Tuesday, August 27, 2013

The Fall Down The Rabbit Hole

Okay, so the Babysitting gig with the Church Lady didn't work out... but for entirely different reasons than I expected.  Prince R came down with severe stomach cramps again that kept him out of School... and the School Nurse called later the same day to ask me to pick Princess T up because she'd developed Pink Eye!!!  *Le Sigh* 

 It's Okay, they were having major anxiety attacks about being babysat by a stranger anyway, so now we don't have to deal with that added layer of Stress for them or I.   And since The Man cannot remember for more than a few minutes that I visited him anyway, he certainly won't remember that I missed an extra scheduled visit.

But since there was a major setback, I had wanted and needed to make extra visits to the Hospital... but that will be off the table now that Princess T has something contagious she has to have time to recover from.  Thankfully her Pediatrician got her in right away and she's a Trooper about any medications she has to take since that has been her usual routine since birth, so eye drops are no flash point in administering.
  And the Hospital Social Workers are great about updating me by phone about The Man and assisting me with dealing with the myriad of details mounting up in his care and projected care. He's had a Social Worker for every floor he's been on, so I practically have a Team of Social Workers now that have become my Posse with all the constant ups and downs in his condition.

And I had a brief lapse in judgment as Prince R and his Therapist convinced me that since he's now Thirteen I could probably leave him home alone for a brief time to take his Sister to her Doctor Appointment and sign some Paperwork at his Doctor's Office, so I wouldn't be dragging an extra Sick Kid along... they were wrong... apparently I can't! 

I came Home to the front door hanging open and him nowhere to be found... we thought he'd been abducted!  Princess T was more upset about that than I thought, considering they never get along, apparently she doesn't really want to be an Only Child in the household after all?  Thankfully, he'd just gone next door to the Salvation Army Church's After School Program, with his PJ's on and tussled hair, in typical Albert Einstein Fashion, to update them on his day... and I found him right away and unceremoniously brought him Home!  *Whew*  Okay, so we won't be doing that again anytime soon... or at least not until he turns Eighteen and I can Emancipate him!  My Heart and Wrecked Nerves can't take it!
Clearly you can see how this Single Grandparenting Thing has the complexities of a Victorian Hedge Maze and is akin to a fall down the Rabbit Hole into Wonderland... and not in a Good way!  But, we'll roll with it... since we have no other choice in the matter... and can't seem to keep anyone but me healthy in this household. 

Yes, I choose to Imagine I'm perfectly healthy anyway... in body, mind and Spirit... leave me be with that Illusion, Okay, even tho' I may be acting Mad as a Hatter and physically Feeling my Age more than usual with all this added Drama unfolding like a Bad Play or TV Soap Opera!!!

Oh, and remember how the Hospital suggested I Designate a Family Spokesperson so I wouldn't have to make a bajillion calls individually to the extended Family and Friends with updates about The Man so everyone can be adequately Informed without distressing me even more? 

Well, apparently said Spokesperson has gone somewhere out of range where the calls can't be received... Splendid... but I'm not re-designating, I don't have it in me... I'm just leaving Voicemail and he can deal with the potential backlash of that decision to be unavailable at a critical time.  If backlash were to come my way I am quite certain I would lose my whole Christian Witness in a heartbeat responding to it and go straight Apache on whoever is foolish enough to go there with me right now?!?  I don't care anymore to stroke anyone's Feelings, Emotions or deal with their Hysteria... I'm too Raw myself so I'm not in the Mood.

Crooky recently found himself left out in a torrential Storm and he became a Hot Mess in the Process of Dealing with it... caked in Mud and more than a lil pissed at his discomfort... I can relate to Crooky right now... Nice Dawn has left the building!  I'll only be Nice until someone gives me a reason NOT to be... then it won't be a Good day to be them either.  *LOL*
  Yes, I confess freely, I DO have my Dark Side, developed over many years in the Industry during my Corporate Lives.  Dealing with a Good Ole' Boy Network as a Female Corporate Officer, back in da day when Equal Rights and Respect for Women in the Workplace was a joke... as they say, we've come a long way Baby! But Dark Dawn, well, she's still alive and Well, so she can be Resurrected quite easily if Played wrong and anyone wants to have her come out and Play?!?  Fair Warning!  *Winks*
I remember when the Malls used to have those T-Shirt Shops where you could get all kinds of kitschy sayings emblazoned on them... The Man said he was gonna get me this one to wear to Work:
"I'm not A Bitch, I'm THE Bitch... and that's Mrs. Bitch to you!"  *Smiles*
And I was gonna get him this one to wear to Work:
"Marine Corps. Sniper... Don't run or you'll just die tired!"  *Winks*
I wish we'd gotten those Shirts actually because it became our little inside joke when anyone unduly Tested us, mistaking Niceness for Weakness.  *LOL*  We'd just glance at each other and know we were thinking about those sayings!!!  *Smiles*  

 Yes, we're very Nice people, on Purpose... I think you have to be Nice on Purpose and Intentionally, especially when you aren't dealing with Lovely situations or people being Unlovely at the time.  It Tests your Restraint... mine is just worn quite thin right now so the Nice in me is paper thin for those who become Unlovely towards me at this time. You'd be surprised how often when you're 'down', there will be those that think it would be Opportunistic and an Ideal time to Attempt to bully you, push their Agenda or make demands... because they Assume you'd be at your weakest point, easy to Exploit and particularly vulnerable.  For me that would be a dire miscalculation on their part since Nice Dawn steps aside... oops, now you've got Dark Dawn!  *LOL*  Yeah, definitely wrong door to open and step thru!
 Yep, there have already been some that chose THAT Door with me during this exceptionally difficult time... and I felt so much better after unleashing on them actually, they were Good Therapy unawares!  Cheaper than Therapy actually... so bring it on!  *Winks*  I doubt that they will though, once is usually enough and that's Okay, because I have Zero Tolerance for the Unlovely and the Difficult or High Maintenance People when I'm already going thru too much, it's an Annoyance I don't need or desire.  I barely Tolerate them on a Good Day, Life is too short to and they are typically Stressors for others.
The fall down the Rabbit Hole has really been quite the tumble this time around, just when you think you've finally hit the bottom and arrived, you free fall again... damn, this Rabbit Hole was deep and scary on the way down!
And who knew it would be the Velveteen Rabbit's Hole on my way to Alice's Wonderland?  And I can't help but think about the Skin Horse's Wisdom and Advice:

The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath, and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces. He was wise, for he had seen a long succession of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger, and by-and-by break their mainsprings and pass away, and he knew that they were only toys, and would never turn into anything else. For nursery magic is very strange and wonderful, and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced like the Skin Horse understand all about it.  "What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"  "Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."  "Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.  "Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."  "Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"  "It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."  "I suppose you are real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled.


I agree with the Skin Horse... being Real is a Process over Time... but definitely worth the Experience to get there and 'Become'...
*Most Beautiful Images taken at my Friend Shelly's Shop RUST AND ROSES in Phoenix*
Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian


  1. Oh you sweet spirit.....I can only send you warm positive thoughts at your time of great stress. I am so happy to hear that you are putting your foot down and shoulders back and telling people how it is. You just don't have the energy to coddle anyone else right now.


  2. ...LOL!!.."yOUR bOEMIAN rANT"..."Thats okay"..."your just keeping it real"! ...'sending love and and positive thoughts'...

    1. Glad you appreciated my Dark Humor and keeping it Real Victoria... a Good Rant is always a welcome relief when the Soul feels a bit Tortured!

      Dawn... The Bohemian

  3. Oh Dawn.....you definitely have not lost your sense of humor! For that I am so glad. Hang in there....this too shall pass.




A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl