Wednesday, September 6, 2017

HOA's And Other Things We Hate



**Warning... Profanity and an Epic Rant ahead!  Winks**

I know, Hate is a Strong Word as Princess T would remind me.  But when we were looking for The New Home the one thing we wanted to avoid was an HOA, we HATE them.   Alas, just about every place has them now so they're almost impossible to avoid and so we have one and we don't like that.  But since we keep a Nicely Maintained Home we Hoped no petty harassment would take place.  Our Friends with HOA's and more experience with them, and the bane of your existence they can become, said that wasn't likely to ever happen, expect The Letters... they WILL come, you can count on it no matter how diligently you keep your property up.   I had Hoped they were wrong... they weren't.  Let's Hope they don't make your Dream Home a Nightmare they had told us.  Uh Oh...




 They said, either you will have anal Neighbors with no Life who have nothing better to do than file Complaints against anyone or everyone with various petty grievances  {check}, or you will have folks on the Board who imagine themselves to be Dictators of a Community as if it's their personal Kingdom to Lord over {check}.  After all, it's probably the most important job they ever had and now they feel like it makes them somebody important... or just somebody... who knows except mebbe their Therapist or Shrink what their exact Issues and Insecurities are??!  *Winks*




So... The Letter came... and thus we are no longer Virgins of the HOA Harassment Letter Experience... and being FORCED to do anything against my Will is not something I ever shine onto lemme tell ya!  We don't like how you've trimmed your Palms or Bushes, it's a 'concern'... no frond or leaf can touch the ground... WTF?!?  My first impression is whoever wrote this must be Bat Shit Crazy, my Dwarf Palms and Date Palm look just fine, are very healthy and thriving, I cut any dead fronds off them and prefer them bushier and NOT to be butchered and trimmed within an inch of their lives. 




  Yes, I know that mostly and generally the most pretentious of Yuppies and most anal of folks LIKE to trim all their poor plants within an inch of their lives and their Landscapers butcher the Hell out of them around here.  Which is why so many of their plants look sickly and die off, needing to be replaced often, they're abused the poor things!   The regimented submission of plants is very contrived and not visually appealing IMO.  I don't want my bushes trimmed like Disneyland Topiary into squares and circles or pom-poms, it looks ridiculous, unless it's at a Child's Theme Park... plants just don't grow Naturally like that... EVER!!!




And so here's me, reading said Letter in Fuck You Mode and trying not to have spontaneous combustion and drag someone into Court right away... tho' that will be coming if I start feeling singled out and Harassed lemme tell ya, got no problem with that!  I spent almost all of my Corporate Lives in Court protecting the Interest and Investment of the Corporations I worked for and I was relentless and very good at it.   So if it's my own Interest and Investment I'm protecting just how much more Ruthless do you suppose I could be?!  *Winks*  My Middle Finger Salute to said letter was the most minimal of Compliance, I trimmed only the pieces of frond and bush near the ground up about 2 inches from the ground... there... put that in your Pipe and Smoke it!




And I am meticulous at documenting evidence, in case I Need that Day in Court to Sue the shit out of someone and get a nice Settlement.   Besides I can always use more Money and that Trip to Bora Bora compliments of some pretentious prick that decides they want to spar with me over trifles and disturb my Zen.  They better know the letter of the Law, because I do, and the moment they cross that line, it's ON!  We keep to ourselves, we leave everyone alone, we want to be left alone in Peace and Harmony.  We're Cordial to all of them and Close to none of them, we're Okay with that, it's how Subdivision Hell tends to operate by it's very Nature.   I preferred our Old Community of Sociable Neighbors in the Historic Neighborhood, who had busy lives and got along within their Community, so pettiness was not something we ever experienced in all the decades lived in non-HOA Communities.




In fact, what I was used to in the Old Neighborhood were Neighbors that often came over to Help with Yard Work or Gardening, knowing I had a Disabled Spouse.   Avid Gardeners like myself most Neighbors were, so we often traded plant starts, cuttings and seeds, Shared the bounty of our Harvests from our Victory Gardens or Fruit Trees.   Nobody had a Gardener, nobody had a Maid or a Pool Boy, nobody took themselves too Seriously so as to be a pain in the ass to anyone or everyone else and be in everyone's business.  Rather than hiding behind the cowardly anonymity of Secretive Complaints you actually had a face to face if you wanted someone, to say... turn down their music or you had what you thought to be a legit grievance with them.  You worked things out mutually and respectfully, I was never harassed and I never harassed anyone either.




I've never Missed those Good Neighbors more... and when we go back Home to the Old Neighborhood, we pick up right where we left off and Socialize as if we've never left.  They Miss us, we Miss them... I wouldn't Miss a Goddam thing here except the actual House, which is pretty Sweet and we Love the Home so we Tolerate everything else about around here that gets under our skin.  Including the HOA, to pay to be harassed... and dictated to... such irony really since this is America the alleged Land of Freedom from Dictatorship!   The Man particularly resents Serving his Country to Preserve Freedom for 39 Years only to be told by some HOA being petty that they don't like how his Palm Trees are trimmed!  They're MY fucking Palm Trees he angrily said, I paid for them and they're on my Land, if I want them lush and bushy who is that HURTING?




You see, we don't actually Care how anyone else trims their Palm Trees, or their plants, we have a Life.   It's not as if our property is rife with Weeds or Trash, it's not being laid to Waste and Neglect.  We don't have dead plants or butchered plants which ARE an eyesore and exist on several properties within eyesight.  Frankly I don't Care if you are ignorant of proper plant Care and thus you've got to continuously replace yours or want them trimmed ridiculously, it's your prerogative at your House to have it be as it Pleases you and yours.  As for me and mine, we Love Gardening and Plants, so we pamper ours and they respond by thriving and looking like we Want them to, Natural and Well Maintained.




I brought my once frail Queen's Wreath Vine back from the brink of death when I bought it at a plant Nursery, the only specimen I could find in the whole Valley so they discounted it since they doubted it would survive!   I'm just waiting now for some asshole to say they don't like my Vine Covered Villa and send me a Letter?!?   Yeah, a good ole' Rant has made this Boho Gal Feel somewhat better about appeasing people I don't Agree with at all about things that shouldn't bother them at all... but do... I can only Hope they find the right Therapist or Shrink one day and get enough Couch Time to work thru that shit some other kinda way?!?  *LOL*   Where they're so preoccupied with other people's lives that they fail to have one of their own... or want everyone to be JUST LIKE THEM... Stepford Wife Style... Gak... Heaven Forbid!  *Shudder!*




The Letter had a lot of the Planned Community bringing attention to matters that need to be addressed to achieve goals common to all members verbiage in it... apparently no individualism is allowed?  And it really read more like a threat at bullying... into compliance and submission... which I have zero tolerance for bullying and coercing folks against their Free Will or to try to Dominate others.   The covenants and restrictions say nothing at all about the 'Legal' way to trim a Palm Tree or a Bush... in fact, I don't think there is one... it's quite subjective and made-up bullshit.   Our Palms and Bushes are healthy and happy, looking just fine and well Cared for.  I don't plan to butcher them to appease some goal common to all, whatever that may be interpreted to be in the imagination of someone who is bugged by Natural looking plants.




And now apparently we are mutually bugged since their Letter just served to really Piss me Off and Create extreme Anxiety for my Disabled Spouse, who doesn't need more shit to Deal with, especially contrived petty shit by someone else that doesn't even matter and isn't necessary.   I ate a half bag of forbidden Wavy Fried Green Tomato Lays Chips just to get my Calm back after said Letter and diffuse my Anger and Irritation.  *LOL*   It's a new flavor, they want you to vote on it, I don't have time to vote on it but it's pretty good and soothed my agitation.  So it's worth the crappy numbers it'll likely Create when I test my blood sugars later before my Insulin Shot and Meds Tonight!  I'm supposed to avoid Stress and Stressful Situations, what a Joke!!!  *Ha ha ha*




And I'm perfectly Content with how our Home and Property is Maintained inside and out, we're not disgusting people that Need to be told how to take Care of ourselves or of our things, we're quite capable of that without intrusion.  And if it isn't of the particular Taste of some, well, it's not theirs so until they're paying all my bills... Fuck Off and worry about your own shit Thank You!!!   I will gladly do a face to face sit down with any of the Complainers and those who drive around the alleged 'Community' {for lack of a better term of what this place is} and assess Compliance Issues... I will gladly tell you to Fuck Off to your face as well if you've crossed your Legal Boundaries of enforcement.   Becoz once you Engage me, well Honey, you bought the ticket so you're on for the whole Wild terrifying Ride I will take you on!  *Evil Cackle*




Becoz you can take the Gal out of the Hood... but you can't take the Hood out of the Gal and I'll gladly go Hood on any of them, no problem.   And No, we don't Fight Fair coz Fair is Rare... and like my Dear Ole' Dad liked to joke... you can fight an Apache all day long and never see one... so we'll go Old School Apache Style and see how ya like me now?  *Winks*   The Vent has made me see the Humor in it all... and it's way cheaper than Therapy to Rant a bit and get it out of my System.   And go talk to my Dwarf Palms and Date Palm and tell them, it's Okay, Mama is not going to Sacrifice you, butcher you and throw you under the bus to appease some anal assholes I have nothing in common with, who are bugged by your ample luxurious fronds!  And Yes, I DO talk to my Plants, I'm Crazy like that and Feel they Respond Beautifully by how Lovely they all look and grow!   And you might Need to Pray for me so I won't go on the Warpath and start taking scalps of whose decided to be my Enemy!??!??!   *Winks*



*******

Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

11 comments:

  1. I live in a development with an HOA. I don't mind them because they have never bothered me but if I got a letter telling me they did not approve of something that I did or did not do, I would be mad as hell also.

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    1. I am glad you have never had any negative experiences because indeed it does leave a bad taste in the mouth. I don't like to remain Angry or not be at Peace with where I live and in Harmony with my surroundings. We like our Homes to be our Sanctuaries from the unpleasantness that can be out in the World, so to be attacked AT Home is the most violated of feelings.

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  2. I have an HOA, too. Like you, I hate the idea of them. So far they just take our money and do absolutely nothing. But the HOA in my daughter's development is more like yours. Annoying that one pays so much money for a home and then can't landscape as one likes.

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    1. Agreed, from years of knowing people with an HOA I never had a positive opinion about most and how they are managed. I would have preferred to avoid them and if we Sell this Home, we will never buy another with an HOA... this first Homeowner experience with them was more than enough negative input.

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  3. My brother was living with his business partner in a very expensive prestige's condo in Chicago and they painted there spiral staircase going down to the court yard with black and white cow spots. The HOA lost it. We still laugh about it to this very day.

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    1. Hilarious! I can visualize it in my Mind's Eye, the staircase... and them losing it!

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  4. Been there, done that---good luck! Most H0-A's, as I like to call them, do have anal individuals and 'lawyers' on their boards, and doubtfully any horticulturalists. Sigh, Good luck!

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    1. Ho-A's, now I shall call them that too! winks

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  5. Oh I feel your pain. Have never lived in HOA community but have good friends who have been at war with their HOA for a couple years. We live in the country and the cows and horses we have for neighbors don't complain. Grateful. ;)

    Good luck, it sounds like you sure can hold your own.

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    1. I'd rather have Animals as neighbors most days! Ha ha ha

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  6. This is a really good idea that you have going on. manufacturing
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