Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Waiting... For A Ride That Never Comes

I didn't WANT to do this Post... but I NEED to, it's a Personal Story that is far too often never made Public... until usually it's gone way Left and beyond Redemption.  And so after Waffling and Wrestling about it for a day I finally decided it was time to put thoughts to Post and Share the Experience.  Maybe it will even Help someone else who has a point of reference to the Topic and that would make it worthwhile to have been so Transparent about something so Delicate and Deeply Personal.  And hey, it's still Cheaper than Therapy, which requires Approval and all that Bureaucratic Bullshit and Red Tape!  You see, Dealing with the Mental Health System for your Loved Ones in Crisis is like waiting for a ride that never comes.  It's like THIS Bus Stop... and I've been to THIS Bus Stop numerous times throughout the years... too many times in fact... so I know all the Players and I've seen many of the Casualties of this War.

Because if you have a Mentally Ill Loved One in Extreme Crisis {or maybe it's even you, depending upon your particular Story}... it has to be Rated Epic Enough for Inpatient Treatment and a Proper Intervention that could actually be Successful.   Intervention being the key word here, because in my mind, if someone has reached the point of Torment that the Depression and Despair is enough that the Dark Thoughts are taking over and they are now Calling Out for Help and to be Saved... THAT is the Appropriate Time to Intervene and have them Receive Treatment.   NOT when it has already been Acted Upon and now you're Dealing with either a Failed or a Successful Suicide Attempt.  Because then you're just running Damage Control behind a Full Blown Tragedy, Damage that could be Permanent... and that might have been prevented... or Arranging a Funeral... and that's TOO LATE my Friends!

That is why so many are Lost... and until a Beloved Celebrity Succumbs and it makes National Headlines... often the Struggle is a Silent one Experienced only by the Closest of Family and Friends.  Those left to Attempt to Deal With It as they're sent off with a trite, "Good Luck with that and we Hope it all works out..."    As you Wonder just how  you're going to keep your Loved One Safe enough without the Support and Guidance they should be receiving in a Controlled Facility?  Rather than as an Outpatient ready to give up, give in and give out as they languish waiting for Appointments and brief Sessions in an Uncontrolled Environment, to try to get back on track while they're still Willing and Able to Voluntarily stay plugged in and engaged in their Process.  Rather than Involuntarily being Committed ONLY AFTER things have already gone totally Left and they simply don't Care anymore and will Exit Stage Left.  By then, since things got 'Approved' too late and a dollar short, it's not a matter of IF, but WHEN they will merely be a Grim Statistic to Society and a Page in the Obituaries.

Only they won't just be a Tragic Statistic to their Loved Ones and Friends... we'll be the ones building the Memorials and Ofrendas, the Altars in Bittersweet Remembrance.  Of the Dear Souls that were Neglected by The System so flawed that we couldn't get Help and Approvals when we were Pleading for it and it could have made a difference.   Yes, as I visited this Ofrenda at the Gardens of a Sweet yet Tortured Soul who was Lost to the Battle of the Darkness it hit a chord and I wept.  I wept because we have a Personal Point of Reference... in the Past, the Present and we will have in the Future... since it has been a Generational Curse of too many of our Loved Ones being so Afflicted with the Torment of Mental Illness.  We've watched the Valiant Struggle and the Battles... some Won... some Lost... some still very much in Progress.  Some too Young to be full time Warriors in this Epic Battle of Life and Death... hanging in the balance precariously and unsure of the outcome!?
And often they Fight Alone... or with far too few Troops deployed in their defense in this War.  Or the Reinforcements are there, we can even SEE them... just out of reach and NOT deployed because they need prior 'Approval' to become Engaged and not just be Spectators rather than Participants to ensure a Victory... or at least to Help hold one's ground and stay above it rather than be below it with the Survivors Mourning the Losses of those who left too early, Casualties of War in the Battlefield of the Mind.   And I just Wonder how much Society really has Lost in the way of what could have been... and should have been... had the Time not been cut short prematurely by The Enemy?   But I guess we'll never know.

And what is it like waiting for this ride that never comes?  Well, Imagine if you will that you called 911 for any other Life Threatening Medical Emergency {Cardiac or Respiratory Arrest or _____ you go ahead and fill in the blank}... and you got put on 'Hold' or turned away because it was determined that it didn't seem close enough to Death yet for them to bother showing up!  Or even getting Involved... or Approving you or your Loved One the appropriate Medical Treatment and Intercession at a Medical Facility that could provide it and Ensure a better chance of Survival than just leaving them at Home for YOU to Attempt to Deal With It without the necessary skills, resources or training!?!  Yeah, that's what it is like.

And HOW DO you Accurately Gauge when that person IS close enough to Death now for them to take it Seriously enough to extend Inpatient Treatment and SUFFICIENT HELP... and it's Escalated to the point where Approval would be Ensured?   I can't tell you my Friends... because I don't know that answer... and neither do THEY Truth be told... so it's like playing Russian Roulette with the Life of someone in my opinion... click... click... click... BANG... Oh, so THAT was the time when everyone SHOULDDA Reacted... misgauged that one... Sorry... better Luck next time!   But... will there BE a next time if Luck ran out?

And when it is a Child the Ante is upped considerably, because they are the most Vulnerable and require the Care, Decisions and Intercession of Responsible Adults to make FOR them and on their behalf.  Or Partnering WITH them if they're of an Age of Accountability and can be a part of their own Process but are not yet Emancipated so still Reliant upon the ultimate Decisions of the Adults in Charge of their Destiny.   RESPONSIBLE Adults being the key word here... and there can be many Responsible ones present in the Process of Dealing With their Crisis... but all it takes is the one Irresponsible one that drops the ball or interferes with the Process to have a Tragic Outcome!

And just how many should we Lose before enough is enough?  How many should be Turned Away when they're Begging for the Help they'll not be Ensured of receiving... waiting for a ride that never comes?   Being told that if they're Seeking Help then it must not be ENOUGH of a Crisis yet for a Full Blown Intervention to be Approved by the Powers that be!!!  Is it really more about the Funding... I sometimes Wonder... and have we, as a Society, Discounted the Value of these Precious Souls so much that they have become Second-Class Citizens when it comes to their Right to Medical Treatment during their Medical Crisis, simply because it involves Mental Health rather than Physical Health?   Because if one Succumbs to either you're just as Dead you know... aren't you?  It doesn't lessen the Tragedy or Sorrow.

And there is no Resurrecting the Dead and a Do-Over once it's Too Late... and the Wouldda, Shouldda, Couldda Debates that are sure to ensue AFTER THE FACT that enough wasn't done even when they stood at the door knocking... and made that Call for Help to come in time... waiting... for that ride that they and their Loved Ones can't be sure will ever come or not? 

And you can find us there at THAT Bus Stop right now in fact... because we're Dealing With this very Crisis involving our Precious Grandson... and have been Turned Away and told to Wait... to Wait until it's Close Enough to Death to Warrant an Approval.   And that makes me very Angry and Anxious indeed, because the stakes are simply too High and a Life hangs in the Balance of those Decisions.  And I don't want someone else dropping the ball on my Watch and have it just become another Grim Statistic or Sensational Story on the News that finally grabs Public Attention because it's so Poignant and so Tragic beyond words.   And until it's you and yours you never really know... and I Hope to God you never have to.
With Blessings and Sadness in the Arizona Desert this day... Dawn... The Bohemian


  1. I wish I had words. I wish I had answers. I wish I had resources. I'm so sad for your and your loved ones. How BEYOND frustrated you must be...

  2. It is so hard- the stigma around telling people you are depressed or anxious, the waiting to get help! It is a terrible thing! I hope that everything turns out ok! I wish that they made it easier for people in this situation, which is hard enough already!

  3. Thank you for posting this. I was just watching a t.v. show here in Canada. A book by Kris Vallotton called Spirit Wars dealt with depression, anxiety and maybe it would be helpful for you. Praying for your grandson.......

    Shirley Baker

  4. These things are...there are not enough words to describe the despair. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and send out as much healing love as I can.

  5. Oh Dawn...My heart is hurting with you in your despair ! Oh I pray that the door will be opened for your grandson to get the help he so disparately needs!

  6. Oh Dawn...Mental illness is a very serious disease in our society....and often is so very poorly handled. Sending positive thoughts your way in this time of stress.



A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

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