Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Fifty Shades Of Grey Won't Do... I Needed Kabuki Red

So the dilemma for the Juliet Room has been what color to go with Black for the Walls of what will eventually Transform into a Meditation Room?   Though Grey is a Trending Color I like very much, the fifty shades of Grey won't do, it just didn't Feel right no matter how many swatches I gathered of various glorious Grey, it felt Cold and I couldn't Connect to it.   You can like a Color just Fine and even Admire it in decorating, but it doesn't mean it's for you... Grey is like that for me.  I Needed my Red back to go with my Black, I was Missing it a lot since moving out of my Old Art Studio Cottage which had Divine Red and Black Walls that felt so Inviting and like a cocoon.  But finding a Good Red in Paint Colors is, in a word, Limited.   I had all but given up and resigned myself to settling for Grey until I found it, Kabuki Red by Kilz!  This was it, the shade I had been searching for exactly!

A great Asian Inspired Red I knew would be Ideal, finding it had been the biggest challenge.  I didn't want a Red bordering on Pinkish or Burgundy, which most are, too much White in the hue and you've got Pinkish, too much Black in the hue and you have Burgundy and I didn't want an Orange-ish or Purplish Red either!  I wanted a Pure Red almost Blood hued.  I wanted that Chinese Black and Red combo I Connect to strongly and would go with so many of the Elements in that Room that already have great Reds in them, like the Persian Rugs and Vintage Carnival Kitsch Decor.   Yes, I had decided I wanted Whimsy that I find to be both Comforting, Inviting and Inspiring while I Meditate.   The Imagery of a Zen Spa was enticing, with Greens, Whites and Buddha Statuary... but the more time I spent with those Images, the less at Home I felt with it all. I'm not Visiting this Space, I'm Living with it, so it had to be more Me.

A Friend Sold me his Custom Artist Commissioned Sign Display as he moved out of his Showroom recently, for a pittance even tho' he'd paid handsomely to have it Created.  He knew I always Appreciated the Imagination of it's Fantasy Story Line and the Circus like Whimsy.  I was Jazzed he made it totally doable and cheap, so it came Home with me for Valentine's Day!  It's HUGE, it didn't look so large hanging up high in a 55,000 square foot, two story Space as our Antique Mall is *Smiles*... but I'm totally diggin' it for my Juliet Room Meditation Space.  You see, I can Meditate in places that seem rather Odd to the Norm of Meditative Spaces.   An Imaginary Madame's House of Treasures is exactly the kind of Space I could totally Zone Out in and find total Peace, Rest and Meditative Centering!

And being ours is rather a Mad House it made me Smile when I did a close-up of the Fab Circus Style Font Hand-Lettering to Share, that after downloading had zoomed in on Mad House... Freudian coincidence?  *Winks*   Anyway, I Love Circus Font of all kinds, it's my Favorite Font... and Black, Gold and Red, well... need I say more... Ta-Da it's so ME isn't it?  I also found the faces of the Cherubs to be rather Creepy, demented and a bit grotesque, which added to the Oddity Charm of the whole piece!  Coz I'm totally Weird like that.   I doubt that it was the Artist's intent to make 'em Creepy Cherubs, but it's reminiscent of those Dolls never meant to or designed to Creep you out, but do anyway.   And when you J'adore Oddity Collections, well, it fits right in.  I think this will hang on one of the Kabuki Red Walls... but I'm not entirely Sure yet, will have to paint whole Room and see what looks like best placement?

The Bonjour Sign in Circus Lettering goes well with it that I Scored some time ago on Sale... and may even hang above it... think French Carnival, kinda New Orleans Style.  I am deeply contemplating this Room and how I want it to Transform, Jewel Tones with some Sepia will predominate I think since it's been rather absent in the rest of the Home as I've gone more Soothing Sage and Sepia Style for the rest of the Family.  Which I too Love and Connect to... but I Need my Colors of the Soul somewhere around here and my Meditation Space is Perfect to infuse it into our New Home's Decor!   I think I really want the Space to Create itself, that always works best for me and how my Old Art Studio Cottage came to Evolve into the Ideal Space I just Hated to give up.

I've got a lot of Weird and Wonderful stuff for this Room that has been patiently waiting being used to Decorate a Special Space and has been laying about to Hopefully provide some Inspiration.   I had visited Showrooms galore that Sell Furnishings that were more Zen Spa Inspired.  Tho' Soothing and Pretty... it was all too Minimalist and I felt if I went in that direction I'd end up redoing the Room rather than having Contentment about how it turned out.  I didn't want to waste precious resources buying an entire room full of Decor that wouldn't work in the long run.   I think if you gather what you Love over Time it just tends to turn out much better and be True to your inner Decorator that knows what you Connect to best and most successfully.

I have been gathering the Weird and Wonderful stuff that will inhabit this Room for quite some time now without really having any place to put it... so it's been like a loose Plan of sorts that was Evolving by itself anyway.   The Vintage Carnival Meditation Room... yeah, that about sums it up as to what the Aesthetic seems to be.  Quirky, Fun and as relaxing as a day at the Carnival where you unwind amid the Atmosphere of an Old Midway and Sideshow.  We'll see how it turns out anyway and what Functions the Room shall have overall since I suspect if it turns out the way I think it will, I'll want to spend a lot of time in there.

I've had the Post-Valentine's Day Blues lately... my Shift that Night had been super busy, which was a good thing.  Yet Sales were soft for me personally since I wasn't really Selling the type of wares folks tend to buy their Sweethearts for Valentine's Day.   And tho' we had a huge 20% Off Sale going on, it didn't entice folks to drop the bigger bucks for the higher priced pieces  that I had in my Inventory, so that was disappointing.   And I've been wrestling with complications of transferring The Young Prince from Public School to a Charter School setting much further away.  His new Guidance Counselor gave a referral and The Man and I went to check it out and it could work, so there is a small but guarded glimmer of Hope.  We have set up an appointment to evaluate him for placement there and it looks promising to me.   But with him you never know how he'll handle any kind of Change and interruption in his present routine, positively or negatively and about having to change Schools yet again?  We've had glimmers of Hope extinguished too many times before to get too excited.

Often Saving the Seriously Mentally Ill from themselves is a futile endeavor and I often have my throw the hands up in the air moments of total surrender about it all.  I feel totally inadequate to really Help him Succeed at this point and getting thru to him on a Logical level is like two people conversing in different languages that neither understands what the other is speaking!  So we just end up upset with each other, with me utterly despairing on how to get thru to him... and him giving me the SMI Shark Eyes, since now I've become Public Enemy No. 1 so it's like facing off for a Cage Fight against a top of the food chain opponent rather than mutual cooperation.  I don't want to set him up for yet another Failure, I don't think either of us could take that at this juncture.  But I can't Care more than he does either or be Motivated FOR him... and with no Psyche Meds him Caring about anything anymore is marginal at best and at worst he sees no reason to go on.  So mostly we're just trying to avoid him being Hospitalized again for Mental Health Breakdown or dangerous ideology manifesting during Dark spells.  I think my Cortisol levels are thru the roof right about now actually... no wonder I'm staying Fat and my Diabetic numbers are all jacked up! 

 Logistically transportation is going to be a big deal that I have to figure out too since there's no public transportation in these Rural Burbs so the Bus Vouchers the Charter School offers are no good to us. And other paid transport would cost a small fortune to and fro, so I'm going to be Taxi Service for him daily, while rushing back Home for his Little Sister to get to and fro from School also!   His present High School is walking distance and had high ratings, which was a huge factor to me buying in this area, so I feel bummed it was for naught.   I am only Hoping that by the time Princess T is High School bound that her Special Ed Resources in Grade School-Junior High {combined at her School, also walking distance} makes it so that she has a better measure of Success despite her Disabilities?  I don't want to go thru all this again... my daily Schedule as it is becomes ever more complex as things go wheels off the rails here at the Asylum.


In between the bouts of utter Madness tho' we do try to have a semblance of Normalcy... well, OUR Normal anyway.   So Princess T woke up Valentine's Day Morning to her little Surprise Gift she wasn't expecting.  How Cute is that Bag!?  How that Pup looks, well, it's kinda how I Feel when I'm meeting out the Love around here actually!  *Bwahahahahaha!*   Loving people can be exhausting, that's the part of Deep Love you often forget about when you're just thinking about all the Wonderful aspects of Loving.  You don't ever think about the exhausting parts and those parts that Hurt.

So, she got the elusive Special Edition Valentine's Sweetheart Collection of the coveted Shopkins she Collects and is Obsessed with.  She'd seen them way before Valentine's Day but she was with me and I wanted it to be a Surprise so I didn't buy them then.  Fast forward and I couldn't find them for weeks afterwards since they'd Sold Out everywhere or weren't carried apparently except in a few obscure places!  I Hate when that happens with Popular Coveted Toys for the Kiddos!   I stumbled upon this set in an even more obscure place I'd never expect to find Toys at all and especially not the most coveted ones... and on Sale 50% Off!!!!!!!!!  So Color me Freakin' Deliriously Happy about that bit of Pure Serendipity and enormous Favor since I'd almost given up finding them again, never mind at a deep Discount!

Her Brother is waiting for his Valentine's Day Gift for when we attend the Renaissance Festival since he wants an Arm Dragon.   His other Arm Dragon I bought him at a previous Ren Faire met with an unfortunate demise, which happens to much of his possessions actually.   I'm surprised I haven't found a Voodoo Doll of me up there being Tortured actually, since right now I'm mos def not one of his Favorite People and if looks could Kill I'd already be pushing up Daisies after Today.   Yes, Today was NOT a Good Day, all went well until after his Dental Appointment and until I got more Negative E-Mails from the present High School Teachers even tho' they know he's probably only got days of enrollment left and already doesn't want to even be there anymore!  *Le Sigh* 

 Yes, our Fight this day was about him cooperating these last days at this High School and doing something... anything... in the way of Work to appease the Staff, since it would make for a more Graceful Exit Stage Left and is the Right thing to do.   His response... Why try, there's no point... I get no Credits anyway and besides, most Teachers said I could just do nothing until I leave, they are pretty Happy and Relieved actually that I'll be gone soon!  Yeah, that sent me right over the edge dont'cha know, sometimes I can't handle the Truth as Jack would have said in a most maniacal way in 'A Few Good Men'!   Pray for me, I imploded and went on an epic rant since everything bottled up bubbled to the surface and I thought to myself... what am I doing and why am I doing it again?  Someone please remind me because this seems like some kind of Penance I'm Serving... in fact, I think I would have Served less Time for murder!   

And if The Genius says there's no point, well, mebbe I'm the delusional one here and there's really no point, I don't even know anymore?!  I start doubting my own points, or if I'm making any difference at all, when all of it has gone to shit no matter how much I've poured into it to make Sanity out of the Madness and try to make it Work against all odds not in that Favor.   Give him a Normal Education... well, Hell... any Education even if it's totally Abnormal, at this point Normal is abstract as Hell as a concept for this Family.   Princess T cried because her Brother and I were arguing loudly as we walked thru the door from his Dental Appointment, blindsiding everyone.  She knows he's gotten Deep Sixed from yet another School and been on the Crazy Train again and taken Gramma aboard apparently, Ay Ay Ay!  {Insert Ozzy Lyrics... all aboard... we've bought this f---ing Ticket so we're on for the whole ride!} 

 Yes, my own Sanity was unraveling quickly and I was losing it, I'd kept it together and held it down as long as I could!  It can do that when the level of Crazy escalates and gets so Epic in your Environment you lose it yourself!  The Man got super Anxious... so what's New... he doesn't Cope well anymore with anything... but he did remain Calmer than I... GOD I NEED that Meditation Room STAT!   You really will Need your Respite Day Tomorrow to attend your Event he said... ya think!!!??!??!   And yeah, BTW it may be the last one since new Transport to Charter School of Problem Child {should he be accepted} will threaten and override any and all Respite Day during the Month since it falls on a Weekday!  *Gasp!*  Yep, even the ONE day a Month I typically get and have guarded practically with my Life so I at least get ONE Recovery Day for Self so Caregiver Burnout doesn't take me out completely again!  I'm in Mourning already... I might wear Black for a while as I lay Respite Day to Eternal Rest!?

I know now why fifty shades of Grey won't do... by very definition!

Gray is a cool, neutral, and balanced color. The color gray is an emotionless, moody color that is typically associated with meanings of dull, dirty, and dingy, as well as formal, conservative, and sophisticated.

It is Emotionless... it is too Cool, almost Cold... it is Neutral and Balanced... it is dull and almost Institutional in it's ambiance... too Formal... and Conservative is not something a Moderate wants to be... so, all things that right now aren't conducive with how I want to Feel except mebbe the Balanced part.   And how could you ever have Sophisticated Madness anyway?   No... I NEED Kabuki Red to go with my Black Thank You in this Vida Loca!


Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian


  1. Oh Gosh Dawn! You try so hard! You've got to have a day for you!!! Get that red paint on fast and furious! Prayers!

    1. I know, I better Paint like Van Gogh and resist the urge to cut my ear off huh? *LOL* Anyway, after his 'Spell' he apologized to me and he is more stable now, tho' going to School these last days of it at the usual High School are difficult for him and I'd really rather not even send him but I have to to be in compliance with how many days of attendance he should have and all that. *Le Sigh* Hopeful that the Tuesday Meeting goes well at the Charter School. My Day Out was Fab and will Blog about it soon. Trying to figure out a way of Salvaging my Respite Day and mebbe just doing it later in the day after he gets out of New School... we'll see... Dawn... The Bohemian

  2. love the definition of gray---just remember is the color of padded cells...sorry that is my dark humor---leaching out. So Kabuki red it must be, hopefully all the chaos and upheaval will even out.

    I hope your young Prince is journaling. Because, when he manages to find a balance---he may be the ultimate source for other students like him on how to survive. Maybe have him to begin working on a survival guide...his style. I would be super interested to see what a creative talented mind would come up with.

    So Kabuki red, with a touch of slashing black for the moment, and hang on!


A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl