Thursday, October 6, 2016

After The Wallowing... Let Your Light Shine!



Okay, so after two days of intense Wallowing, and Friends did I ever Wallow... big Epic Wallowing!  I could have won an Oscar for Wallow of the Century!  Dark, Broody, being Unlovely and staying in bed in a darkened Boudoir being very Dramatic type of Wallowing!  Resplendent with Negative extreme Thoughts about refusing to Bloom where I'm Planted dammit!   Raging against all that I abhor about my current Environment!  But... I kept getting unexpected Positive reinforcement interrupting phone calls from Dear Friends right at the height of each day's Wallow... no mere coincidence I'm sure.  They had me laughing in spite of myself, hysterically!  Luckily some of my Posse are as twisted about Humor as Yours Truly and only we can hit each other with the Dark Jokes during a Dark Time and make severe Depression seem absolutely hysterical!  *Bwahahahaha!*




Though they were more diplomatic and kind, it was a Get Your Ass Out of Bed in the middle of the Afternoon sort of Motivator I desperately Needed.  Friends tell each other what they Need to hear, not necessarily what they Want to hear.  The Family was at a loss as to what to tell me since I was not myself and Dark Dawn was rather One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest angry... and that was unsettling to them, nobody wanted to confront THAT person!   It's no Secret I'm struggling with all the Changes and adaptations, no matter how Positive they appear on the surface, Life is never Perfect even under Ideal Conditions.  Conditions weren't anywhere's near Ideal, so it hit me all wrong.  And I Confess I am not always so Good at Acceptance of things I don't like or am not in Agreement with or radical Change that has Negative intonations... I'm a Rebel like that, I resist with everything I have in me.  My Authentic Self will not Conform and never has, which has often left me as an Outsider.  I'm an Outsider Decorator and Artist, I was even very Unconventional in my Corporate Lives and yet still managed great Success in a Structured Corporate World... so it's possible, I know this.  So I had to just decide, after a Good Wallow first, to let my Light Shine and grow, even Bloom, where I'm Planted right now.




It's not SO Bad... it's not the worst thing I've ever had to confront or Deal with even... by far, so why is it throwing me off my Game so effectively I had to Wonder?   What was it about this burb environment's detachment and conformity that just pushed all my buttons and made me just want to turn around and Exit Stage Left and abandon everything?   Usually I'm tenacious and relentless about not being run off anywhere and stand my ground... I just didn't even want to though and that felt kinda Strange to me, Why?   I realize I don't Belong here, I really do... the Kids do too... this is not a place of Belonging to us and that's as evident as the noses on our faces... we don't even want to Belong here really now.   But for now bailing its just not an option and The Man Loves it here, he really does, he thinks this could be our Forever Home.  Wow, Forever is a mighty long time tho', I think that is what threw me into a tail spin Panic, THIS... FOREVER!?!??!?!??!  Yikes!!!   Scary stuff to me actually, I felt like a Caged Wild Animal needing to break Free and Escape the Zoo or being God forbid 'Domesticated'! *LOL*




He assured me I could never be Tamed or Domesticated, it's just not possible... he's probably right... he should know he's tried and Failed... winks.  And that even a Free Spirit can live amongst the HOA dictated conformity of Subdivision Hell... really, you CAN, just ride it out a bit Dawn.  I got that advice from some other reliable sources I Trust completely and they're probably right too.  I'm being very Premature in my assessments I'm sure... and I am Loving this Home's Architecture, my Stuff does look mighty Nice in here... Luxury Home Living could rub off on me in due time.  It might even make me quit longing for another Historic Home as the Forever One... Okay, so that's an exaggerated stretch and will never actually happen... but you know... just sayin', I could compromise and settle for Luxury Home Living, it ain't so awful, right?  *Winks*   Yes, only I could probably be more Content in what others would see as an uninhabitable crumbling Historic ruin of a Home that would terrify them than Luxury Home Living.  Are you Insane Woman?  Yes, I probably am, certifiably when it comes to Saving or living in Old Homes and WANTING one desperately!




Though at this Season of Life I also fully now realize and have Accepted that our days of Saving structures and doing all the sweat equity are probably over.  If I do flip this joint eventually and cash out on the Equity I know it will build up quickly enough, since this kind of Living does Appeal to the masses, then I would certainly have to buy a Historic Home already completely Restored.  A Home where someone else already did all the Sweat Equity Work on our behalf and we Enjoy the fruits of their Labor.  I'd be Okay with that actually, though it means Ponying Up since that don't come Cheap, nor should it.  But that's Okay too, don't mind dying owing the VA a lot of Money on whatever Home we end up not paying off... I'm Good with that too.  Payback actually for all the screwing over The Man has received after a Lifetime of Honorable Service.  A VA Loan is still one of the few Earned Benefits the GI's and Vets have left actually that hasn't been compromised by current Administrations not Honoring their part of the Contractual Agreements of the Past.




But that's not my Rant or Rage right now... and I'm completely Raged out actually on having my temporary Tantrum about New Villa Boheme' not being what I had Hoped and thought when I Invested in it.  Well, the structure is... but the Community, not at all.   But could I just adjust and not give a rat's ass about my Community and still live Happily ever after I Wondered... perhaps I can.   I can be Nice to all of them without getting close to any of them... and though disappointing, the Kids and I have come to terms with that probably being what's Best and Socializing outside of this immediate Community exclusively if we have to.   The Young Prince already has, he leaves our Community regularly to Socialize with other Communities where he is Celebrated and not merely Tolerated.  He will one day move to one he says, likely in the City since he's a City Boy as much as I'm a City Gal!   I will gladly Help him with that Process when the day comes... I will probably visit often... mebbe even move in temporarily, who knows?   Please... take me with you!!!  *Ha ha ha!*




He worries about me the most when he can see I'm depressed since he suffers from daily diagnosed Clinical Depression and therefore has a point of reference to how awful it is when one is severely depressed.   I'm typically not a depressed person so he's worried I could be turning into one here... and therefore has tried to offer as much Help to Deal with it as he can, from his own Experience.   So he helped me Decorate, knowing that's my Element, Creating or Decorating brings me back to Life even if I'm having a Lazarus Moment.  We hung some Gypsy Cigar Advertising Art... which I've had a while and never hung up because originally I was going to re-frame it all with Antique Frames.  But the current frames actually lend themselves well with this Home, so up they went... and up the Ladder of Death he went as his Grandpa and I advised him on placement.  Yes, it was a Team Effort, how many of our Family does it take to hang a Trio of Art... a Trio of us in this case!  Ta-Da!!!  *LOL*




The walls are so tall here though that all Art is about halfway up the walls... we'd need Giants on stilts to reach any higher.  But I figure if they were all hung higher everyone would have to crane their necks and look up, which isn't Gallery type Placement, so whatever.   This little corner is now complete.  It wasn't my initial Vision, since Antique storage Cabinet initially was bought with the Art Studio Loft in Mind.  But was too heavy to schlep upstairs... even with all the numerous drawers removed, which individually are like little boat anchors themselves...  and really all too heavy to move except right around the corner from the Garage it was stored in!  Which is that door to the side of it... yeah, that's how far it got inside the house, mere inches, mebbe two actual inches... and I was Okay with that.  See, I'm very Adaptable that way when it comes to Decorating.  Especially with the Heavy Stuff... how far can we drag and pull it... this far?  Okay, that's fine, that's where it goes then!  That shit's Blooming where it's Planted now too, see?  *LOL*




I Love this Gypsy Cigar Advertising Art... bought the trio from my Friends Myko and Brett who always Sourced the Best Stuff!   See, when I find Killer Stuff like this I find it harder to Let Go of it, I really do, I have to get more Business-like about that though... HAVE TO... more Stuff has to GO out of Villa Boheme', lots more Killer Stuff!   I don't want New Villa Boheme' cluttered up... and besides, if I flip this joint I will likely end up buying a much smaller Historic Cottage in the City and I ain't dragging all this with me... just Curated sums of it!  *Ha ha ha*  I have to keep the long range Goals in Mind you see, so the Great Edit and Purge continues unabated.  I may even have to become a Minimalist if my Forever Home is really small due to budget considerations with the Real Estate Market being such that it is... fluctuating wildly.  You just never know and I want to be ready and prepared accordingly.




I'm beginning to view my Stuff with that old saying in Mind... if the house were on fire what would you grab and couldn't Live without on your way out?  That settles a lot of waffling sometimes when I'm wading thru what's still packed or hasn't yet found a place to be since we moved in.  Or is hoarded up in those Garages, I can't even begin to tell you how badly I want all that waded thru and disposed of mostly!  Yeah, I like you, might even still think you're way Cool... but ya gotta go... Fire Sale gotta go!  *Winks*  But not this trio of Art, these are Keepers... so hands off, don't even think about it... it would have to be that Crazy Offer the 'American Pickers' always tell those not yet willing to part with something... what number would it take to fall out of Love with it, what is your I don't wanna Sell it price?  I'm fickle with Love of Stuff that way, just about anything has a Price... just about... some things it would be in the Stratosphere just coz I REALLY don't wanna Sell it, but hey, if you hit that Magic Number... we might have to break up, me and whatever it is?  *Winks*




And so it goes, I'm done with the intensive Wallowing for now... had to be... crap I can't get anything Done lying in bed in the dark sleeping days away, ya know?  *LOL*  You would even think I would feel rested more after two days of so much sleep, but Emotional tiredness apparently knows no bounds and I can't say being comatose for two days helped really... oh well.  As Jack would say in 'The Shining'... I'm baaaaaack... *Smiles*

*******

Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

4 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Thank You Rhonda, I was pleased with how my little corner turned out. I'm patiently just doing small projects at a time. Dawn... The Bohemian

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  2. It's good to hear you're feeling better, there's a lot to be gained from a good wallow sometimes. I've always been skeptical about that "bloom where you're planted" line. It's undoubtedly meant to be encouraging but it's always irritated me. The flowers in my garden wander all over the place, they stay where they're put for awhile but the next year they come up fifty feet away and in all sorts of odd spots!
    Fabulous advertising art by the way, definitely keepers!
    Keep up the good fight. Cheers, Sarah

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    Replies
    1. I too have a totally rebellious Garden but I actually enjoy seeing where Nature will Surprise me... I think the Birds help a lot by depositing seed from unexpected sources, I've had some lovely Native Wildflowers show up that way. Dawn... The Bohemian

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A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl