse jokes. You might be one of the few that understands, smile.

    1. I do understand, as I helped look after my ailing and elderly Parents for many years, and so in gallows humor style I found the Firehouse Sign Humor hilarious! Whatever relieved the stress and strains of the Issues of Life in a way that harms nobody I think is a good thing... even the Dark Humor. God Bless your Daughter for having a Servant's Heart at such a young age to assist those who have Need of whatever she can contribute. And a big hug to you, I know how difficult aiding an Elderly Loved One can be even with the very best of intentions.

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A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl