Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Way Worse Than I Expected


Well, things have gone from bad to way worse than I expected regarding being really Sick after my Immunization fiasco last Wednesday!   I couldn't have even Imagined things could go this far Left when you walk in Healthy to receive something that should keep you Healthy and walk out with a potentially Life Threatening 'Situation'... but a 'Situation' is what we now have!!!

By two a.m. Sunday Morning I really looked and felt like I was dying... literally... not figuratively... so after I got the Crew here sound asleep I drove myself to the ER, which turned out to be a timely decision.  Since apparently I was not having an Adverse Reaction to either of the shots serum after all... what I was having was a now rampant severe deep tissue Infection that has spread throughout my body from "unsterile procedure" when the shots were administered!!!   WTF!?!???!??

It happens... I know this because fairly recently in an AARP expose' I'd read that one of the leading causes of death in Seniors is being given an Infection when they are receiving Medical Treatment... you just never think the odds are that high that it will be YOU... you know!?!   You assume that happens to the very frail and Sick Seniors that might be more susceptible... not the Robust Healthy Seniors just practicing preventative medicine to STAY Healthy... clearly that assumption was dead wrong and now I'm facing a 'Situation' over someone else's Carelessness.

Not that I could have prevented what happened to me, unless I opted not to receive any preventative medical treatment like an annual Flu and/or Pneumonia Immunization to attempt not to get those illnesses, but it never should have happened in the first place!!!  

And so I'm Angry... I'm Angry because someone got slack at Sterile Procedure and Protocol... and because of this now my Family and I are suffering the severe consequences... and right in the midst of the Holidays when we should be Enjoying Life!   Yes, I Reported it... and the Base Clinic is now seeing me regularly to attempt to help me fight this severe Infection and recover... but it's a running damage control kinda thing... what has been done cannot be undone.  But it can be a valuable Lesson on how important Proper Procedures are to protect Patients.

I'm Angry because I'm also a Full Time Caregiver of three Loved Ones who cannot look after themselves without my Assistance and they NEED me to remain Well enough to Care for them properly and get them to their myriad of necessary Appointments.  I cannot do this when I'm extremely Sick and so that puts my entire Family Structure in jeopardy. This is exclusively why I practice Preventative Medicine because it's more than just being all about me.  I always make this very clear to my Health Care Providers.   My own Health and Well Being is vitally important for us all... so that the Caregiver is able to continue to do what I need to do so that my Loved Ones don't need 'Placement'... and believe me... that's a whole other Story I could go on an Epic Rant about, but I won't Today.  *Smiles*

Trying to have The Man and The G-Kid Force take Care of me is a tall order for them because of their Health, Mental Health and/or Age limitations, they aren't capable of it and so I'm SOL if I go down.   I know this and right now I'm in an SOL kinda 'Situation' where I still have to press on because there is no other choice regardless of how I 'Feel' or what I am Enduring.   And what I've been Enduring since Wednesday is excruciating Pain that I cannot even adequately describe!  From not only the Infection, which is like being on fire from the inside out and not being able to escape the flames... but also the Forty-Eight Hour changes of 'packing' the extremely ulcerated and tender lanced site to keep everything draining and hopefully Healing... and without the benefit of being numbed up or knocked out because I have to drive myself and not be too doped up to Care for everyone else!
It's times like this that I'm Exceedingly Grateful to my Dearly Departed Dad who raised us Old School Apache Style when it came to Endurance and over-riding Pain in a Natural way so that your tolerance is exceedingly high even during Suffering.   But though I'm no Coward, when I must Endure something fairly Constant with no Relief Date... and Procedures that make me Cry and want to Pass Out because I'm struggling to get thru them fully conscious and without strong drugs to dull the Agony... I just want it all to end as quickly as possible and not have to do it too much longer.

This has been an Ordeal... a Test like none other I've ever had to Experience and Get Through... and it was totally Unexpected.   Most days I don't want to do anything but stay in bed and try to Sleep it off if the Pain will ease up long enough to allow any Sleep.  What strong meds I have been given to take when I'm not driving and can catch a break in Caregiving, well, they haven't even taken the Edge off of this type of Pain, so it totally sucks.  We've had to Cancel or Modify every Special Holiday Plan and Activity we'd looked forward to during the Christmas Season now... and that makes me Angry as well as being extremely disappointed beyond words.

The Grandson was in his first ever Parade this past weekend and I was exceedingly Proud of him.  So tho' I felt absolutely dreadful I meticulously Planned it so that I went to the very tail end of the Parade Route and arrived just moments before his School Band walked by so that he'd be Surprised. He wasn't expecting me to be able to make it you see... and tho' he had said it was Okay, I could tell by his Countenance that it really wasn't Okay and he was just saying that for my benefit.  He beamed the moment he saw me and really came to Life in his Performance... he'd worked really, really hard for this Special Moment to Perform and it WAS a Big Deal.  I would have had to be on my literal Deathbed to miss this and let him down.
Capturing and Preserving the Moment in Time thru the Eye of my Lens was worth it... even tho' I stayed so briefly that it took more time to get there and find a place to park and stand than how long I was watching or Enjoying a Parade... I would have liked to of Experienced it Fully... but it was better than missing the whole thing.   That's how I'm feeling about this Holiday Season now, Experience what I can Salvage whilst Recovering... its Good for my Emotional State, which is at a particular low as I battle the Serious Health Implications suddenly impacting my Life.

Being a Diabetic my body is particularly vulnerable and High Risk when it comes to battling Infections and Healing without Complications... so this has been some very Serious Business and the Doctors have tried to be Encouraging yet also Keep it Real to what I'm facing.   I know that being Angry solves nothing... so I just acknowledged that I am Angry and upset... but must move past the Anger. And Hope that what has happened to me will ensure that Patient Safety and not being slack about Sterile Procedures is addressed so that it doesn't happen to anyone else, because it should never happen... I wouldn't want even an enemy to go thru something like this, I really wouldn't.

The G-Kid Force must still receive their Immunizations on Friday... and of coarse after what has happened to me they are afraid... and I am Concerned... so Trust and Believe I will be watching everything like a Hawk and insisting that things aren't prepared in another room where I can't see how and where everything is handled!   The only thing I am Glad about is that this happened to me and not one of my Loved Ones instead because I would have probably flipped out by now and gone on a major Rampage.  As Luck would have it, feeling this Sick I haven't had the Strength to go on an Epic Rampage, it just isn't appropriate for The Season after all!  *LOL*

And even tho' in many ways it is the worst of times... it is also the best of times... there's irony in that fact, but our Joy remains intact... just Adjusted considerably.   Having a sense of one's Mortality and the Fragility of Life and Circumstances turning on a dime has a way of making you all the more Appreciative you see of THIS Moment in Time given as a Gift.

I do so Enjoy Living in the Moment anyway... and the Gift that is Life... and Enjoying Good Health can be taken for Granted until you find yourself not able to.   So I realize this Holiday Season will be filled with Unexpected Health Challenges of my own now and I've got to find the way and the Spirit to Endure it with dignity and Grace... and Strength, because I've still got numerous Painful Procedures to Endure that I'd rather not have to, but must.

Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian


  1. Oh my, what a horrible situation. I hope they have something that will help you get better.

  2. I feel your pain, Dawn. Without our healthy spirit and body - we are simply stuck until we feel better. This just isn't fair, not fair at all. How could a preventative procedure mess up this badly? Saying a prayer for you sweet friend. Only know we love you and pray you get better soon.

  3. Wow that is awful! Sending best wishes for a speedy recovery!

  4. Feel better soon, sounds like a horrible experience! Yikes, my flu shot was a month ago, so I guess I had a clean needle!

  5. So sorry Dawn, that you are going through this. Sending prayers your way. Try to get some well needed rest so that you can get better soon. Your beautiful family will be fine for a few days while you tend to yourself:)
    ~Debra xxx
    Capers of the vintage vixens

  6. wishing you all the best thoughts to feel better soon!

  7. Oh Nooo!! Hope you get better soon, so scary!!!

  8. Things like this are not supposed to happen! I'd be terribly angry, too. I hope all goes well with the g-force immunizations and that you start feeling better in time to enjoy the holidays with your family, Dawn.


A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl