Saturday, February 1, 2014

Yes... It Was A Good Day Today...

*Most Beautiful Images Today taken at my Friend Shelly's Shop RUST AND ROSES in Phoenix before I got Sick*
Yes... now that I'm not feeling so much like Death warmed over as I did the first day out of the Hospital... and I'm not quite as overwhelmed about all of the immediate changes and figuring out how to properly administer all the meds and injections to myself... it was a Good Day Today.  The Test Machine they'd given me for Home was faulty and that had created a lot of stress last Night to be sure... feeling so Sick and having to read mounds of literature and trouble shooting booklets as well as the visual of all these Medications splayed out across the table like a Pharmacy, I felt like a Hot Mess!  And like I felt like soaking all that in and doing lotsa bedtime reading... NOT!!! 
  But once I realized it wasn't me screwing it all up... and they replaced the Machine with one that works today, I had more of a Peace about what my levels actually were instead of winging it by how I merely felt.  Figuring out the Injections was not so hard, but giving them to myself was not something I relished... especially since I wasn't sure I knew what I was doing... but I woke up this Morning so something must have gone right!  *LOL*  And my first order of the day was to go Grocery Shopping and buy Organic, Fresh and Diabetic Friendly foods to nourish myself with that had been suggested by the Hospital Dietician.  That part was effortless and actually Enjoyable, I do Love Fresh Wholesome Foods, I just didn't want to have to look at Food as the devil, since clearly, one HAS to eat!  My experience in the Hospital had been nerve wracking since they had been unable to stabilize me and every time I ate anything at all I ended up with stats in the 349-489 range!

You see, I'm such a Control Freak that I like to THINK that I have a Measure of Control over my own Body and Health to some degree.  So, if two kinds of Insulin Meds, eating Healthy and portion control might not bring the numbers down sufficiently I was Concerned... very Concerned.  Because I know the collateral damage Diabetes does to the rest of the body and mine was already trying to just shut down from all the work to combat it.  I'd also seen those poor Souls who had lost limbs and gone blind from Insulin damage... or worse... so I didn't wanna be that Gal!  Caregivers need all their limbs and eyesight... I also need to at least feel close to 100% and running on all cylinders... and clearly I was NOT anymore.  I needed to get things lined up and my ducks in a row before The Force and The Man finally came Home, so Time was of the Essence.  There was only that one Night to have a Pity Party and Rage against Illness that have overtaken me!  Then it was Business as usual and pull it together and hold it down...

Thankfully The Son and Family had arranged lots of Entertainment for the ever growing G-Kid Posse at their House... since there was a Birthday to Celebrate at Dave And Busters... Shopping... and a Super Bowl Party to attend, so as you can see, they hardly missed us!  *Smiles and Whew, what a Relief they were having a Big Time instead of being Stressed out and overly Worried!*  But Holy Brady Bunch Batman!!!  *LMAO*  I'm pleasantly surprised to see The Son and his Girl looking so chipper... 'cause I have had more than a couple of frantic calls from him when The Force was... well... being The Force and His Girl was at Work!  *Winks*  He works Days and she works Second Shift so they've got everyone covered... but that sure is a lot of kiddos, three of them being Teens with all those raging Hormones making them Wacko... two of them being little Divas in Training... and LOTS of Estrogen in that house for Prince R and his Uncle to deal with!!!  *LOL* 

But Rolling with it Well they are... and I'm so Grateful they took them for five days while I was Hospitalized and for a couple of days after I got sprung from the Cardiac Unit... because I definitely needed some recuperative time to get things feeling more Normal for me and not feel so close to Death... which, Honestly, I really did... it ain't no fun!  If I didn't get my second wind I wondered how on earth I'd even look after myself, nevermind a house full... so I was Jazzed today when I felt more like a Healing was possible and I got my stats down to 179... which, yes, is still high, but it ain't almost 500 so I'll take it!  AND I was able to get those numbers AFTER eating my new regimen of meals I'd gone Grocery Shopping for today!  I'm a self-professed Foodie so that was good news indeed, not to have to avoid eating lest it kill me!  *LOL*

I tell you what I don't like about Diabetes in particular... you can't avoid eating Food or Drinking in order to Live... so it's not as if it's something that you can just give up to regain Health... you HAVE to eat and drink.  So... if your body decides to go to the far side and really haywire in the process of converting food to energy, you're pretty screwed if diet and medical intervention don't work effectively to right it.   I can give up almost anything if I was told I needed to for Health and Well Being reasons.  But how does one contemplate giving up Food?  Humnnnn... and therefore I was really nervous if regulating Diet and taking all these Meds didn't cut it... and SO relieved when it began to FINALLY bring levels down where it hopefully wasn't destroying all my internal organs and making them want to shut down and leave the building!  Besides, I don't want Food to be the Enemy... I Like Food!  *Winks*

Regulating Diet has been not so difficult really... since I lost over 60 lbs. a few years ago doing Nutrisystem and the Diabetic Dietary Suggestions for eating are so similar to that Plan I was on for over a year and a half and didn't feel at all deprived in the Process.  I can be disciplined when I need to be... I just don't often choose to be if it's not necessary, I'm lazy like that sometimes and I do like Good Food, Food that wasn't even Forbidden for a non-Diebetic... but I can get Serious in a heartbeat too and make Lifestyle Changes that need to be made... whatever the reasons... I'm good at adaptation and improvising to meet a Need... I've done it for Decades.   This is just another Lifestyle Change we will be incorporating now... and why not... things have been a Life and Game Changer since The Force were born and The Man got sick and then had a catastrophic accident and brain injury... so Dietary Changes are a walk in the park compared to all that.

I might not have a very Healthy Heart right now, but it is a Strong one, I've got a lot of Heart and I Go Hard for what I want or need to do to Succeed.  I was not in a position of strength when I came Home from the Hospital yesterday and I knew it... things had piled up to a degree that I felt suffocated and buried by it all.  There are so many other things I cannot talk about in the Land of Blog that add to the Stress and are too Private to Share, some of you have been perceptive enough to realize that what I do Share is only the tip of the Iceburg really. 
And I must say that any Catastrophic Accident in and of itself is a Litigation Nightmare as well as a Medical and Life Altering one.  I'm having to deal with it all since The Man can't... he can't even remember his Accident or assist our Attorneys to give his side, so he really has no Voice about what happened, or didn't happen... it's a complete void for him and that complicates things.  We still haven't finalized the Case with Princess T's injuries from the Accident The Son and Family were in... so having two Cases running simultaneously... even tho' I do have a background in Legal Fields... is Heavy, Time consuming and so freakin' Annoying!   Along with VA and DES paperwork for The Man and the kids to receive their Care... Legal Paperwork for both Accidents... and trying to get the Custodial Issues resolved so Princess T can finally have her Surgery... well, I'm buried in Legal Paperwork more than I was when I was working in my Corporate Lives doing it for a Living!!!  Only this time I ain't gettin the big bucks so I'm not as motivated to put up with anything or do more than I am required!  *Smiles*   I just want it all behind us so we can move forward without all these Battlefronts to receive Justice!

And therein was the other dilemma for me since the Docs assessed that Stress is causing most of my Health Issues... YA THINK?!?!  And really, how does one eliminate Stress that is Created by Circumstances beyond your Control or People that you Dearly Love?  Yeah, that's a tough one... so I'm also drawing up a new improved Game Plan for my own Point of Need to Create more Time or at least more Relaxation or the Feeling of it, daily, to help alleviate Stress that cannot be eliminated completely.

I have lotsa Plans in place and many of them can be done at Home, which is convenient given I can't get out very much when everyone is finally Home.   The Man's Hospital stay has been extended because now they feel he needs Back Surgery again... which isn't such a Surprise given he's had this huge lump on his spine since the Accident, but we needed to get him Stronger and somewhat rehabilitated before subjecting him to more Major Surgeries post-trauma.  I haven't been allowed to visit with him yet, but we talk by Phone and I try to Encourage him... because I know due to his Brain Injury he's as Scared and having as much Separation Anxiety as a Child and needs equal Comforting Emotionally.  I don't want him to regress on account of the recent Hospitalization because he's made such remarkable Progress since being able to come Home.  It is also heart wrenching to see my big strong Man so vulnerable of mind and body now that Brain Injury has taken away who he was and replaced him with someone different, but still as Lovable, only more Childlike and Sensitive.

I know that even once the G-Kid Force are finally grown, I shall always have a Child-Man in the household to Care for... but the Blessing with me getting Sick is that now I need him in a way that he KNOWS I still do and is rather happy... not that I'm Sick mind you... but that he's NEEDED and can help LOOK AFTER ME TOO!!!  Like he's always been used to... looking after and taking good Care of his Family.  So there is somewhat of a Silver Lining in this Dark Cloud that has overcast our Lives again... there always is if you look hard and long enuf at it.

Even someone, a situation or something raggedy can still be Beautiful you know... just in a different way... and if you have an Eye for it, perhaps in a Profoundly more Beautiful way that defies the Conventional Beauty everyone else tends to seek in the quest for Perfection... which will often leave them Empty and Eternally Wanting... since few things measure up to Perfection.  And really aren't ever as Interesting and don't have as much of a Back-End Story to them anyway as someone or something that Shows it has had a lot of Life already and probably a Story to tell.  A Story that goes along with every Imperfection, every flaw, every scar, every missing piece.

After seeing these Beautiful HUGE Rustic Raw Cotton Grapevine Wreaths with Burlap Bows at Shelly's Shop I'm reminded of how the making of something Raw and Rough can bring about Transformation and absolute Beauty to behold... it probably isn't easy to put it together without some prickly situations and scratches in the Creation of it due to the Resources available... but it can be done and have a Good Result.

I Plan to go out as soon as I feel well enough and gleen some Raw Cotton from the Harvested Fields around our Community and Create such a Wreath for our Front Door because it is so very Symbolic to us right now and what is going on inside to Transform ourselves and our Home... gleening what we have left rather than focusing upon what has been Lost and cannot be recovered.

Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian


  1. Can't decide which I'd buy first -- the cotton wreath or the gorgeous chandelier! As you point out with the eye of your camera, they're both beautiful albeit of different degrees of refinement.

    It's good to read you've still got reserves of images to share with readers, and reserves of strength to share with loved ones. You've had a nasty shock, and you need time to settle back down on your foundations.

    You plucked a nerve with your remark about the paperwork associated with caregiving. Me, I coped with the parents' files every Sunday afternoon. Me, a pot of tea, the cats serving as paperweights, and the Brandenburg Concerti, dum dum dum da tinkle dum! Music helped.

  2. I hurry to my computer each day to hear from you! I so worry you will leave us stranded, not knowing what's going on! I don't know how you do it, but even with the worst of circumstances you can write them in to a most interesting & inspiring post! So glad your getting straighten out on your blood sugars. Yes the cotton/grapevine wreath will be perfect for your front door, and so fun to make! Keep up the fight! Your so good at it!

  3. Sending get well wished, Dawn. You will soon be on those tippy toes again, junkin' and having fun. You have a great sense of humor, going through all this. Keep it up. xo Rhonda

  4. I think you're amazing, Dawn. If what you're sharing on your blog is only the tip of the iceberg, I don't know you managed to go this long without falling into a sniveling heap on the floor. I know I sure would have. I truly hope things will start looking up for you, soon. ❤


A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl