Friday, February 1, 2013

The Sombre Post ~ A Mixed Bag Of A Day

(Princess T showing off what she Won at the Salvation Army After~School Program.)
 
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I know I joke a lot about why I haven't taken down Christmas yet and it's already February 1st and the Tree is still up and the Christmas Village is still on the Mantle.  But the Reality is really no joke and its not really just because I can't be bothered and am lazy.  Since just before the Holidays we've been dealing with significant Health Crisis within the Family involving both G-Kids and The Man... and my Mom in the Nursing Home in Cali too.  The Man is having significant Post-Surgical Complications and has taken several bad falls in the past couple weeks... Mom's complications are Age and Health related... Prince R's are Emotional & Behavioral Health related... and Princess T's are Chronic Respiratory Health related.  And all of it has been exceedingly Stressful as it piles up and I've just got that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach now... as I'm helpless to 'fix' any of it... and must just be Still and keep the Faith, it is all out of my hands and I must Trust the Lord's outcome.  As I await that outcome I feel rather numb and keep busy... which is much easier really than 'Feeling' and doing nothing.
 
 

 
Yesterday it was Princess T's turn to see her Pulmonologist again... and though she's been seeing Respiratory Specialists since Birth and has always had significant Respiratory issues, I had wanted to Believe she was getting better, stronger... because it seemed as though she didn't need as many visits or treatments or medications as in the past.  But this Winter has been different and she's been very, very sick and couldn't seem to bounce back.  This visit and the Doc's prognosis Yesterday was grim and much worse than we expected, so it was a devestating blow.  She's a Trooper and a real Tough Kid with a Strong Spirit, she's had to be... and Thankfully she's still too young to grasp the magnitude of it all and so we have to put on our Happy Faces and make the treatment rituals and appointments as nonchalant as we can so that it just becomes her Norm and no Big Deal.  But in spite of Oscar worthy performances it is IS a Big Deal... and I'm very Concerned, I don't know what to do, what to think or how to feel about it and it's scary, but I don't want her to sense our fears.  I want her to keep enjoying being a Kid and have no Worries or Fear... it is vital to her Healing to continue to have a Positive Outlook and focus on Living Life fully.  Only now she'll have to take a lot more medications than before and will be up to seven breathing treatments a day, every three hours around the clock... and some comprehensive tests that will require a Hospital Stay with one of us staying at the Hospital with her... that one of us will very likely be me since The Man is also very, very sick.  I had wanted to Believe he was getting better, stronger too... especially after going through yet another Major Surgery... but he's not.  And his Frailty scares me... he's never been a Frail or Fragile Type of Guy.  Who knew I'd be Thankful for Menopausal Insomnia... it's gonna actually come in handy since there won't be much uninterrupted Sleep going on for a while.
 
 
(Prince R with the 4th or 5th Instrument he's learned to play... and strongly Protesting being Photographed by a Proud Gramma sitting in the front row. LOL)
 
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And then there's the Young Prince and his Issues and treatments and meds... his is not the type of Ailment or Prognosis you Heal from and so I've come to accept and deal with it... much like I had to learn to with his Mother before him... and just express Unconditional Love in the midst of dealing with a Loved One battling the Trials of Mental Health conditions.  It's even hard to type that actually... because the words Mental Health still have such Social Stigma and Bias attached to those Ailments and the Labels... and a lot less public Compassion.  But thats the way it is and since it can often be a hidden Disability... those battling it and their Families often hide and conceal it purposefully so as not to suffer discrimination and further alienation.  And we deal with the Bad Days of the Illness as best we can... and Celebrate the Good Days and try not to hold those Good Days against them... since the Bad Days are always coming and just around the corner, often turning on a dime.  So trying to fathom, make sense of, make rhyme or reason out of why some Days are Good or Bad will just make YOU feel crazy.   If you ever saw Jack Nicholson in the Movie "As Good As It Gets" his character aptly portrayed the dichotomy of a person struggling with a form of Mental Health related Issues, the Gifts and the demons.  So I just savor Joy in the Good Days... and it was probably a good thing that after the exhaustive grim News of Princess T's Health that the Young Prince had his big Band Concert after School and it was to be one of his Good Days... so it put some Balance back into the Day... the Good and the Bad melding so that at least it wasn't all Bad.  
 
 
 
 
And he didn't mind that his Grandpa and Sister had to stay Home on account of Illness and miss his Big Day... it gave him a Good Story to re-tell when we got Home.  And we stopped by to throw some Inventory in Gramma's Showroom and Loft Spaces.   And visit with another Old Trooper, the Mall Mascot Max... a Golden Retreiver long in years and extremely Arthritic, but who still Greets everyone with such Affection and Joy... another Indomitable Inspiring Spirit.  And I take great Comfort in that... to see Fur Babies and Children Cope with whatever Life hands them in a Pure and Carefree way that just Celebrates Living in the Moment... without a Care about what Tomorrow may hold... and that is Great Peace and Great Gain when you can Manage and Master that Attitude and Outlook as a Human Adult... I'm trying... I'm just not quite there yet...
 
Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian  


4 comments:

  1. Wish I had the "perfect" words or magic wand to wave over your household. But such as I have, give I you - my prayers for you, your husband, and the G-kids.

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  2. Your family is going through such hardships that could bring a weaker person to their knees. You are right in taking in all the good moments and rejoice in them. We all pray that things will get better for all concerned. Take care of yourself also, they all need you.

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  3. I appreciate you speaking so openly about these difficulties, as I too battle with similar worries. Your strength is inspiring! You are strong.

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  4. Goodness me but you are in the thick of it my friend. Your positive attitude is truly to be admired! I am so glad you have your store and pursuits to keep your mind off other more difficult things. I think that is so very important. If you don't distract you just absolutely drown in depression and worry! Sometimes all you can do is keep on keeping on... and go... SHOPPING! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, the Prince, Princess and the Man too. Hang in there kiddo!
    Much love,
    Tricia

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A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl