Friday, July 31, 2015

A Very Emotional Day



Today was a very Emotional Day, perhaps it just needed to be since I'd kept it together Yesterday during the Burial of Old Morris and the continued clearing out of my Beloved Art Studio Cottage, in almost a Robotic State of Being.  I'm not prone to crying you see... or being unduly Emotional... I didn't grow up that way... my Dad was Old School Native American about being Stoic and not shedding tears, just holding your Mud... so we just didn't and I still don't very often.




But this Morning when I arrived in the Art Studio Cottage to clear out even more I felt quite overwhelmed with intense Emotion... and I cried as I looked around at all the Architectural Features and Atmosphere about it that I'll Miss so very much.   It is a Magical Space and that small Old Carriage House converted into a Cottage has always been my Favorite Space on the entire Property.   I Wish I could just Magically Transport it... though I have no-where to put it... but I'd buy some land nearby the New Home to set it upon if that were even remotely possible... but it is not, that is just Daydreaming of Impossible Possibilities.





Since the Mortgage is a pittance because the property is almost paid off I have also flirted with the Idea of just keeping it and Storing things there that will be for Sale.   But I know that the Equity is needed for other things to make Life easier and Financial Strains lighter... and certainly I don't need to be Maintaining two Properties and trying to keep that one from being laid to waste, neglect or vandalism, it would defeat the point of why we Moved in the first place.    So I know that I won't, but for various reasons I Wish I could and Want to in my Heart of Hearts.   The Connection to it is strong and I'll always Miss so much about it... even tho' I know it was Time to move on to bigger and better things that The Lord had waiting for us.





I am Grateful for the bigger and better things that awaited us, I really am, but it isn't always just so easy to go to the next level, even if chock filled with Blessings and Feel Good Moments.   The New Home offers so much MORE and it still Feels so much like a Dream that I sometimes have to pinch myself when I'm here Experiencing it and knowing it's Ours!    It already has made Life so much easier and more convenient and Peaceful on so many levels.  The Tranquility here cannot be matched and everything is in Order with no looming Projects that are awaiting completion to make it more habitable.   All the Labor and Expense was already done by someone else who lived here previously... and we're reaping the benefits... can't say I've ever had that Luxury before in any Property I've Owned.




It is so Nice not to live in substandard conditions and have plenty of room to properly Showcase what we have and yet still have plenty of room left over!   It's so nice to wake up in the Morning and walk outside and see that Million Dollar View of the Mountains to the West of us... and a Street lined with Luxury Custom Homes well Maintained with Pride of Ownership and inhabited by Friendly Neighborly folks who Share similar Values and preferred Lifestyle to our own.   Each Evening everyone is outside... talking, walking, playing, taking their dogs for a walk, cycling or Gardening... it's how I remember Neighborhoods being Back In The Day.




Since we are so far out in a Rural Pristine Desert Setting on the fringe of the City it just Feels more like a Small Town Atmosphere and I like that.  You're close to everything you need, about a ten minute drive, but not too close.   It's how the Town used to Feel where the Old Property is, before everything Changed... and not always in a Good way as Urban Sprawl brought loads of Troubles with it and the Small Town Atmosphere evaporated like Scotch Mist.   I will Miss being walking distance to so many Services, Restaurants, Churches and Shops like Olde Town in my Old Neighborhood was.   But there is more that I definitely won't Miss and that is Key.




I already like NOT hearing and enduring loud raucous music and parties into the wee hours of the Morning by inconsiderate neighbors who are renting and tearing everything up around them since they have no ties to the Community they are transiently living in.   I don't miss hearing Sirens and Gunshots because you're in the City and that's just how it is now... with way too much violence and disrespect for Law or Order.    I don't miss the Criminal Element being so close that you're always having to keep a close eye on your property and possessions because they find it easier to rob you than to work for what they want or need.   I don't miss the Street People roaming around, often high as a kite because the Tweakers and Crackheads have invaded the Older Neighborhoods with a vengeance now... looking for what they can boost for their next 'fix'.




I want to raise our Family around what I remember as a Child growing up... a sense of Community and a Safer Environment for them to Grow Up and Play.   The Common Areas here are so Lovely and there are loads of them, going to the Parks isn't taking a Risk... it isn't Sharing with a gazillion other people so that you don't know if you'll find a place to Park or even Sit to watch her Play.  Or to have that moment of panic if she's out of your line of sight for even a second.   There are no 'Characters' to have to Deal with in the Parks Owned by the Subdivision, so I can Peacefully read a book or relax without being confronted or accosted while taking my Grandchild out for Fresh Air and to Play with other Children once the Heat of the day has subsided.  I don't have to watch any Drug Deals going down brazenly in the Public Areas and be on High Alert when Shady Characters show up and begin disturbing the Peace.   Yes, though I like the City, I just don't like Living in it anymore... too much to Deal with that disturbs me.




I'm getting too far along in years to want to Deal with all that anymore... I am Nostalgic for how it used to be... and HERE is like how it used to be, so it's like returning to a better time and place that I felt much more comfortable and comforting around.   It's a Shame really that all of the Lovely Historic Properties are in areas that for the most part have Decayed to a point where you just don't want to Live there anymore.   Our Historic Home was more Rural at first... so it seemed like the best of both Worlds for a Time and a Season.  But that Season is clearly over now and though I'd like to scoop the Home up and place it somewhere else so I didn't have to let go of it... I can't... and so I still shed rivers of tears sometimes when I'm having a very Emotional Day, like Today.




And with the Salty Sweat running down my face and stinging my Eyes and the Salty Tears dripping off my Face I was rather a Hot Mess as I loaded up the Jeep with another Haul of our stuff on this Hot Humid Monsoon Day.  Mostly my Art Studio Contents, which I'm anxious to get set up in the New Studio Space so I can begin Creating again.  It's a bugger hauling it all Upstairs to that Space though, boy am I getting quite the Workout and I do Believe my wide hips are actually shrinking from all the trips up and down those stairs carrying my Studio Stuff!  *Yay!*   Luckily both G-Kids are Minimalists and don't want a lot of stuff in their rooms, they Love their huge Bright mostly Minimalistic Personal Spaces, plenty of room to Imagine, Rest and Play.




So even on the most Emotional of Days it doesn't last too long before I can snap out of it and get a Grip again.  Which is a Good Thing because I don't like the after effects of a Good Cry!  *LOL*  Snotty nose, puffy eyes you can hardly see out of, that little catching of breath thing right after a bout of Hysterical Greeping where you almost cannot stop... NOT a Good Look, is it?   *Smiles*  Mostly I am still Rejoicing in between the Emotional Tearful Moments here and there.   Life is Good... and so much Better and Easier than it was...





*******

Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

4 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry about Old Morris. That's tough, even when it's expected. I'm glad he got to be buried on the old property.

    It's such a shame about the historic places being in the derelict portions of town ... it's the same here, but unfortunately they all just get torn down after having been neglected for so long. Your new location sounds idyllic, and I bet the kids are loving it. They need to be able to go out and play without supervision, and without you having to be worried about them the whole time. I'm at the age where I don't want drama anymore either. Just a nice, calm, boring life creating, thank you very much. ;)

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    1. Ha ha ha, yes, a nice, calm, boring Life Creating is the direction I am quite content with also! I really no longer need the adrenalin Rush of Drama or Danger! LOL Dawn... The Bohemian

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  2. I can understand how you feel! Bittersweet! It's good to have your cry time as well as happy time. Your release valve!

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    1. Yes, it is rather bittersweet isn't it... and perhaps why I have such a wide range of emotion about it. Dawn... The Bohemian

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A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

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