Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Slowly Diminishing... The Used To Be Post

 
 
I used to be an almost daily Blogger... and now I look at April's Posts, as the Month is quickly drawing to a close, and see Nine entries, and that's Okay.   Because there are certainly a lot of other "used to be's" at this Season of Life for me... and it doesn't make it necessarily Good or Bad, just Different... and not Projected by any stretch of my Imagination or Plans.
 



I certainly wouldn't or couldn't have Projected how I'm spending my Senior Years, I had Envisioned them as quite different in my Mind's Eye... Quite... Different.   There are so many things I used to be and used to do... things and doings slowly diminishing as Time marches on... and perhaps that's the Opportunity to be a Good thing and not just a Different thing, I'm not sure yet?  I'm still Pondering that train of Thought.
 
 



Some things Presented themselves, at least initially, as Bad things as they diminished and became Different.  Embracing Changes can be a Process, whether Perceived as Good or Bad, though Perception is everything at the end of the day.
 
 



And often it's difficult to put a finger upon exactly why some things used to be and now no longer are... or at least have diminished considerably in their quantity, quality or ability to be the same.  Often that Process itself is so subtle or so gradual that you can't really narrow it down to when it happened, like you can with the times when it wasn't subtle nor gradual and made a distinctive impact all at once that was a Life or Game Changer.
 
 



I used to be able to Accomplish so much and be able to make long range Goals and Plans that typically came together from being purely Conceptual to Actual at some point in time.   Now I tend to languish much longer in the Conceptual of things... and not always because I want or choose to.  The Ability to Accomplish many of them has slowly diminished and not picked up a whole lot of momentum for a variety of reasons... some known and evident, some not so much.
 
 



And the Being Okay with that has sometimes also been a Process I'm Working Through... at least for some things and some doings... or not doings.   When things and doings don't play out as you Envisioned, sometimes it is difficult to Change the Vision to line up with the Reality.  To be at Peace with what used to be... and now IS.   And especially with what isn't likely to Change just so that it lines up with what you'd painted on the canvas of your Imagination long ago... or even recently.
 
 



I'm not one to torment myself with what I'd THOUGHT things would be like... and AREN'T, for whatever reasons, it matters not really, because the Why isn't going to impact the How It Is for much of it in my case anyway.   And for those things that can be resolved and get back to how I used to be, I know I've just got to put in the Work and to be Relentless and completely focused about it for the desired results.
 



Lucky for me being Tenacious is in my DNA and so being Relentless about what I REALLY Desire or don't wanna give up comes Naturally.   I'll really Fight hard to retain what I don't want to Lose and Believe I can Maintain, Resurrect or Recapture.  I also Adapt and Improvise very well and so I can usually get to a place and a Peace about being Okay with almost anything as Life happens too.  As the used to be's and used to do's Change and either cease or diminish at the New Season I find myself in.
 
 


Right now Diminishing seems to be the Order of the Day... paring back, scaling down, doing less, letting go, moving on, slowing down, editing, purging and Acceptance of Less in many areas of Life in general.  There is actually a certain Measure of Freedom that comes with that... even though Freedom in it's Purest Form and Essence isn't exactly how I'd describe my Life right now due to Caregiving Responsibilities.  So the Freedom is actually a different type than you'd normally define it.
 
 

 
 
Let me explain in part what I mean.  I used to be gainfully Employed with good earning potential that I just Assumed I'd always have available to me and at my disposal.  Because I knew my Work Ethics were Strong, my Networking well developed, my Experience on point and quite broad.  Now I find myself redefining Success and having the Freedom of no longer holding down a Career outside of the Home and following my Bliss more regularly as Circumstances permit around Personal Obligations.
 
 


Did I Plan on Forced Early Retirement and Unpaid Caregiving of G-Kids and a Disabled Spouse to be my Primary 'Job' as a Senior, absolutely not.   There are times when what I used to be and what I now am are in conflict with each other and still occassionally warring... but that too is diminishing as Acceptance and Embracing certain Freedoms it has opened up to me are Revealed and fully Appreciated.
 
 



When the Ability to spend more time with and Focus on Family exclusively is in fact a Dream come true in it's own way, just played out Differently, so neither all Good nor all Bad... just Different and now considered a Blessing in disguise.   I used to be quite a Workaholic you see... because I've always Enjoyed my Work and been Successful at whatever I did, whether I intentionally chose the Work or the Work chose me.
 
 
 
 
I also used to Travel a LOT and had the Wanderlust bad... it was always difficult for me to put down Roots and so I used to define Freedom as the Ability to pick up and move on down the road when ever it felt right to do so.  Now that doesn't mean that I no longer Dream of extensive Travel or have snuffed out the inherent Wanderlust that is in my Blood and coarses thru my veins... but having now put down some Roots brings with it a different form of Freedom and Happiness as well.
 



And the same goes with many things... Blogging, spending Time with Friends and having Social Activities.   As each has diminished it has opened up not only a greater Appreciation for each so that when I do partake in the doing of it, I am even more Present in the Moment... but also given me the Time to concentrate on other things more effectively and in a more Balanced way than I might have otherwise.
 
 



Because I do know myself well... and Excessiveness can be my particular weakness and flaw in ALL things... of the beings and the doings.   It doesn't take a lot of introspection for that to be obvious to me, I've always known it and attempted, sometimes in vain, to Control it and keep things more Balanced and Centered.  I can get off-kilter very easily and swing from one extreme to the other if I'm not Careful and Mindful of that tendancy.
 
 



You see, I used to be obsessive about my Home and how it was kept... and now I've swung in the other direction and that state of Being has diminished to the point of needing to swing back again at least halfway so that things are more Orderly and Acceptable to me.   It's a particular Challenge to negotiate that Plan around a Family that creates much of the Chaos and disorder, but I've found that tired resignation or simply giving up is not the answer either.  Though I must say, there is some Freedom in not Caring so much about the Condition of the Housekeeping... and finding ways to make less Work in the Maintaining of it all!
 
 

 
 
It is after all my Home and I'm in Charge of what is here... or not... as the head Cook and Bottle Washer!   The one whose in Charge of both trivial and important things that keep the Household running. *Smiles*   So how it 'Is' eventually comes down to how I make it so.   And I'm currently in the Process of making it so much easier on me, which is indeed very Liberating!  *Winks* 
 
 


And as Time continues to march on I am beginning to have more Peace about just letting go of what I used to be or used to do and just 'Be'... right here and right now... Living in the Moment... and Savoring it for all that it Presently Is.
 
 

 
 
Knowing that as some doors close others eventually open... and we can walk thru them... or not... but we can at least peek inside before we decide and satisfy some Curiosity as to what's on the other side.
 

 
 
Post Easter Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian


9 comments:

  1. I used to post three times a week, now it is two or three times a month. I never expected some of the things that have happened to me in life, but they came and somehow I coped (like we all do). We never know about tomorrow, we just have to make the most of today.

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  2. What a poignant post.

    The frequency of our posting on blogs naturally varies depending on what else is happening in our lives. It's best to organically allow it to occur and not force it.

    I know what you mean about the limitations of aging which often arrive unexpectedly. Again, go with the flow. If we can only enjoy the conception of activity because actual execution is too difficult, then savor what you can. As long as our minds still work, life is worth living.

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    1. I couldn't have said it better than Shybiker, so ... 'ditto what he said.'

      Let's hope my mind isn't the next thing to go. ;)

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  3. OMG Dawn, you really touched my heart with this post! You see, I´ve been following your blog for years but never commented before because it´s rather difficult for me to express myself in English, which is not my native language; however today I think it worths the effort, since while reading I felt as if I was looking at myself in a mirror (I even broke into tears in certain points!) There is so much Peace and Wisdom emerging through your words... and the photos are simply wonderful -as always, I have to say!- Thanks for sharing your thoughts and reflections with us, one never knows how far our little light may shine... Send you warmest hugs and a million blessings from Uruguay.
    Love,
    K.

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    1. You expressed yourself Beautifully and Eloquently Kassandra! And I'm glad you weighed in on the topic that perhaps so many of us can relate to. Blessings... Dawn... The Bohemian

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  4. I understand completely! Our lives change! We are purging around here too! I always look forward to your posts though and will miss the frequency of them! You are so good at expressing your yourself thru the good and the bad! A real talent! Blessings on you as you move ahead in the uncharted course!

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  5. Sounds like you're finding your "sweet spot" and learning to love it..... :)

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  6. As someone who has experienced so much of what you are feeling...hang in there, Dawn. Your words really touched me this morning. We have to show up in our lives...for the good and the bad and all the in between. You are doing all of that and more.

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  7. Well said!..Love this posting..so many of us are at that place in life..we were movers and shakers..kicking butt in life and getting things done..now it is simply okay to live in the moment and enjoy and watch what we have accomplished...We will see what lies ahead...good l believe and at a slower pace and that just "OKAY"!! ...THZ..Love your reads! :)

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A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl