Monday, June 1, 2015

Regrets... I'll Have A Few...



No... I'm not gonna break out into a Frank Sinatra Ballad *Smiles*... but it's True, though the Excitement of buying a New Home is reaching a Pinnacle as the Process moves further along and becomes more of a Possibility... I absolutely know I'll have a few Regrets about what I must leave behind.   Most especially my Art Studio Cottage, which is the Converted Original Carriage House and Stables of this Historic Property.  Especially now that I've got it just the way I want it and the Vibe in there is so Authentic to my True Style that being in there is Pure Heaven On Earth for me.




I will miss every Quirky Detail and OOAK Feature of this particular Cottage more than any other Building on our Property.  Though each has it's Features I will also Miss a lot... this Space was always my Favorite and I felt a particular Connection to.  If I didn't have a Family to have to Share Space with I could have Lived within this smaller Space with utter Contentment in fact.   I know that no matter how Grandiose the New Home is, it will never have the Character of this Beloved Studio Space so any Future Studio will not measure up and I've had to come to Terms with that Fact.




When you absolutely LOVE Historic Properties you see, the Details of a Bygone Era that cannot be adequately Replicated just Create an Atmosphere that I prefer to be surrounded by.   No, I will certainly NOT miss the Labor of Love that owning a Historic Home is, with the emphasis on Labor.  I ain't gonna lie, if you've never owned a Historic Home you have no Idea how much Work is involved in Maintaining the Charm so that it also remains in Working Order!  *Smiles*  Lots of things go wrong and you're Okay with that since you don't expect anything a Century or more in Age to not come with Age related Issues!  *Winks*




But still... in a Perfect World I would Wish for the Magic to just Transport this Carriage House Cottage to the back yard of the New Property... only it wouldn't fit so that wouldn't be practical even if it were possible.   But perhaps if I could have Relocated it with us I could have Preserved something Indefinitely of this Beloved Old Property that I grew to become very Attached to, no matter how much overwhelming Work it became.   I feel I've been as good a Steward of it for almost a couple of decades as I possibly could manage.   I am uncertain of it's Fate after I leave and hand it over to someone else... that Grieves me more than I can put Words to.




Yes, I have cried a river of Tears making this Important Decision to Let Go and begin a new Chapter in our Lives... it was absolutely Necessary at this Season of Life and I am Excited about it as well as Sorrowful.   The Range of Emotion I Feel is quite Extreme in fact... some days it Feels more like a Dream than a Reality playing out.   A Good Dream with some Painful Moments... I think when you have had a Love Affair with anything, to turn loose of it is just not all that easy as just Letting Go and not looking back. 




I have been Warned by Friends and Family NOT to do a Drive-By after I Sell this Beloved Place... but I know I will... I will HAVE to in fact... even if it's a great Risk to do so.   I know it would be better to just Imagine it's just the way it was and always has been for over a Century now... and that whoever buys it will Appreciate it's History even just a little.   But I know that Underwriting a Property such as this is difficult, if not Impossible, so it will go to a Cash Investment Buyer who will make Best Use of it as an Investment... and therefore, it's Fate is quite uncertain and I shouldn't Care, but I do.




I can't Keep it though and so I've Reconciled myself to the Fact that it will soon no longer be mine... and the quicker the better actually, lest I have second thoughts or Torture myself too much with frequent visits after we're all moved out and Gone.   So, to Preserve some of the Precious Memories I tasked myself with Photographing some of it again, before I begin the dismantling Process of packing up and Selling Off what this Space holds... which is already in full swing in the Main House.




I did that with my Mom's Apartment too just before she had to be Moved to Cali to Live with my Brother... and then ultimately became a permanent Nursing Home Resident.  It just seemed eerie to Consider that after all those Years of that being Mom's Home, and all the Memories held within those walls, it soon wouldn't be.   So I needed to Freeze it in Time thru the Eye of my Lens one last time.  I do that with a lot of Historic Properties I know will soon be razed as well... a Final Testament to what was... a Final Look to capture for Posterity and Future Memories of it... when it no longer is.




I am a Real Sentimental you see, always have been, probably always will be.   And though I thoroughly Enjoy Change and Embracing New Adventures with Excitement and Optimism... there are just some things I want to stay the same.   Some things that I get very Sad when they are Gone Forever or no longer Appreciated enough to be properly Cherished.   Some Blighted Areas of the City still make me Cry... because I remember how they used to be, when they were Vibrant and full of Life and Activity that was Positive.   Other once Blighted Areas have been Restored and Reborn and that makes me Cry in a different kind of way, with Gladness and Relief that they weren't completely Destroyed during their turbulent Years and could be Resurrected from the ashes!




I know that the only Constant is Change... and to many, anything Old is just an Eyesore, a Burden or not at all Attractive in any way.   So most of the Historic Structures in our Community have been Lost already... and the last bastions, such as our Old Home, are the remnants of what is left... at least for now anyway.   My Hope would be that they Endure whatever the Future brings against them... but the Reality is that likely as not they won't and only the Images and Memories will remain for those of us who Cherished them just "Being".




It is very difficult to express my Sentiments about how I Feel about that.   I tend to Applaud those Communities that have dug deep to Preserve their History with Love and whatever it takes in the way of Resources to do so.  But the Fact is that you DO have to possess ample Resources to do so... and the typical person does not.   And those that could rightfully have Reservations about doing so because many Historic Structures are in Old Neighborhoods that have seen better days.  And until the entire landscape of them is Revitalized, it's a Risk to Invest too much and be one of the Pioneers of Resurrection of a Community.




When Investors scoop up everything around there are typically two outcomes... either they are building something New... or filling the Properties up with a typically Transient Population of Tenants.  Folks that might not have the Pride of Ownership that Homeowners typically have nor the more permanent ties to the Community since they will be moving on and will not be putting down roots or Investing much in what belongs to someone else.   I used to be a Renter... and often you are limited in what you can do with what belongs to someone else even if you do have Pride in where you're currently Living, but not necessarily Owning.




There are certain Features of this Old House that I'd like to take with me if I could... like the Original Farmhouse Cast Iron Sinks, which are beyond Awesome.  My New Studio will not have such a sink... in fact, it won't have a sink at all.   I will Miss this sink and drainboard... it is mighty handy in the Creative Process to have a Kitchenette Space devoted to the Studio.  Thus I've been duly Spoiled Rotten.   You know how Spoiled Rotten People react when they're USED to something and no longer have it!  *Ha ha ha*   I might just have some Missing Sink Regret Tantrums now and again... at least for a while... during the Transitional Period.  *Winks*




 I will Miss Old Doors with Original Antique Hardware abounding as the Entrance and Exit to every Room.  In fact, I'll miss having small rooms with an Insane amount of Doorways leading in and out of them.   I will miss Transom Windows above many of the Doors.  I will Miss all that Natural Hardwood EVERYWHERE with it's Century Old Patina!  It really has Complimented my Collections to have Old Stuff in an Old Home... a Perfect Backdrop to Showcase them against.




I won't Miss having a ton of Outbuildings since I only tend to fill them up like a Crazed Lovely Items Hoarder... so that will be a Good Thing... having Less Storage.  Never thought I'd say THAT!  *LMAO*    I won't Miss having too much... the Culling of the Hoard has been long overdue.  You just don't realize how much you accumulated over the coarse of decades until you're ready to Move and then Holy Mother Of God... WHAT HAPPENED HERE??!???!???!???!   *Smiles*




While I was making a large Purge Donation to The Goodwill Today I overheard another Senior saying she's Moving to Sun City to Retire... but it will take her MONTHS to actually Move Out of and Let Go of her Current Home because they'll have to downsize so much that it will take a lot of Time!  Oh, how it's a Relief to know I'm not the Lone Ranger in this Reality I'm currently facing!  *Ha ha ha*   Other Older Folks have accumulated Too Much as well, so I'm not such an Anomaly after all, I suppose? 




Today I began packing up my Smalls from the Main House in earnest and it's going quite well and even quicker than I Imagined that it would.  I want to pack up everything I know for sure I'm taking with us you see.  So that I can then step back and look at what's left and how I want to dispose of it all?!!!?   I want to have Old Milk Crates filled with the most Beloved of our Treasures wrapped up with my Antique Fabrics so that two birds were killed with one stone.   So that when we rent a U-Haul and get to the moving of the Smalls, everything is pre-packed to make it more expedient.




I want to be able to unpack said Milk Crates filled with the Minutia of our Lives at my Leisure after all of the larger Items have been put in place.   To then see if it's "Enough"... "Too Much" or whatever?  Then I can decide some more what should be done to make it "Just Right" and totally Manageable?




I'm very, very Proud of the G-Kid Force, they've gotten on Board and began their own individual massive Purges of their belongings and they're Letting Go of a lot, which is Good.  Less for them to Manage will be like less for me to Manage and we'll all be the better off for it.  We'll be able to Concentrate more on Simple Pleasures and Natural Adventures and less on taking care of stuff and maintaining order when it gets chaotic with the Issues of Life.




I was Glad to see that like me, they are not experiencing any Pain in the Letting Go Process nor Agonizing over what should be Culled.   The Man on the other hand is not Embracing this Process so well, in fact, he's as yet to Dial Into the Process for his own Stuff so we Hope that we won't have to do it for him when it's crunch time and HAS to be done?!?   I don't want to make the decisions about his stuff for him, I'd rather he do that for himself... but I can tell it's overwhelming him just to think about it... or to begin... so we'll have to coax and assist him to get it done.

  


He's very Excited about Moving... he Loves the New Home a lot... but tackling his stuff is absolutely Terrifying him... and I can Relate to that on some levels since it Terrified me more than a little bit too... there is SO MUCH... and so much Work to be done!   But, like eating an Elephant, one bite at a time, I've found that breaking it into small tasks has helped me to get way more done than I thought was even possible!




And as long as I don't stall out... or run out of containers to pack it up... I'll get it done and can take more time than our last Move since we won't put this Old House on the Market immediately, so as to give ourselves sufficient Time to dispose of and move everything.   And I don't know how long it will actually take, but I won't Concern myself with that right now... it will take however long it takes.  And Regrets... I'll have a few... {Insert Frank singing "My Way" now... LOL}




Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

8 comments:

  1. Thank you dear for visiting me, your comment joyed my day.
    As for your move, I was in your shoes 5 years ago with a sudden change of things (life) and I was making a move. It's always hard to give up things, yet sometimes the things we give up is a good thing, it makes room in our life to relive new experiences, and take on a new challenge of living different. Yes giving up a cottahe gate house studio would be the hardest part of your move I would guess. For some reason all your gathered and collected pieces of curiosities will feel all different and exciting to move them about in a new home.

    Looking forward to seeing how it all falls into place.... One thing before you go yank that sink off that wall, take it with you and find use for it in your new kitchen, or wet bar butlers pantry :)

    See you soon dear.

    Xoxo
    Dore

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    1. Dore thanks for words of Encouragement, I had to Smile about yanking that Sink out... don't think I haven't considered how I could do something like that. *He he he* Architectural Elements after all, are what make a Historic Home so desireable for those of us who have a deep Love of Old and Preservation. But I am so looking forward to a New Home that is less a Labor of Love and will give me more Time to focus upon those things and people that I Love the most. Dawn... The Bohemian

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  2. Oh Dawn, I feel what a huge undertaking this is. Our last house had so much love poured into it, and I am afraid I became ill after our move.Now I don't put so emotional investment into a house and furnishings etc. In our new home, I have TIME..to play, dream...Our house is pretty, but I no longer want to invest so much into surroundings.I want to invest more in people . You might find that once you move and let go of the old, you will feel very much freer and ready for new things in your life.letting go is one of life's big lessons.I used to teach, so I know about hanging onto things, and letting them go!
    All the best in these next few fraught and difficult weeks and months.

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    1. I totally agree with your assessment Judy... I am looking forward to Simplifying to a point where it frees up more Time to spend with those I Love and doing the things I Love. Moving is a lot of work, Letting Go can be Emotional, but the Outcome is well worth the effort IMO and as each day moves forward in The Process I'm finding it easier to detach and invest myself into what counts now at this Season of Life. Thank You for the words of Encouragement... Dawn... The Bohemian

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  3. Wonderful to hear of your progress! You will have such fun starting over with your beautiful new home! God Bless!

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    1. Yes I will Marlynne... and oddly enough, starting over, almost from scratch, is Exciting me... having a Blank Canvas to re-build upon is any Artist's Dream, right? And I'm looking forward to a more relaxed simplified Lifestyle. Dawn... The Bohemian

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  4. Oh, my goodness! It's really going to happen! You must be ecstatic.

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    1. Oh I am Rebecca... as each day moves forward in The Process I'm looking forward to New Beginnings and all of the Possibilities it brings! Dawn..., The Bohemian

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A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

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