Sunday, October 2, 2016

Girl's Day Out Great Escape ~ Part I ~ Rust & Roses



It was going to be a long Weekend since The G-Kid Force didn't have School on Friday, so we didn't want to totally waste it even tho' I'm still recuperating from the Surgery.  The Young Prince had an Honor Guard Practice 'til late into the Night and so it was kinda like a Jailbreak for Princess T and I to get sprung from being cooped up in here and head into the City for a Girl's Day Out Escape.  No Guys allowed, which was easy since The Man was deeply engrossed in his Shows on TV and The Young Prince had been dropped off early for his Honor Guard Practice.  Princess T wanted a Great Escape from the new neighborhood, she's been miserable here Socially... as have we all.



So, she was actually very good for the entire day out and thoughtful about me having to take it easy... so we had Fun and really Enjoyed the Quality time together.  No prepubescent Mood Swings, Meltdowns or Drama... I could hang out with her easily when she's better able to regulate her Moods like this.  *LOL*   Of coarse, with an eleven year old Girl that is always subject to change without notice!  So it's a lot like playing Russian Roulette to Plan 'Together' time with her nowadays, very Risky!!!   *Winks*   It can either go very well or be a really bad idea to play the odds she'll have a good day without incident!?  She's going thru a lot of prepubescent turmoil right now... tough stuff!   And when they need to Vent they tend to do it in the direction of what or who they know to be a Safe place of Unconditional Love.   ie: I'm usually "it"... or Grandpa!




It was probably helpful, in bonding us tighter and making me her new BFF to do things together with in Harmony, that the new neighborhood Girls haven't been very kind, nice or inclusive with her anymore and refuse to let her play with them even when she wants to.  No explanation given, so she's thoroughly confused and it grieves me to see her shunned with no actual valid reasoning behind it.  Young Girls are very fragile Emotionally and self-esteem is easily shaken or damaged, especially by peers.   Young Girls being cliquish can be the WORST and so right now she's Hating our new neighborhood and Wishes we still lived at the Old House where she had good, solid, loyal Friends.  They had their little tiffs off and on, but nothing that extended beyond a very brief time before they were making up and Cherishing each other again. 




She said something in innocence the other day that I truly Hope is not a primary reason for her exclusion, but you never know?  Biases can be subtle and very insidious indeed sometimes.  I had been asking her why she hadn't been playing anymore with the various Girls who live close enough to us that she had initiated Friendships when we first moved in?   Had they had any disagreement... No they hadn't... she just told me they refuse to play with her now and won't tell her exactly why so she's tired of Reaching Out and being rejected.  She really doesn't even want to be around them anymore.   I'm Glad about that attitude she has adopted, I feel you should go only where you are Celebrated and not merely Tolerated.   I asked if she had any Good Friends from School who might live close enough for Play Dates and invitations to our Home and she agreed there was only one a few streets over... a Friend who was "just like her"...




I didn't understand and was puzzled, so I asked her to elaborate "just like her"?   I mean that can cover a lot of ground so I wanted some clarity to what she meant by that statement... did they enjoy the same things... etcetera?   I wasn't expecting her response when she very matter-of-factly says, "You know, she's Mexican... like me.  And if you invite her over for a Play Date you might not be able to talk to her Mom because she only speaks Spanish, like most of my Friends from the Old Neighborhood.  But I think her Mom would actually let her come into our house to play, not like these other Girl's Parents who say they're not allowed and that I'm not allowed to come in to play with them either."   I Confess that it was very difficult for me to maintain composure and act non-chalant with a casual response.  And just focus on the Positive that she was far less bothered about being defined by her Ethnicity, which she is Proud of her blended Heritage, as she should be.




It is always a Challenge to respond appropriately to situations which can arise that relate exclusively to things you cannot Change... you cannot Change your Race, Ethnicity, your Disability if you have one, nor the reactions of others to it.  I was going to add Gender but that's rather fluid nowadays and the LGBT Community also deals with much bias and subtle or blatant discrimination or outright hatred, which is tragic.  If you have a Gay or Trans Loved one you know the huge Challenges of acceptance and tolerance.  If you've ever encountered Racism it is never Pretty.  Granted, if you have lived long enough you've probably experienced it before, and if you haven't, you will, just keep on living... but it still always Grieves the Heart that it is still alive and well, even after all this time.   That the Human Race can't just see itself as just that... united by their Humanity and One Race... Human.  How much more Harmonious the World could be if things such as Gender, Race, Ethnicity, Age, Socioeconomics and the like were indeed a non-issue and not so divisive.  




We didn't have a big dialogue about the Social Situation, I knew it had been tense for Months and likely leading to her overall Misery and Moodiness... but I had naively just chalked it up to Pre-Teen Angst... which in part it could be.  Her take was, "Well, you're Nice and you don't have any Friends around here either Gramma, so lets just go to the Old House and into the City to see some of our REAL Friends and have Fun!"   Well, you don't have to threaten me with a Good Time, I was all over that in a heartbeat, gimping in my clumsy Boot and all!  *Smiles*   But on the back of my Mind I'm thinking, have I royally screwed up and moved my Family to a Pretentious and/or Prejudiced Community... I'm just not Sure??!??!   How can you ever really be Sure, after all?   But I refuse to dwell on it, tho' I realize in recent Months ALL of The G-Kid Forces Friends live from outside of our Community... a fair distance outside actually... and it's disconcerting since their Happiness and Acceptance is paramount to me.




It bothers me that since she's much younger and can't yet just be dropped off in outside Communities like her Older Brother to visit Friends, she's mostly just hanging out with me... an eleven year old's BFF should not HAVE to be her Gramma.   She's always been a very popular Child and she's not used to be excluded or shunned so I don't know how she will Deal with that long term?  Her Brother in his sixteen years has dealt with enough Racism, Homophobia, and bias against the Mentally Ill that his Encouragement to her was just to say that as you get older it gets better because you just don't Care so much anymore about what other people think and you know that's THEIR Issue, not yours.  "Just keep doing YOU..." was his best Advice to his little Sister about the Social Situation being so bleak around here.  When you're Older you can just go to where your Friends are and they can come to you.




We're used to having a house full of Kiddos and this long Weekend will be no exception since one of The Young Prince's BFF's is coming from the Old Neighborhood to spend the Weekend with us again and she's a Delightful 18 year old that Princess T just Adores.   I'd rather set up Play Dates and Sleepovers with those they get along with so well and have a healthy relationship with, even if we have to Import them {Smiles}... than to engage with those Families who live close by and display whatever bias they carry or complete indifference of being neighborly.   Anytime I'm checking on the Old House a Neighbor will always walk over and we Socialize and catch up... I do miss that a lot... and they miss us... that sense of Community and Investment in the relationship with one's Neighbors being Positive and enriching.  It makes me wrestle with wanting to move back actually, in spite of the particular Challenges of living in the Hood in an aging Historic Home needing tons of Work!




Don't even Think about it The Man says, remember why we moved... it was too much Work for you alone to Maintain... the Restoration and deferred Maintenance were costly and never ending... Crime had increased and the School ratings had declined... True that.   And you can have as many Great Escapes into the City as you all NEED he says.  But then I'm thinking to myself... but why would I ever Bond with a Home or Community that I Feel I even Need to Escape from?  That is the burning Question for which I'm not quite Sure yet I have the Answers to.   It's starting to Feel like a very Pretty Solitary Confinement of sorts... and I Wish it didn't... and I'm trying to adjust and feel settled in and Grateful for the Positives of Subdivision Hell living.  Since in spite of having an Idyllic Home, we're finding it difficult to Feel Happy, Content or Accepted here. *Le Sigh*




*******

Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

4 comments:

  1. Hi Dawn, sorry I haven't left a comment for a while, but I've just returned home after 7 weeks in hospital. Anyway to the point, maybe Princess T's social problems have nothing to do with racism. You say the girls' mothers won't allow their kids to visit her at your house. Is it possible that they just don't 'get' your style of décor? Some of the uber conventional neighbours might not understand that the skellies and taxidermy are fun and just your personal taste. In fact, might it be that some find them somewhat sinister?. This is just a thought, and I might be way off the real reason. But maybe it's something to think about. I love your style and to a certain extent my home is decorated in a similar way, but some of my family and neighbours find it very strange. (and think that I'm a bit strange too) I hope you won't be upset with me suggesting this, I truly want to help. Blessings my friend

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    1. First let me say I'm so sorry you were not well and spent so much time in Hospital, I do Hope you are feeling much better now my Friend? And no, your suggestion very much hits the mark I'm sure *winks* since there are many uber conventional and fundamental Religious neighbors around here that it probably does make nervous to have Addams Family Types in their midst. *Bwahahahahaha* I just do me and so do my Grandkids so we aren't inclined to be conformists and you could be right. I would actually it rather be that than racism, I really would... not understanding or approving of one's aesthetic and style isn't as 'sinister' as racism in MY books. That's what is REALLY sinister, Hate dressed up in any form is the devil's work. I'm so glad you weighed in on this since it has been troubling me and I'm still second guessing my decision to move here as being best for all of us? I suppose as well the Children and I are Homesick for our Beloved Old Home and a Community we had strongly bonded with... detaching is always difficult when you Loved a place and put down deep roots there. Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

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  2. Dear Dawn....ALL OF US need to be our authentic selves. I did not find this out util very late in life as I tried to be what everyone wanted me to be. Now, at 70th, I don't give a rat's as..... about what others think...(pardon the poor language). I'm just being me and will be until the day they put me in a box.....Good for you telling your beautiful granddaughter the same thing.

    xo

    Jo


    ''m

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    1. Jo I am always grieved when anyone is timid about just being their glorious authentic self for fear of social pressures to conform. My fav TV Ministry this Sunday reminded us that if you DON'T want to make waves or have 'Haters' then just do as they do, talk as they talk, live as they live... but if you want to enter into your Destiny and truly succeed in being all God intended for you to be, dare to be different and fulfill your Purpose. So True, I wonder how many have stifled their Purpose and Destinies by allowing everyone else to define who they are and how they should BE? Being different is never easy and success always meets with some measure of controversy and difficulties, but the price is ever so worth it! Thanks for weighing in my Friend... Dawn... The Bohemian

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A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

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