Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Riding It Out ~ Loving Beautiful Yet Tortured Souls



Right now we're riding it out... a Personal Storm... you see, if you've never lived with, Cared for or Loved a Beautiful yet Tortured Soul, it might be difficult to understand the Complexity of such Relationships and the deep Pain experienced.   Not just the deep Pain of that Precious individual, but of everyone who is touched by their deep Pain and Loves them dearly, yet is Helpless to ease it or take it away for them.   Pain comes in many forms when it comes to chronic or incurable Illnesses... and it is a daily struggle and battle for many and their Families.



We've had more than our fair share of Loved Ones afflicted by chronic and incurable Illnesses and no matter how much Experience you have with such things, it never gets easier... so you have to learn to just ride it out when things are really bad and at their worst.   You also learn to Celebrate when things are better... even if it's not all that often or even just a little bit better.  I have learned to take it all just one day at a time and try not to bottom out on the hardest of days since that does not benefit anyone... and as the Caregiver your Countenance being correct is crucial.



When someone is battling Serious Illness that has no Cure, whether it be Physical, Emotional or a combination of both... the Calmness you can muster when Reacting to the difficult days can assist them in riding it out too and bring some Comfort and Stability to the situation.  If just one of you Appears to not be falling apart it can make it at least Feel like you're Dealing from a Position of Strength.   I say the word Appears because you don't have to REALLY Feel like you're not falling apart on the inside... but on the exterior you damn well better learn to give that Appearance and Illusion!!!  I have become quite adept at exterior Illusions that seem much Calmer and Stronger than I actually Feel inside when things are going totally Left and the Pain has become unbearable for those I Love and am Caring for.




I have more than one Loved one in my Care that has chronic and incurable Illness that causes a significant amount of Pain, so I never know from day to day... or even moment to moment, when that Pain will become quite unbearable for them.   When we will have to ride it out because no amount of Medication... no amount of Medical Intervention... is going to Solve what they must go through each day of their lives.   And having to watch that Agony, that Torment... whether on a Physical level of them having to Endure it or on an Emotional one, or both... well, it is almost unbearable at times for me as well... because what can you do?  Often I'd rather it be me in fact... if I could trade places so that they could have some Relief and a day without the Pain, I'd do it, but I can't.




Today was one of those unbearable Pain days for just one of my Beloved, Beautiful yet Tortured Souls... he wept on the outside, while I had to remain Stoic for him and just weep on the inside.  So that it at least Appeared that one of us wasn't falling apart and was Dealing from a Position of Strength... since that was necessary, even if it was just an Illusion.  And the Promise that Tomorrow is a brand new day and The Word Promises that weeping may endure for the Night, but Joy comes in the Morning, girds our Faith to keep riding things out... one day at a time... even one moment at a time if we have to take it and make it through in smaller increments of Time.




And as the feigned Calmness presides over the Storm and the Turbulence that intense Pain causes... and comes against the Hopelessness that can dominate the psyche when you've been diagnosed with chronic and incurable Illness, whatever it may be, it can provide some measure of Peace in the midst of the Storms.  You can be reminded that even while Dealing with it all day to day, as sucky and unfair as that is, there really ARE some better days you could fondly recall... maybe not Perfect days, or necessarily Pain-Free days, but better ones.  And since whatever you tend to Focus upon most is typically Magnified... let us Focus upon those better days as best we can.  Those days and times when there were Smiles... and Laughter... and for a moment in Time anyway we weren't Focused upon the daily Pain and Misery we must Endure some kinda way.




And for me the juggling of being a Support System for several who Suffer does exact a toll... and so I have to remember to Minister to myself as well.  So that I can be the one whose close, that they can feel Confident to look to for Strength, for Advice, for Hope, for Comforting Words... when they Feel as though their Prayers aren't being answered and no Relief comes.  So they must just Endure their Afflictions and we must Endure watching them Suffer and go through it.   Sometimes they can do it with Dignity and Grace... other times not so much... there is no Shame either way really, but sometimes they Feel as though there is and they don't want anyone to see... to know... and perhaps that is one of the harder parts.




And if you know me, then you know that though I can be Strong, I am certainly not the Silent Type... and I find it rather Therapeutic to Share some of the Issues of Life and not be Silent about those things nobody much wants to talk about or have to face, because it's so uncomfortable and not so pretty.   Dealing with chronic and incurable Illnesses is NOT comfortable... and it's NOT pretty... but NOT talking about it transparently and candidly often makes it even more uncomfortable and even uglier in my opinion.  When anything seems so hideous that nobody wants to look at it then it doesn't just become invisible because of avoidance.   It can be that Elephant in the room everyone might want to avoid, but there's no pussyfooting around because it exists and it's there in your face.




This is in our face, every day... and we ride it out as we unconditionally Love our Beautiful yet Tortured Souls and do our best to assist them when the Pain just becomes too much to bear... and our Prayers will continue to go up... that perhaps one day they will be answered and Healing will come.

*******

Blessings and Love from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian


8 comments:

  1. It is people like you, and other carers that define the human spirit. There is a little part of the divine in all who feel others' pain. Blessings

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    1. Thank You for those encouraging and Kind words Lesley... I also Believe that the Divine in all of us can connect us to others more deeply, especially in the suffering, so that they might not feel so alone in it. Hugs from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

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  2. Hi Dawn. Thank you for the lovely blog-comments. That was sweet of you.

    You have my respect and sympathy for your caregiving duties. That's tough work. Hang in there.

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    1. Your Blog always provokes deeper thought and perspectives we can contemplate, sometimes I don't put much thought into my own perspectives until the deeper questions arise and have me ponder them. These self-journeys we can embark upon in our Blogs are often enlightening and so vast in topics that I suppose it's why I Love Blogging so much... and visiting the Blogs of others in this Wonderful Community. Thank you for your Encouragement... I've often felt that Serious Mental Illness is one of the more unforgiving of ailments those who are afflicted must endure. Because it is often so misunderstood, even among the Medical Communities that attempt to provide a measure of relief from the pain and torment it causes and certainly by the greatest segment of Society that views it in a negative light, rather than with compassion, as they would a Serious Physical Illness that has no known Cure. We are hanging in there and this Morning was better, which is Good. Hugs from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

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  3. I have been a caregiver..I loved, I cried, and I knew I had to breathe and carry on. God, belief, faith, love, and beautiful inspiration.....that is what helped me to 'ride it out'...one day while seeking inspiration for all things beautiful, I stumbled upon your blog. Its beauty helped to inspire me....not so much in the care giving, but in creating beauty. If my world feels beautiful, my soul is at peace, even in the storm. Beauty calmed the soul. Your blog always inspire my to get up and make something beautiful, and when I created 'beauty', even during my 'storms', my soul would become soothed. I found that inspiration could be life changing. Even during your storm, you are an inspiration. Thank you for sharing. Prayers are floating up for comfort and peace. Hugs and blessings. Love, Yaya

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    1. Oh you have no idea how much these words mean to me and how important a reminder it is to me that what we Share can make a difference in the lives of others, if only in a small way that makes it so worthwhile to have Shared any of it. I completely agree that Creating Beauty and surrounding ourselves with what we Believe to be Lovely and Soothing to our Souls makes a tremendous difference. We might not have complete control of our circumstances but we certainly can make positive changes to our environment to bring more Beauty into our lives and the lives of others. Hugs... Dawn... The Bohemian

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  4. Oh Dawn.......as one who has experienced TREMENDOUS PAIN in a loved one.....my heart goes out to you. It is so difficult to just sit there and watch them destruct and know you really cannot heal them. Healing is an inside job........I know I don't have to tell you this.....as you already know it.

    xo

    Jo

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    1. Yes Jo, the knowledge that I am helpless to change any of it and that the Healing must come in ways I cannot have absolute certainty of makes it Heart wrenching to live with and be around daily. I do Believe that Divine Intervention can perform Miracles... still awaiting our Miracles to Manifest. Knowing others who have a point of reference helps me to see that I am not alone in this struggle... having the support and encouragement of the Online Community can break the feelings of isolation as well... I always look forward to seeing who has come for a visit. Hugs... Dawn... The Bohemian

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A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl