Thursday, January 12, 2017

The Scorpion Queen I Am NOT!

So... we had TOTALLY been Enjoying hanging out in the now considerably de-stashed Hoarded double car Garage Space... until Today!  When Princess T comes screaming into the room as I sat here contentedly Blogging!  Breathlessly asking me if I'd put a fake Scorpion in the Craft Paper Storage Box I was organizing on the floor beside our Harem Pillows in there?!  NO!!!  I says with great Alarm, The Scorpion Queen I am NOT and those dreadful critters terrify and repulse me!

She had been stung only 3 days after we moved into New Villa Boheme' so I would never pull a prank like that!  We've all been freaked out to discover they're a quite common Native Pest around here!   Alas, since we're in a Subdivision that a mere seven years ago was Natural Desert and is near unspoiled Desert Wilderness it is indeed their domain and we are the intruders.  We are not likely to eradicate them so we must learn to co-exist with them, but we don't like it one bit and wage The Scorpion Wars!

Yes, the experts tell you they are highly beneficial Predators of the Arachnida Kingdom actually and kill a host of other Pests.  But the majority of those other Pests can't harm or kill you and I'm allergic to a mere Bee sting so I don't wanna know what might happen if a Scorpion stings me!??!!  So, NO, I'm not doing the catch and release Method to the Wilds of your Garden that the experts tell you is a better Method than killing them.  I don't want them in my Home OR my Garden Thank You very much, I will kill them where ever they show up!  And Believe me, they are not so easy to kill, no wonder they haven't changed or had to adapt very much in like a thousand years!

In The Scorpion Wars we are mostly Winning, but every so often one of their Recon Scouts seems to come out of hiding and defy us!  So I mobilized the Troops and armed with the business end of a Swiffer Sweeper we enter the War Zone!  The Craft Paper Box is Plastic so we felt certain it couldn't escape.  They can't get a grip on Plastic or Glass so if they fall into something like that you have a better chance at Sniping them! 

 Mebbe it's already dead Princess T says? I didn't see it moving... that's why I thought mebbe it was a fake one you put in there to Scare me!?  Good Lord Child, do you think I'm that much of a Beast and so Twisted!?  But then I remembered my Rubber Cockroach prank... Okay, so don't answer that... *LOL*  We creep up, The Man trailing behind us but soon he'll be our Point Man, after all, he was a Marine Sniper for Reals so he's afraid of practically nothing that could kill him!  I'll be your Spotter I says... me with any Weapon scares him more than death actually!  *Winks*

He knew that once I started clobbering and bludgeoning that thing to death he'd have to eventually step in and stop me... I get a little carried away in Killing Mode you see!  *Smiles*  We'd have Scorpion pulp and guts all over the Craft Papers or the Persian Rug in the nice newly cleared out Space and he didn't wanna risk all that Drama and gore!   I'm going to pick the box up and take it outside he calmly says!  As if it's no big deal to have a Killing critter being taken as a Prisoner of War and transported so close to yourself any distance!  Especially since he has to pass by me to get it out the now open door of said Garage to take it outside for execution!

The Man and Princess T had both peered into that box and the damned thing hadn't budged and was playing dead trying to Fool them.  But the moment I peered at it, it began moving restlessly... clearly not liking the Look in this Human's Eye! *LOL* Yeah, tho' The Man and The Princess don't really like the Idea of executing these things and thinking it already dead might have just tossed it outside, perhaps it sensed this Human would go berserk with that Swiffer Sweeper Weapon just to make damned sure!  *Smiles* 

So he calmly dumps it out on the driveway and I go to town squashing it to a pulp!  And you have to... they almost refuse to die and I learned not to take any chances with them limping off after you think you've killed one!   Only to come back to dispose of it's carnage and not be able to find it because like some Horror Movie Villain it's skulked off and now has a Vendetta against you!  The Man eventually stops me... Honey, I think it's quite dead now... it doesn't even look like a Scorpion anymore!

Of coarse she can't wait to go inside and excitedly inform her Brother she found a Scorpion in the Garage!   And you shouldda seen Gramma killing it... and she dramatically mimes my animated Killing Spree just so he gets the full effect of how demented I must look in Killing Mode!  *LOL*  Of coarse now nobody wants to venture into said Garage anymore... 'til the Feeling of being too Creeped Out wears off again.  Every time we find a Scorpion on the inside it's like the Healing Time you need after an Accident to get back into the saddle again and not let the Fear paralyze you or change your normal routine and habits!   Dammit!

Because... not only is there still a lot of Work to be done out there in said Garage Spaces... along with the Pricing of Inventory to be taken to the Showroom since I do it mostly in there now... but the hangars for the Rusty Valentine Heart Ornaments was out there...  Dammit!   Better to face my Fear head on quickly than allow it to magnify with Time.  So I gingerly creep out there eyeballing the floor, the Persian Rugs and all my surroundings like I'm going to be ambushed by Scorpions any minute!  And they'd be pissed off coz I just brutally murderized one of their own!  No telling what dying Signals and Secret Code it had sent out and transmit to THE OTHERS!??!??!  

Okay, so don't Laugh, I actually Believe mebbe these creatures can do shit like that, who knows?   I already know I'm going to mos def have Scorpion induced Nightmares for at least a couple Nights now and be on High Alert all around the freakin' House too until I settle down and Feel Safer again!   And so will the Kiddos be skittish as Hell for a couple days or so.  Only The Man will act as if nothing has happened... guess it's all the Combat he's endured and Wars he's been in... so it doesn't phase him one iota and any evidence of Fear about death by Scorpion is not apparent in him.

At least Princess T has the knowledge she's rather immune to their stings, she had zero ill effects from being stung by one that time and just a little pain and redness.   I on the other hand would probably have anaphylactic shock or something and die if the Paramedics didn't give me some Miracle Cure in time?!  I once almost died from being stung by a swarm of Hornets when we lived in England when I was still a Teen... so I don't need any more close calls, I'm too long in the tooth now to probably bounce back!?  *LOL*

But Dammit... I'd already started taking down the Main Christmas Tree and putting on the Valentine and Winter Decorations of the Year Round Trees that would stay up... and all of the hangars were in The Garage of Death now!  And the boxes of the Trees that would be taken down and put away!  So there I was in Stalking Mode... waiting for an Ambush... my Senses were so heightened that if one of the Kiddos or The Man had come in too quietly behind me they would have gotten pummeled with the Swiffer Sweeper now already soiled with Scorpion corpse!   *Smiles*  I'd tried to delay The Mission... since it could be a Suicide Mission for all I knew.  I'd busied myself with making Inventory Tags...

But I wasn't hoisting up any White Flags in our own Home and it was bugging me to be too Afraid to go in there right away so I just did it Afraid!!!  Stealthily and Quick as a Blue Ass Fly I retrieved what I Needed and got the Hell outta there... my pulse racing as if I'd just run a freakin' Marathon!   Yes, eventually I'll be able to go in there again unafraid, but it might take a Minute.  Right now, we're avoiding it like the Plague the Kiddos and I... 'til the Memory of finding a Scorpion in there diminishes and isn't so Raw and Fresh.

Now when I Open anything I'm going to be On Guard... just in case... and I Hate that but it is what it is when you Live in any Natural Environment that has Predatory creatures trying to co-exist side by side with you.   They do have a Right to Live and be where Nature intended... I won't deny that Fact.  They Serve a Divine Purpose in Nature by their very Creation to be a part of the Master Plan.  But Today I sent one to Scorpion Heaven... because I have my boundaries of co-existing too closely with anything that might kill me first and it crossed that line in the Sand that I've drawn!  *Winks* 

Now our Dear Miss Priss stands Vigil in the Garden and often in here at Night when they're most active, these mostly nocturnal Predatory creatures.  Cats and Scorpions seem to be mortal Enemies and she's been a Working Cat all her Life. So tho' she's in semi-retirement compared to Working and Patrolling a Historic Homestead's much larger Acreage in the Hood... out here she still is Employed by Yours Truly to Work her Grind in keeping Pests and Vermin at bay around New Villa Boheme'!  *Smiles*  {Photos not Staged they fall asleep like that!} 

No, I don't make her do it but she Naturally and Instinctively Delights in doing it... the demise of any critter infringing upon her Territory!  On her Watch they will be eliminated in short order, so she's been invaluable around here to keep them mostly from not living long enough to get inside that often.  That gives me some Peace of Mind... so that I don't have to go on a Swiffer Sweeper Rampage of Killing all that often like some deranged Maniacal Scorpion Hunter!

And sometimes they Pretend they're Camping Out, here in the Living Room Glamping, Tent and all set up.  Coz Lord knows I'm not letting them do that outside in the back yard where The Scorpion Kings Rule and I'd never Sleep Wondering if she'd be Safe even with Miss Priss at her side standing Guard!?!   Well... not exactly standing Guard, in fact, Miss Priss has gotten a bit slack, fat and sassy in her semi-retirement actually and cuddling with her Human makes it hard to stay in Sentry Mode!  *LOL* 

WHAT?!??!!  You expect me to sit up all Night scouring the horizons for Scorpions?!??!   F--- it!!!   I swear if a Cat could roll her eyes when I ask her if she's going to stay alert and awake, standing Guard over her Princess for me, she would roll them!  *Winks*  Instead I get The Look... if you've ever had a Cat you know what I'm talking about, that disdainful and indifferent contemptuous Look of PLEEEEEEASE... surely you Jest!  *Winks*

So... that is Today's Drama and the Valentine's Day Tree is now Decorated after The Pre-Valentine's Day Scorpion Massacre.  And the Girls {Princess T and Miss Priss} are laid out in the Tent in the Living Room for another Night of Glamping together.   And the stain on the driveway is barely visible and Scorpion Carcass has been disposed of by The Man so I couldn't even Photograph the Carnage for you to Share here in the Land of Blog so you could see what a highly effective Killer I can be!  *Winks*


And what Near Death Experiences have you had Today my Friends? *Winks* ... Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian


  1. Scorpions!?!? Yikes! You are braver than I. Living on the Lake, spiders are the enemy, but we allow some of them to go, because they're beneficial. And most of them don't bite (at least they leave ME alone). . .but Scorpions? Glad we don't have to deal with those. I love your description of how you killed it.

    1. We have the Black Widows and Wolf Spiders here as well, but mostly they stay outside... I imported some harmless Daddy Longlegs and let them live on the porch, mortal enemies to the Black Widow and believe it or not more poisonous but not harmful to humans since their little mouths aren't big enough. *whew* Dawn... The Bohemian

  2. Crikey....we are so lucky here in the UK. One poisonous snake which avoids human contact at all costs. I am looking forwards to having a nose around your blog....lovely photos!

    1. Thanks for coming for a Bloggy Visit Aril and Happy New Year to you from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian


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