Saturday, January 14, 2017

Selective Amnesia



Have you ever developed Selective Amnesia my Friends?  I do, more often than I realize until my Memory is jogged.  Usually in the form of my Archived Posts here in the Land of Blog, which has been rather like a Life Journal preserved.  And the Thumbnail Archived Posts at the end of each entry that seem to link to whatever Current Post I'm Writing for a particular Season, do on occasion, Tempt me to Look Back and re-read how things WERE.




I had Forgotten just how many Valentine's Days for example we'd had a particularly rough time with Health Crisis and Hospitalizations in recent years.  And it's particularly poignant to read my own Words at the time, the pouring out of the Heart as you move thru any Crisis or the Issues of Life.  The numerous Valentine's Days that couldn't and wouldn't be Romantic at all because you were just Dealing with heavy stuff.




I see the Orchid I bought her on the windowsill of Mom's Apartment in an Old Valentine's Day Post.  It would be the last Valentine's Day she would spend living independently and just prior to having to be moved to Cali to be closer to my Brother.  Now she'll be spending her first Valentine's Day in Heaven... as will The Man's Mom as well... heavy stuff to contemplate.  Valentine's Day for me anyway hasn't ever been about what I'm indulged with by Loved Ones, but in what I could Surprise my Loved Ones with in the way of Love Gifts to express my Love on this most Heartfelt of Holidays.




Though to be sure I do Cherish those Valentine's Day expressions of Love Gifts I've received, no matter how modest... because it comes deeply from the Heart to present it.   Mom kept her Orchid alive far longer than I ever have been able to and Orchids for her were a poignant Memory of her Wedding, when my Dad Imported some from Africa for her to carry with her Welsh Bible as the Bouquet.  And had her Wedding Dress made in Paris... even tho' he was a mere Airman First Class and had to Save for over two years to Fund the entire Dream Wedding for his Beloved.




Back in those days you couldn't just go to your local Florist and pick up Exotic Plants from all over the World inexpensively.  And Importing them was a Big Deal and a quite Sacrificial Love Gift.  Dad had Passed many years before that particular Valentine's Day and I could tell she was reminiscing a lot, especially about him.   Dad, being of Native American decent, was one of the most Stoic fellows you could ever meet and yet one of the most Loving and Giving.  He was very Romantic with his Love Gifts and would make Great Sacrifices to Surprise you with them.  He went to Great lengths for those Impressive Love Gifts you'd never, ever Forget receiving!




I knew Mom had to be Missing that expression of Sacrificial Love, I mean how could you NOT, right?  I have many poignant Memories of the Love Gifts Dad presented my Mom with over the many years they were Married... and oddly, even after their Marriage ended after over Thirty years and they Divorced.  No, they didn't remain Friends, but the mutual Love they had for one another was always apparent, especially at the end of each of their Lives.  Sometimes Life gets in the way of Love and gets so messy that it derails Relationships.




I mean really, very few of us get thru Life without some Relationships ending, or getting messy... even if they were once Wonderful... and ending for a variety of reasons why, if we even know why?!?  But there are times we have to Confess that our Love for that Friend or Family Member never really got completely extinguished by what got messy in the Life Journey and caused a distancing... an estrangement... or even an end relationally with that person(s). 




  And even some Current Relationships can get taken for granted, stagnant or stale due to Life in general, because our Investment in them has just too many distractions or Issues of Life assaulting it.  The onslaught can in fact be brutal and with casualties or collateral damage.  You really DO have to continuously intentionally Invest in Relationships and Nurture them for them to thrive and survive... or they can wither, dry up and just die from Neglect like any other Living thing.  I Believe you see that Love has a Heartbeat and is a Living thing in it's own way.  And it can be an Eternal one that even Death cannot separate if on this side of Time and Eternity we've kept it Strong, Vibrant and very much Alive because we had so much Investment.




No, The Man won't bring me Flowers like he used to...  this Valentine's Day, he's quite Sick again and his Health has deteriorated once more during the Winter Season, as it has for years now.   It will be Surprising if we manage to keep him out of Hospital for Valentine's Day, but it won't be the first Valentine's Day spent bedside at a Hospital either.  My Selective Amnesia now prompted by the Facts, I realize we've rolled down this bumpy Road of Life unfolding before during the most Romantic of Holidays and other occasions and it doesn't diminish our Love one iota.  I do worry about him tho' and every time it Scares me since I couldn't Imagine Life without him!!!




For us anyway Adversity has Strengthened our Relationship and Appreciation for one another.  I know that is not always the case for Couples tho', unfortunately nothing sorts people out quite like Trouble and many cannot or will not hang during the Tough Times and will bail and jump Ship abandoning Loved Ones or Friends.  I won't stand in Judgment about any of that, everyone has their unique Character and set of Priorities about what they can or will Deal with and what they will not or cannot for their own reasons.  




 But for me, if Love has to be Conditional, then it's not the depth of Love nor Relationship I Care to hang onto with that person.  If someone can leave you, perhaps its best they just do and you let them go.  Whether any Love remains or not on either side.   I've had those kinds of Relationships too over a Lifetime, haven't you?  Yes, we all probably have and you cannot dwell upon those that have been Lost over Time on this side of Time and Eternity.  It's harder for me when the Beloved are Lost as they Cross Over, because the Love and the Relationship was usually intact and often Unconditional and thus Priceless and irreplaceable!   Some people can be replaced you know... others never can.




But do you know that the Human Heart has no capacity for how many or how much you CAN Love on this Journey of Life?  It's True, your Heart has unlimited capacity to Love and it can be spread far and wide among many or just a few... your Choice.   I've always been of the ilk to spread my Love freely, tho' to be sure I have those I've Loved more strongly than others and it's not always because some were perhaps better or more lovely and easier to Love.  You probably aren't supposed to have Favorites you bond better with or more closely to, but we all know we do.




Love isn't a competition, but there are varying degrees of it with different Individuals and even our Fur Babies.   Show of hands to those that have had Beloved Pets for example, and I personally have had MANY... weren't there some that the Relationship between you was just stronger and more intense?  Their Personality and what you Shared between you was just more Intimate perhaps, more Special in it's OOAK way that just made it harder and much more intense when they Crossed Over?   I was going to include Images of some to me, but I'm too Emotionally Raw already Writing this Post, tho' I didn't Intend to be!


Via: Tokyo Fashion.com

 And so it can be and often is with People in our Lives too... it's not such an uncommon occurrence in fact.   The depth of our Love for anything or anyone can just have varying degrees and that's Okay.  There's no Love Mandate, it is what it is for it's Mysterious reasons.   I don't even try to Personalize it anymore when someone's Love for me doesn't have a depth I thought it had, coullda had, shoullda had, etcetera so on and so forth.   Love cannot be forced and the degree in which it Exists between you and someone else can even Evolve over Time and fluctuate in Positive ways or Negative ways because it is indeed a CHOICE to Love.




The Human Condition craves it tho'... everyone wants to be Loved, even if they Pretend that they don't or won't admit it openly.   So if you DO Love someone or something EXPRESS it Openly so that it be known.   But what about Secret Loves you might ask, or allegedly Forbidden ones?   Well, I'll leave that up to your individual discretion how bold or Secretive you want to be about that... it happens... Life happens... shit happens... what can I say?  *Smiles*  Sometimes you just have to do whatever you Feel is Right... for you... or for others... that decision is entirely Personal and Private really.




And what will I be doing this Valentine's Day?  Well, I don't freakin' even know and I'm not going to dwell upon it too much or make Plans, I'll let it roll out as it will Spontaneously.  *LOL*   I prefer Living in the Moment and rather Spontaneously anyway, works better for me I've found and doesn't set me up for so much disappointment or unrealistic expectations.   If The Man is Well enough we'll do something Romantic and Spontaneous, how's that?  And if not... well, we'll just ditch the Romance part of it and make it Special some other kinda Inventive and Creative way on The Fly.




I've got Selective Amnesia anyway, so I probably won't always remember either way it Plays Out!?!   *Winks*   Well... unless of coarse I go for that Walk down Memory Lane here in my Blog Archives and revisit Valentine Day Past.   And sometimes Remembering is Good  and Sweet and sometimes Forgetting is Better because it would be Bittersweet or even Sour... depends upon the Circumstances, right?   *Winks*




And as Forrest Gump so aptly said,  "Mama always said life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."   



*******

Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

4 comments:

  1. So Right! Want to see a vintage homemade candy heart box you've made.

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  2. Yep-Valentine's Day is not always an excursion of love and happiness. Good post.

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  3. Yes, I know what you are saying. Valentine's Day will always be an occasion that makes me think of my parents, and the love they felt for one another and for us four children. My Father ALWAYS remembered us on that day and gave each of his girls a heart shaped box of chocolates. Even when I was a teenager and didn't have a boyfriend, I had my Dad! They have both been gone so many years, but my memories of that special love is strong. Your pictures are so cool, Dawn. I just love visiting here. And, I love reading your musings on all subjects. You're a strong woman, and I hope and pray that your Man will be well enough for this Valentine's Day!

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  4. I just want you to know---I almost ALWAYS read every word of your blog. I love this post---about LOVE. In these times we don't dwell enough on LOVE. Love in all its shapes sizes flavors---Keep writing, and blessings to the Man...and hope his health gets sorted out, Sandi

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A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

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