Thursday, May 21, 2015

Navigating Turbulent Waters

 
 
There have been a fair amount of Tears shed in recent days as I Contemplate the possibility of giving up and Letting Go of my Beloved Old Historic Homestead.  Changes and a big move at this Season of Life are a whole lot more Intimidating than they used to be... downsizing considerably is quite Daunting... I guess I always thought this would be our Forever Home.  But the Reality is, now that The Man can no longer help me take care of it... and I must take care of it, him and the G-Kid Force too without 'Staff'... well, it's just become too much and I recognize that sobering Reality.  I Believe it could be time to pass it along to a new Owner that could put it to best use... though what that might be is also somewhat Agonizing for me to Contemplate since we Saved it from being Razed and Lost almost two decades ago now.  I've had to come to a Peace about every Possibility and Outcome... that has been a Process... and a Tearful one at that!
 
 


I have to do what I Believe to be best for the entire Family, while having them all on board and behind the Vision... whether that Vision ends up staying put and deciding that a move is not possible, so what to do now?   Or Moving On to a New and I must say Exciting Adventure?   Our present Home is the only one the G-Kid Force have ever known, so it was not without Anxiety for them to Contemplate being uprooted.  However, Kiddos are Resilient beyond Belief and they quickly became equally Excited that our Forever Home could be the Chosen One we'd Found after much Searching and Due Diligence.  Yes, a Prospective New Home would certainly have to be so Fabulous that the Letting Go of our Beloved Old Historic Home wouldn't be quite so Painful and would lose some of it's Sting... we all felt this one and it's entire Neighborhood, reminiscent of a Historic Tuscan Villa and the Historic Downtown Phoenix District, fit the bill... but without being a Historic "Project".  I think we're quite Done with "Projects" now and unanimous about that Labor of Love coming to an end.   Many will Wonder how can I give what I have up?  Well, when you realize you can no longer take proper Care of it then the HOW CAN I becomes somewhat easier and Logical.
 
 


Now that The Man has Traumatic Brain Injury, Changes are very difficult for him, so it was with a mixture of Excitement and Anxiety that I got him on board for another Nomadic Journey.  Having lived my entire Life as a Nomad... and most of his Adult Life as one too while being Military Families, we've had tons of Experience with picking up and Moving On.  We know we CAN do it... it was more a matter of WANTING to and deciding if the Timiing was Right or not?  Liquidating Assets to make it a Possibility and going thru the Stressful Process of New Home Buying was not without it's share of Reserverations... but though Sellers NEED to Sell, and we don't NEED or HAVE to Buy, it has taken much of the Pressure off for me.  I'm Okay with EITHER Outcome now... I've come to a Peace about Staying or Leaving... let God's Will Prevail as to the eventual Outcome.  I do know that I will Leave with a Heavy Heart and a Missing if that be the Outcome... when you Love anything it is not easy to Let Go and not Look Back Nostalgically.
 
 



I've begun the Process of Potentially Moving On... so we'll see what happens?  I think that even Considering a Fresh Start and the Excitement of New Beginnings has made a difference in everyone's Countenance.   Things have been quite Overwhelming and Difficult in recent weeks so juggling Personal Issues that will be ongoing with a Big Move will not be without it's particular Challenges.  And if we stay put, then we will have to still continue to work on improving our Environment so that there is a lot less Work for me and we can obtain Contentment where we're presently at.  Working around Challenges of remaining in a very Old property that will require a continued Labor of Love and much Resourcefulness.
 
 

 
 
I would prefer to be able to Concentrate more upon the Resolution of Issues and Challenges associated with the Disabilities of the trio I'm Caring for and less upon deferred Maintenance and upkeep of an Old Home.   I Love the Home very much too... but my Loved Ones are by far more Important and if I have to Focus my limited Resources of Time, Talent and Treasures upon something, I'd much rather it be the People I Love exclusively.  Purchasing a new Home that requires no "Projects" and is a blank canvas to build upon is far more Appealing to me right now and seems more do-able and less Work actually.  I can really decide what I can live without when bringing stuff over to Decorate and Style a new Home... rather than wading thru the accumulated possessions of a Lifetime right here at this Old House. 
 
 


But whether we stay or go... the Exodus of Possessions will continue unabated... to the Showroom for right now until we know the Outcome of trying to buy a new Home.  Things will just be ramped up with a Green Light on a Move... and having Family plus Friends clear out what they would like to have or Purchase in a "Mega-Pick" as we'd clear out this Old House, after I've decided I've moved enough over to the new Home.  This would be just one of several downsizing Phases I've already Orchestrated an Order of in my Mind's Eye.  An Estate Sale would probably be the next Phase... more Showroom bound Treasures that remained after Phases I, II and III... and then have a Charity come and clear away the rest to empty this Property out completely.  It Feels Good to have a Plan of Action in place... I'm trying to see how much I can actually live without again.  I once Lived a very Spartan Existence during my Nomadic days and for much of my Life... so returning to less would be Empowering I think.
 
 



The harder part for me is giving up so much Land and Garden... we live on Acreage now and I've Loved it, but now that I'm down to an Army of One in Maintaining it, I'm Embracing having less Garden too and just visiting the enormous Mountain State Park frequently that is so close to the new Property that I could visit it daily if I wanted to.  It's a locale I've Loved, Hiked and spent many fond Memories at for well over forty years now... so living within the Shadow of it's Magnificent Mountains that were Sacred to the Ancestors of the Native American Tribes of the area will be Spiritual and Magical for me... food for the Spirit.  The View from the new Home is breathtaking!
 
 

 
 
Moving and emptying out the majority of our Possessions also means less potential for mishaps like this.   I had Attended an Event Today only to come Home to this... The Man isn't very steady or as Careful as he used to be before his Accident so occurrances like this are unfortunately par for the course now.   He's like a little Boy after an unfortunate mishap like this occurs since he's afraid I will be terribly upset about it.   Accidents happen... and yes, it always seems that most happen to some of my very Favorite pieces, why is that?!?  *LOL and a Sigh*   But at least he was just fine and only a plate went down this time.   He doesn't fall or stumble nearly as often as he used to and so the mishaps are a lot less frequent... but clearing the clutter will surely help a lot to avoid scenarios like this.
 
 
 

And there will still be plenty of room in the smaller Gardens of the new Home for my Container Victory Garden and Herb Gardens... so a Harvest of Fresh Veggies and Herbs will still be possible... especially since the Home is build like the Historic Villas with an Interior Courtyard completely surrounded by the Home as well!!!   I've always Dreamed of that particular Feature in a Forever Home, so that was on the Plus Side in Favor of the New Home!  *Winks*   Can you only tell how Excited I am about actually Moving now that I've decided I CAN Let Go and relocate if I need to?  That too is quite Empowering and I will certainly try not to Look Back too much at what had to be left behind... if it plays out that way.   Only Time will tell... and you'll be some of the first to know of coarse what our Outcome turns out to be!?
 
 


 
 
And the lingering Questions yet to be Answered remain... such as, will I be able to Impart as much Character to a new Home's Space as I have been able to within the walls of this Unique Historic Home?  A Home which has so much History, Superb Craftsmanship, Charm and Character that no new Home can really compare... no matter how Fabulous.   As one who has a Deep Affinity for the Love of Old and the Preservation of our Historic Architectural Treasures I suppose I will always be Partial and Biased about the Superiority of the Historic Buildings.  Landmarks that have Survived "Progress" and many perils over the ages and remained suspended in Time... to give us a glimpse back into the Past and the History of what once was.  It is my deep Desire that whoever owns this Old Homestead when I give it up will Appreciate it at least in part for what it is?
 
 

 
 
But if not, at least I have the Memories of the almost two Decades we have Loved it and Preserved it as best we could... it has been our distinct Privilege to have Owned it and been it's Stewards at least for a Time.   And it's Bittersweet to know that the Time has probably come for a parting... I always said I would never get Attached to a PLACE... but I couldn't Help it with this Place... it is very Special and it is with a considerable amount of Sadness that I even Contemplate a Move.   Not so much because I can't Let Go... but because I have seen the Fate of so many Lovely Old Properties come to a demise and that WOULD deeply Sadden me... no matter how much I Profited from the Sale of it.  Our particular area and Town has not designated Historic Structures to Protect them and really doesn't seem to Care very much about it's History, which is a Shame because once it's all gone, there's no Redemption.   Progress without Balance is not always a Good thing IMO.
 
 


So... this is my Update for Today on what I've been up to here Off The Grid...  it's been a very Emotional and busy time... almost like navigating turbulent waters... where the Adventure of being on the Ocean is Exhilerating, but at the same time you have to steer your course Carefully and navigate where you actually want to end up.   Enjoying the Journey and yet having some kind of Final Destination at the end of the day... or week... or however long it might take?
 
 

 
 
Blessings from the Arizona Desert... where Change of some kind is definitely in the air... Dawn... The Bohemian


11 comments:

  1. I am somewhat in the same situation. My husband isn't disabled but under terrible stress at his job. We are hoping he can retire soon. We do have a son with disabilities. HE doesn't live with us but we take care of his finances. He doesn't make good decisions at all. Lately he moves in and moves out only to do it all again.
    We have our house on the market but it hasn't sold. Last summer we had what we thought was the perfect condo being held for us. Since after 6 months it didn't sell, we lost that condo. Last year condos sat on the market forever. This year they sell before they hit the market. This time we have been listed for 73 days. There is nothing available on our wish list at the moment. I would love it if we just stayed. But like you said it's the maintenance.
    I haven't followed you long enough to know about your husband's injury. I hope things work out for you. Your home is beautiful.

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    1. Thanks for Sharing your Story and coming by for a Bloggy Visit Debby! Dawn... The Bohemian

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  2. Once the hard decision has been made to leave your 'forever' home, the rest seems like a cakewalk, Dawn. And I'm here to tell you I don't miss maintaining a historic property one little bit! As for caring what happens to it after ... that too gets easier the longer you've been gone. But maybe don't drive by just to see how it's doing! Although it's easy to say it doesn't matter to me anymore what happens to the house, I'm pretty sure I'd fall apart if I actually saw the changes.

    I think you're doing the right thing at the right time. It's going to make your life just a little easier, and every little bit helps. :)

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    1. I totally am in Agreement with your views on this my Friend, and I will TRY to resist the Temptation to Look Back if we do get the New Home... the last property we Sold I didn't resist the Temptation and I did fall apart some when I saw what had happened to it... and it wasn't a Historic Site! I'm anxious and excited all at once! *smiles* I am SO looking forward to the Posts where you will be Sharing your new Home. Hugs... Dawn... The Bohemian

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  3. Hard & Emotional Times I can tell! I will be praying that you make the right decisions and doors open up for you!

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    1. Thank You Marlynne... I have such a range of Emotion right now... but mostly Good ones and high Hopes! Dawn... The Bohemian

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  4. It's wonderful to have some options! I look forward to hearing about the next step you take toward your new reality :)

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    1. Thank You Rebecca... we're moving towards opening Escrow next week on the new Dream Home... Dawn... The Bohemian

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  5. I can empathise with the struggle you have. You love your home, and you love your family, and you're now in a situation where you have to choose between them. Not an impossible choice, but one that will never be easy. May the Lady guide you. blessed be.

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    1. Thank You Lesley, yes, it is indeed difficult to let go of a Home you Love and have many Cherished Memories at... but not impossible... we're looking forward to what the Future holds... Dawn... The Bohemian

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