Wednesday, March 19, 2014

The 'Blue' Silver Anniversary

"The 25th Anniversary Milestone calls for a Major Celebration. Known as the Silver Anniversary, the 25th calls for anything from sterling silver and diamond jewelry..."
I got that partial Quote off the Internet under a Generic Search for Silver Anniversaries and the Symbolism and Celebration that typically accompanies them.  Yesterday was our Silver Anniversary... but it was more the 'Blue' Silver Anniversary since I couldn't help but Feel very disappointed and well... 'Blue'.   You see, we had always talked about the 'Special' Celebration we would have and I was Promised when the big Milestone one of Twenty-Five Years came up.  We were Supposed to Celebrate it with a Second Honeymoon by going back to Hawaii where we had our First Honeymoon.  Clearly, that was something to look forward to since Vacations have been scarce... well, really non-existant actually for many Moons now for me... and The Man's annual Hunts don't count since I never went on them and to me Roughing it and Hunting is NOT a Vacation.   

So I had been Patiently waiting for Twenty-Five Years to roll on by for that Promise to be Fulfilled and I always Imagined that is where we'd be spending our Silver Anniversary.  But then Life happened... and Clearly... with the circumstances we find ourselves in at this Season of Life, Raising another Generation along with The Man's Catastrophic Accident and Traumatic Brain Injury of 2013, and the slew of Medical Expenses which have ensued for them all, Hawaii was off the table.  And I could have been Okay with that if we had a Plan B to make it Feel like a Celebration at all and not just another day of Caregiver Drudgery and never-ending string of Medical Appointments and battling Insurances to Pony Up for what they're Supposed to Cover and aren't.

But... there were the two Medical Appointments, which took up most of the Morning and Afternoon of Said Anniversary... and the crappy Insurance still refusing to pay for any of Princess T's Pain Management Refills now and only a portion of the Reading Glasses Prince R now needs.  *Le Sigh*  And CPS calling to say the Original Caseworker no longer works for them.  No big Surprise there really with all the lack of Follow-Up and ensuing Complaints filed.  So, now we've been Assigned a new Caseworker... who, by the way, will be coming over to do everything all over again in an impromptu Required Visit... on the one day a Month I have my 'Girl's Day Out'... Swell!  At least I talked her into a later Visit on Thursday so I don't have to Cancel ALL my Plans and can still have a Morning Out so as not get any 'Me Time' for March.  But... back to the Silver Anniversary Non-Celebration... which I thought I might have a Measure of Control over... Silly me!

Now, The Man didn't even remember that it WAS our Anniversary, let alone which one it was and that it was already the Milestone One... but then, after his Brain Injury he doesn't remember anything really anyway, so I could Roll with that and just gently Reminded him of the Occassion.   Since only the Evening didn't have a slew of Medical Obligations to fulfill I suggested we TRY to make it seem like a Special Day after getting everyone to their Appointments and me Dealing with the Insurances, by going out to Dinner somewhere Special.   Sure, it wouldn't be the least bit Romantic with the Entourage of the G-Force in tow, but I could Roll with that too, I'm very Flexible at this point just to try to Salvage the day at all!?!

But, Princess T is still fussy with her throat and eating, due to the Surgery, which still limits her intake somewhat 'til she's Healed.   Prince R had a Social Engagement at the Church for a Spring Break Activity he was Enrolled in and was dead set on Attending... and he's Bipolar Fixated on that.   And The Man was deep into his NCIS Marathon 'Rain Man' Style and really wasn't keen on leaving the house at all and being out in Public around People because he claimed he didn't Feel Good enough to.  *Le Sigh*  Okay, so how far down on Compromising and Salvaging an Anniversary should I go I'm now Wondering?  I'm Flexible and all that, but this is getting Ridiculous!!!   None of them really wanted to eat at all, which wasn't an Option because I knew that wouldn't last all Night... but... I did manage to talk the trio into Chicken Pot Pies and Mac-N-Cheese from KFC... you know, TRUE Silver Anniversary Cuisine!!!  {Insert me with the Thousand Mile Stare on my Face now because I've Shut Down completely so I don't Implode.}  Okay, so Truth be told, I don't even Care what they all eat now... so long as they eat something and I don't have to cook it on my Milestone Anniversary 'cause I'm Starving and Feeling really beyond disappointed now!

And before I arrive at KFC I stop by the Pharmacy to pick up a Sample of Princess T's Pain Management Meds that our Dear Regular Pharmacist is just Comping me because he is aware of our Plight and Hopes it buys us perhaps 48 more Hours of Pain Management before she runs out completely while we're Fighting the Insurance BS... and I run into a couple of Dealer Friends from our Antique Mall, Dan and Rita, who tell me about THE PEACOCK Mount that just came into the Mall that I gotta see to Believe!!!   Hey, since I didn't get an Anniversary Gift because my Savings have been depleted paying unexpected Medical Bills the Insurances won't cover... at least I can LOOK AT and PHOTOGRAPH what would be the Dream Silver Anniversary Gift to me... and is a 'Blue' I Love... Peacock Blue... instead of 'Depression Blue' which is all I got this Anniversary!!!

Yes, he was MAGNIFICENT and probably the most Beautiful Peacock Mount I have ever seen.  And on the Canvas of my Imagination I could certainly Envision him Living at Bohemian Valhalla.   And even tho' he was too Pricy given the Rarity of the Quality of this Specimen... I would have and could have had enough to get him for my Silver Anniversary IF it hadn't been Consumed by Medical Debt I shouldn't have ever had to pay for in the first place IF our Insurances were Covering what we were Promised they would Cover... and now don't or won't... so that just rubbed Salt in the Wound really. So I couldn't even Think along those lines... and just instead Concentrate on the Beauty before me and Capture it thru the Eye of my Lens to Share with you all... since I'm sure many of you might also Consider this a Dream Gift for a Milestone Celebration?

And I just had to get my Head in a Good Place where I was just Thankful for Twenty-Five Years of being Married to my Soul Mate and Best Friend.  Thankful for the Divine Protection that kept him Alive and brought him Home to me after each Tour of Duty in Wartime, which after his Thirty-Nine Years of Military Service in high Risk fields of Work and numerous Wars over the Decades is nothing short of a Miracle.   Thankful that when asked to take on the Full Responsibility of Raising my two Special Needs Children, since I was a 'Package Deal' Twenty-Five Years ago, he never balked or run like Hell... which most Men certainly would have... and he became Dad... not thru Blood but by Choice.   And became the Best Husband, Dad and Son-In-Law to us all... which given my Crazy Familia is no small feat I tell ya!  *Smiles*

And then, when two of our ten Grandchildren needed to be Raised by someone other than their Parents... Children that even at Birth would clearly have Special Needs too... he never gave it a second thought.  He was 100% on Board to fully shoulder that Responsibility by my side and Welcome them into our Home to be Nurtured and Raised to Adulthood, whatever it took... even tho' by now he was Medically Retired and 100% Service-Related Disabled himself.   He has Survived more than most Human Beings and even more than most Machines could... and so if spending his Silver Anniversary eating a Chicken Pot Pie from KFC in front of the TV watching his NCIS Marathon was all that he wanted and would be Content with, in all Honesty, he Deserves it... and more... and I have to be Okay with that because I Love him Unconditionally and he and the Love we Share are the Reason for our Celebration after all!!!    And when I came Home with the Images of THE PEACOCK he said what I knew he would, "I'd buy it for you Honey if I could...", and he would, I can Trust and Believe that Fact, because he has always Spoiled me rotten... and the Kids... and the G-Kids... because he's a Godly Family Man to his very Core.
So no, it was not the Silver Anniversary of my Dreams... and I was disappointed and 'Blue' until I could shake it and Remember what I SHOULD be Thankful and Grateful for... and Old Promises had to be broken because they simply could no longer be Entertained or Fulfilled... and there was no Romantic Dinner or Time Alone with my Beloved... and no Anniversary Gift except his Love... and that is Enough.  And I realize and am Gently Reminded that I am a Truly Blessed and Highly Favored Woman and everything IS as it Should Be.  

 And sometimes in the Writing of my Posts, which are always Spontaneous and from the Heart, since I never know what I'm going to Write about as I sit down and just Open my Soul for what will come out... is when I can come Full Circle and back to Center again and have a Peace beyond Understanding.  Because my Thoughts and Words have been Acknowledged, Released and become Visible to me on the Page in front of me.  And if I have a Wounded Spirit it has been Confessed and allowed to Heal instead of fester.  Very often Providing Therapeutic Healing Touches like a Good Medicine.   And perhaps can also Minister to and Touch the Heart or Soul of others 'Going Through' and who came for a Blog Visit... whatever it might be you're up against as 'Life Happens' and Wrestling with in your Situation?!?  Or maybe just being Thankful you don't have a Situation right now to have to Deal with?!? 
Blessings, Peace and Love to you from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian


  1. Oh you precious Dawn! I hurt with you!! Life does get in the way for sure! Who knows maybe somehow, someway That Blue Silver Anniversary Gift will come to live with you! You are such a natural at expressing your inner thoughts! God Bless You as you do it!

  2. It's good to see that writing this blog blesses you as it does your readers. What a wise woman you are, dear Dawn, to remind us to count our blessings -- especially when viewing Life in a blue light.

  3. What a beautiful, sad, happy, gut wrenching post....thanks so much for sharing your story Dawn, special blessings to you and your family for your 25th anniversary.....the peacock is magnificent!!!


A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl