Monday, May 4, 2015

Embracing The Glorious Mess That I Am



Embracing the Glorious Mess that you are isn't just as easy as doing it... it can be a more difficult Embrace than you Contemplated.   There are things about yourself that not only can drive others Bat Shit Crazy, but you as well.   Sometimes it even drives me Crazier than it seems to drive everyone else, since they can be quite a bit more laissez faire about my shortcomings and I'm my own worst Critic.  Let's face it, we're around ourselves more than anyone else is... so Dealing with our own Glorious Mess is a Full Time Job.   It could be more of a Part Time Job for everyone else, since their Exposure can be regulated.  And they're Dealing with their own Glorious Mess that they are, so they might not be so Focused upon your Glorious Mess anyway?  *Smiles*
 
 



But they can Help you along in your Self-Embrace, since Clearly they Love you just as you are, or they would have jumped Ship by now and gone for the Lifeboats!!!   Even when the place looks like it could be the next Titanic, they're not complaining, they're on for the whole ride and willing to go down with the Ship along with me apparently!?  My Family is very Tolerant of how I am... I know this because most of the actual Temporal Mess around here, well, I'm the Catalyst and Creator of it... and they don't act like it bothers them so much as it does me.   Sure, they can contribute to it in their own way since Kiddos aren't all that concerned with housekeeping and can appear to have invisible blinders on when it comes to actually noticing disarray and disorganization around them... whether it be their own or anyone elses.   And The Man, well, he's probably the most Organized and Orderly of this bunch even with his current limitations... and after all these years he's probably just used to me being this Glorious Mess Maker?!  *Smiles*
 
 


It's such a Delicate Dance Embracing yourself... and I'm slowly, but Intentionally, learning not to be quite so hard on myself as I juggle everything in Mi Vida Loca like a Circus Clown and drop some of what is in the air, when too much is in the air all at once to catch with just my own two hands.   I always have a lot of things in the air... and hitting the ground... that's just the way it is... and I'm not the most adept Juggler of it all some days.   Some days I just let it all hit the ground so I can take a Rest and Exit Stage Left... and so a lot is presently on the ground... resting there too... 'til I pick it back up and begin the Delicate Dance all over again.  Some days it doesn't even bother me so much as I Ignore it or Procrastinate on tackling it.
 
 


I'm not the Analytical sort, that's The Man's forte, but at times I've Analyzed it a bit to try to figure out how it came to be this way... since it wasn't always such a Glorious Mess as it is right now, nor was I.  I've decided that it probably was my Coping Mechanism... a Self-Preservation Measure to Distract myself from things I had absolutely no Control over and had to Deal with anyway, every day in fact.   Funny really, since now it almost seems like I don't have as much Control over this either as I erroneously thought I did!?!   Controlling one's Environment might not be Important to some people, but it almost seemed Critical for me to be able to Control SOMETHING around me!
 
 



And any other Self-Professed Control Freaks can say a hearty Amen to that!!!   I've always been able to Control so much of my Journey and exercise my Strong Will against Obstacles to overcome them and keep pressing forward towards my Goals and my Destiny.   But some things cannot be Controlled and no amount of Willpower and scrambling towards Goals will remove them from your Path.  They can and often will shape your Destiny... and not always in a way you're on board for or is necessarily Good... and that's a tough pill to swallow when you're very Goal Oriented and saw a Rosy Destiny ahead in your Mind's Eye.   You can become an even more Glorious Mess as an Outcome of those kinds of Obstacles to Deal with or attempt to Overcome.
 
 


I sometimes Imagine that if I wasn't Dealing with certain barriers Life handed me unexpectedly, my Outcome and Present situation could have been different and it all would look quite different?  We'll never know... so it doesn't really matter.   How it looks now is how it is now... and Embracing that is a Process and one that could take me more than a minute since I'm so headstrong that I always try to Force Change in the Direction I want for it to go.   Sometimes it fights back and doesn't Change... or the battle wages on so long that we have to Create an uneasy Truce of sorts and hammer out a Compromise.  You remember how I told you I am lousy at Compromise?  *Winks*   I want things MY way, I'm Stubborn like that... I try to Negotiate my own Best Deal constantly... I Believe you don't always get what you Deserve, but what you Successfully Negotiate.
 
 

 
 
And with People that often works out quite Well and in my Favor enough that I'm Satisfied with the Outcome... but you can't really Negotiate with Stuff.   No, Banana Boxes filled with Klutter... Delightful Possessions or Future Inventory that has no place to be yet or is on it's way out the door to be Sold or Donated... can entrench itself firmly and you're just gonna hafta go THROUGH IT... one box at a time, clearing it out until it's Dealt with.   Some days I don't have so many... and some days I don't even have enough boxes to restrain and contain it and then it just turns into those dreaded Piles I abhor.  But it's not Garbage and so it's not as Simple as taking out the Garbage.
 
 


I probably look at too many Images of Beautifully Curated Homes and Studios so that I'm making unfair Comparisons, which is never a Good Idea and certainly is Sanitized to make it all very Editorial and all.   It's Great for Inspiration and Ideas... lousy for Comparing to Real Life as it happens to unfold between any four walls for sure!!!   But I have this Ideal that it COULD look something like that... maybe just a little... one day... it keeps me going to actually have such a Fantasy in fact!!!   And I have been in Homes that look that way for Real... I don't know how they do it... Magic and a lot of Hard Work combined I'm certain... maybe they have Elves... or Staff... or a Personal Organizer that assisted with Transformation, I dunno?  Maybe their entire Life is just more Orderly and less Chaotic or Challenged with Crisis heaped upon Crisis... hard to tell?  Maybe I wouldn't have it in me to Keep our Home that way regardless of the actual reasons theirs is that way... and maybe it's just an Illusion? 
 
  


Maybe just out of Frame or Off-Set there is that Glorious Mess too?  Their Glorious Mess, which is probably different than mine, or yours, but a Glorious Mess nonetheless?!?   I like to think that anyway, that we're all somewhat Afflicted in similar ways so that I don't feel totally Abnormal about it!  *LOL*   You don't want to have to Contemplate that how you are is quite the Anomaly and would require a serious Intervention and the Cavalry to have to come in and Rescue you!!!?!???!
 
 



I'm not sure how long it will take me to Successfully Deal with the result of being this Glorious Mess that I am... in a way that I can finally Feel totally Comfortable with the Embrace?   I could Embrace it and I will Embrace it somewhere along the Journey... I'm just not quite THERE YET in this Process.   It isn't just as easy as doing it... or I would have certainly done it already without it being so much Work to have a Peace about it.
 
 

 
 
And until there is a place for everything and everything in it's place I will probably still be Working upon it until it looks Right and Acceptable to me... looks somewhat Finished and Curated to a point of Sanity anyway!  Where Gorgeous Lampshades I want to Keep are actually mounted on Lamps or hanging as Chandies in Delightful groupings over something that I want to Illuminate with the Ambiant Lighting they will Create.   Where every Vintage Suitcase is in Storage Stacks filled and tagged with the Contents it is keeping out of sight and out of Mind until it's needed... instead of looking like someone is moving out... or moving in and hasn't yet unpacked!!! 
 
 


A place where Inventory that should be Showroom bound is promptly Dealt with Efficiently rather than languishing because that's the part of the Process I abhor most... deciding what should go out and Pricing it.  *Le Sigh*   Since the Acquisition of it was such Fun and the Styling of it is such Fun it is always a Killjoy to have to Deal with the Unfun part, isn't it?  *Smiles*   And lets face it, wading thru Possessions you like to DECIDE what to part with isn't as easy sometimes as just doing it either... detaching whilst de-stashing can be far more difficult than you Imagined that would be sometimes, depending on your Mood and how Determined you are to plow thru it?!?
 
 



I'm plowing thru it Methodically... and some days I'm Avoiding it... though it sits around as a Monumental Reminder that is really so 'In Your Face' that you can't Ignore it too long lest it make you completely Mad!   Some of it, like gathering Old Doilies laying around here and there and everywhere, and just throwing them together in Vintage Olive Buckets in a haphazard semi-organized way has been the easier part of the Ordeal.   Other things go far more slowly and painfully grind to halts so that it almost seems like an endless task.
 
 

 
 
But I'm sure I'll Arrive one day... just not Today... and I'm Learning to be Okay with that, as I am deciding to Embrace the Glorious Mess that I am one day at a time...  Dawn... The Bohemian


2 comments:

  1. Go Girl! Embrace The Mess and Be Happy!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I seem to be in a constant state of trying to be organized. Or looking for something I know is there but not quite sure where there is :)

    ReplyDelete

A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl