Friday, February 24, 2017

Reflective... Lets Find A Compartment For That...



I know that I feel the Need to find Compartments for everything, literally and figuratively.   I probably look for external Storage just as much as I probably also unconsciously try to do the same in my Mind... to give the semblance of Order to any kind of Chaotic stuff.   Whether it's tangible stuff or not!   If I've got a Compartment to put it into then I can just handle having it better.   I don't like disorder or utter Chaos, it makes me physically feel rather Sick actually if I have to be around it too much.  Now, that doesn't mean Tidy per se, I have the capacity to live in a Mess or Deal with a Mess so long as I can make some Order of it that makes sense to ME!




I have been very reflective lately about personal stuff and I don't mean 'things'... but more about how Life is playing out and to Compartmentalize various things happening and which I'm Dealing with.   And then I realized that is what I was doing... again!   And since I have a habit of delving deep I decided to Google the habit of Compartmentalizing stuff, and how it is defined... it was interesting and fascinating . "Compartmentalization is an unconscious psychological defense mechanism used to avoid cognitive dissonance, or the mental discomfort and anxiety caused by a person's having conflicting values, cognitions, emotions, beliefs, etc. within themselves." 




 Not certain, after reading that definition, that I totally understand why unconsciously I do this habitually... didn't think I was THAT conflicted!?  Or that defensive and implementing defense mechanisms to Cope with just being, well... ME?!   *Smiles*  But Mental Discomfort, well, yeah, got a lot of THAT all of the time, there's a LOT going on in there and not all of it is Comfortable... in my Head Space!   And hey, I DO like to be Comfortable, within reason, can't say I'm a Fan of Discomfort in daily Living!  *LOL*




And the Cognitive Dissonance thing... had to explore that deeper now since I was intrigued and once I start delving deep my Friends I might as well have a Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea Moment because that's where I'm heading!  I can't help myself... it's gonna be some deep diving since my Curiosity is now in hyperdrive and I gotta now know MORE even if it's beyond my understanding and leaves more questions than answers again!  *LOL*   A state of having inconsistent thoughts, etc... well, yeah, that's ME alright!   I'm so inconsistent in how my thoughts are, since they scatter in so many different directions that I suppose I do have THAT!  No great revelation there... I'm quite willing and able to go off in many different directions... and I'm told, sometimes all at once!  *Smiles*  




 I confess that I do tend to try to see all sides to all things regardless of my own behaviors and personal attitudes about anything and in doing so, I'm not firm and entrenched very much, I can and do Change my Mind... often.  I'm Okay with Evolving as I go along Merrily thru Life.  I am pretty fluid actually in broadly exploring anything and everything and expanding.  Perhaps enlarging my own horizons by exposure to differences that are varied from my own and have different points of view.  I've been known to open a Pandora's Box, by on purpose, asking questions or debating things I know other people are deeply Passionate about and have strong points of view, opinions or attitudes of.  I'm Curious that way even if we agree to disagree during the exchange.




 I am never certain that everyone is always right nor always wrong... in fact, I seriously doubt anyone ever is actually and so I draw my own conclusions constantly based on that.  Which could be subject to change without notice, my own conclusions, as I gather MORE information as I go along and re-arrange my own point of view and Belief systems about stuff in general!  So you see, it never ends and I'm Okay with that, viewing everything from all angles, evolving constantly... tho' this definition thing suggests I might be having anxiety and Mental Discomfort about The Process of it??!!!   *Ha ha ha*  




And so the compartments I apparently formulate in my brain to house it all!?  To make some Order and some sense to all this input coming in... or moving out... depending on what I'm rejecting or keeping for a while?  To explore deeper, because I'm only keeping info that remains relevant to me and rejecting anything now that I got more information on and disproved, at least in my own Mind, as being worthy of keeping at all as accurate or beneficial information, Ideals, Beliefs, etcetera.  I just Question things, constantly... and seek Answers... maybe to some things that don't actually have any and thus will always be Questionable?




 There's been a fair amount of personal stuff that has required being reflective about... and if it's not working, ditching it and Moving On.  In Hopes of discovering what will work better, more efficiently... or even at all if we've had less than marginal results.  I can do that and thus often do ditch what isn't working in favor of finding what will.   And I suppose in a way that is consistent inconsistency of Habit and what I Value, would you say?  *LOL*   And Yes, Conflicting Emotions I Deal with every day as a Primary Caregiver, in fact, Emotional Conflict is rampant and a Constant with Caregiving!




You do have to find Peace about the Fact you will Emotionally Feel all kinds of different ways that are in direct opposition to each other sometimes... well, most all times actually in my World.   Learning to Deal with the Emotional rollercoaster of accommodating other people and all their Issues and Emotional instability has been the bane of my existence sometimes.   Emotionally I'd probably be on a more even keel if I wasn't having the continual input from the Emotional instability around me.   If left to just my own Emotional disposition I'd say I have mostly Positive Emotions if they're not infected by external Emotions of others that tend to be more Negative and challenging.




In fact, Emotional and Mood Regulation is really important to me.  So it is rather ironic really that my role as Caregiver has often exposed me daily to those with the inability to Emotionally and Mood Regulate.   I think their Emotional and Mood Regulators must be broken, I dunno?  At the very least seriously out of whack... and so it is not often socially tolerable... or sufficiently flexible to permit spontaneous reactions as well as the ability to delay spontaneous reactions as needed.   It's one extreme or the other with them and regulation of any of it is non-existent!  So I've been apparently inserted as their surrogate Regulator?  *Winks*




Being someone else's surrogate Regulator can take a lot out of you and does create anxiety and Mental Discomfort that is for sure!   But you do need to control fluid flow of whatever it is in the whole Experience... because Too Much... or Not Enough... in the way of Mood Swings and extreme Emotions can just end up much more uncomfortable and heighten anxiety all around!  I'm often reflective about how best to assist those without the Natural Ability to self-regulate get to the place where they receive assistance and don't resist it or just deregulate to the point of 'Danger Will Robinson'...


via: Google Images


Yes, eliminating all restrictions on Emotionally and Mood regulating is not a good thing when someone can't recognize acceptable boundaries whatsoever and will cross them like a drunk driver careening down the road with peddle to the metal in a vehicle with no brakes!   I've been very reflective lately about The Young Prince's Education and what I can be Okay with in the way of it being more Successful?  




 Right now we're on a mutually agreed upon severely reduced School Day at his regular High School since they couldn't find alternative suitable placement elsewhere and he has to be somewhere, it's the Law.  Where hopefully he can Succeed more in a couple hours of a Modified curriculum than he was at Failing being forced to have a Traditional Full School day that other Kiddos can handle and clearly he could not and wasn't Coping well during!?   So far, so good, but it's still in the Experimental very early stages of Adaptation to meet Need.




So for now anyway, my Transportation and Scheduling Challenges with considerable Hardship have been delayed... Whew... can't say I'm not relieved about that!   I was rather running around like a scalded Cat and I'm not really certain how much of that I couldda handled without hitting the Wall?!   Of coarse it meant an unscheduled mandatory On The Fly Meeting again with his Guidance Counselor Yesterday Morning to Approve Changes and actually alter and tweak them some more.   Since by Law he apparently has to have his Special Needs Class and Teacher be a part of the Process so we were tacking that on to the Online I-School Core Class to be in Compliance.    Which I knew nothing whatsoever about said Meeting until The Call came in from the Young Prince saying they wouldn't release him to be picked up, I had to go in... and thus blindsided me...




 You see... I got The Call as I was pulling up to the High School to pick him up after his first day of reduced Schedule... with his little Sister in the vehicle and ready to be dropped off ON TIME to begin her School day, which was less than 10 minutes before deadline of... in my Pajamas!!!  Yeah... Mi Vida Loca!!!  So... I had to explain that they'd have to just Hold him and delay said Meeting for an extended Moment, as I dropped her off at School so she wouldn't be Late... and go Home to get hastily dressed in real clothes and pick up The Man for said impromptu Meeting!  *Yowsah!*   Oh, and after that we were scheduled to go in and get our Income Taxes done... so it was rather a complex, adventurous Morning to say the least!  *Bwahahaha!*




And if you have never, ever tried to hurry Special Needs Children or Grown Men with Traumatic Brain Injury, lemme just tell ya and give a Word Up that it can't really be done with any measure of Success and them totally not discombobulating!   Just the mention of the Words I need you to Hurry will set them into moving at the speed of Death and turning in tight circles as they now short circuit and it will be like herding Cats!   'Danger Will Robinson'...  BTW: This Fabulous Iconic Art painted on the side of an East Side Business has now been painted over by a new Business occupying the building and making it now in a Word... another "Ugly" Commercial City Wall, I'm distraught at the wanton destruction of Beauty and Art!   But I digress...




Where was I?  Oh yes, my fascination with Psychology really since the study of Behavior and Mind is absolutely fascinating to me.   I want to know more about Cognitions so lately that has been my Focus, to learn more.   I know that I try to make Order out of my Chaos, it's how I Cope with it better.  Coping with all these things all at once takes some kind of perceived Order in my Mind so that I stay on track and don't unravel myself.  I know that Environmental Stress has caused Compartmentalizing things without even thinking about the fact I'm doing it.  Being OCD kinda makes it radical in many ways and not always logical in how I default to this Habit, I know I'm both obsessive and compulsive.  It's like feeling in Control of things spiraling out of Control  or having that Illusion and which you just have to be a part of even tho' you'd rather not be.




Yes, the Mysteries of what we do and why we do them are complex, sometimes we don't even have explanations or realizations of the whole Process going on with us and within us... or with others.   But having some loose understanding of it all can Help... because Life will Play Out and you've got to Deal with that some kind of way, don't you?

*******

Blessings and Reflections from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian




7 comments:

  1. Ah yes, this sounds so familiar. Complete with the desire to dive deep!
    Trying to make sense of our wonderfully fertile brainstorming minds which set up another ten possible directions to explore even while we are compartmentalising!
    I love to collect storage boxes and containers...is this why? xo Jazzy Jack

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Being Birds of a Feather I'd say your urge to Collect storage boxes and containers probably is why my Friend! *winks* May we merrily compartmentalize all that we feel a Need to and delve deeply to the exploration of the unknowns... and I have to add, ONLY TEN POSSIBLE DIRECTIONS? I could perhaps narrow mine to Ten, but it would be a stretch! *LOL* Dawn... The Bohemian

      Delete
  2. Great post. That was some morning. I am tired just reading about it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I took a long nap, which began at 10:00 A.M.! Seriously I did... needed it to be re-energized enough for when the 2nd one came home from school! *LOL* But the Good News, we're getting a refund! Dawn... The Bohemian

      Delete
  3. The daughter is dealing with a special needs child as well....10 years old and brilliant (if I do say so myself) but entirely unpredictable. Unexpected calls to pick up said child at various times of the day as he goes off the rails. I commiserate. You seem to have a very positive attitude throughout. Also, I enjoyed your eclectic collection of pictures.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, that fine line between Genius and Insanity seems to be a common thread. The most predictable thing is always that there will be unpredictability. *smiles* And you go ahead and say so about that brilliant Grandchild, it's our Grandparent right to say no brag, just fact... well, perhaps some brag and swag about the Sunshines of our lives! *Winks* So glad you came by for a Blog visit, I so thoroughly Enjoyed your Posts as I went thru the Archives and delighted in the topics. Dawn... The Bohemian

      Delete
  4. The shortened school day at the regular high school sounds like it could be the answer! Hoping, for both of you!!

    ReplyDelete

A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl