Friday, October 5, 2012

A "Dark" Post... Due To Bad News

The Topic of this Post has absolutely nothing to do with Halloween... but I'm using our Home's Halloween Decor for the Visuals because there are no Images for the real Topic... Bad News.
And a "Dark" Topic Post might as well have a more Macabre and "Dark" set of Images anyway, so I'll go with it since my Mood isn't really very light right now anyway & my Heart is heavy.  And yet... I still see Beauty amid the Ashes & Darkness... which is a 'Gift' I don't take lightly.
You see, The Man had another Medical Emergency and had to be rushed by Ambulance to the VA Hospital again and be admitted this Morning, we don't know for how long.  Even more serious complications from an already complex Surgery and Medical Situation.  And yeah, I knew there were major risks, possible setbacks and a very long road ahead of us... but nothing really prepares you for huge setbacks and Life altering Crisis as they unfold spontaneously.  So I'm off kilter... and seeking my Balance and holding onto my Peace.
Luckily at least his Medical Emergency waited until just after I'd gotten Home this Morning from dropping the Young Prince off at School and taking the Injured Princess for her 2nd Series of Comparison X-Rays from the probably broken arm. {It's not looking good so she'll probably end up in a hard cast by Tuesday's Appointment they said.}   I'm only good at Coping with Consecutive Crisis you see and not Concurrent ones.  Though to be sure if they were all spaced out more I'd be much more adept at holding it all down and keeping it together better without being as overwhelmed by the magnitude of Chronic Crisis in rapid succession.
It can Feel like swimming in a Pond full of these when you have Crisis on all sides and don't quite know where to turn or go!?  The Emergency Response Teams have been here so many times before for The Man's Health Issues... and seeing the Princess in a Soft Cast & Sling this time as they came in to get her Grandpa... well, they & the VA Crisis Intervention Gal on the Phone with us decided it was Time to Volunteer the National Caregiver Support Line Number for me to call and see if we can finally get more Help?!   And so that I might finally get some Caregiver Support and Encouragement of some kind, which is long overdue.  Caregivers out there know what I'm talking about... we get lost in the shuffle & usually aren't the focus of any Help for ourselves & how we're dealing & coping with it all... or NOT!
I really am Thankful for my Happy Little Bloggy Place to come to and wrestle with Issues by getting them into Words onto a Page, which really Helps with Perspective since I try to re-read my own Words Objectively, as if someone else wrote them.  To be able to freely Vent & Rant a bit when I need to have a Release is so much better than bottling it all up inside & risk implosion.  And to come for a Beautiful Respite when I can or need to, Balance Thoughts and receive all of the Positives that this Community provides and is Wonderful to Receive is Priceless... and yet it is for FREE!  That's HUGE!   Adding it to my Times of Meditation and Prayer makes for a Trifecta Win every time, so I try to spend some "Me Time" doing all three for at least a small portion of each day no matter what goes down! 
But I do know we need more than that in the Flesh and while we wait upon the Lord to Move on our behalf and give Direction and Provide, placing those in our Path that will be a Blessing and a Present Help in times of Trouble, I know that the little Distractions and Pleasures are a reminder of the Beauty & Joy in Life that should be Savored and Appreciated.  It is a Strength Tactic that I often use... when pressed above measure and beyond strength, look to the Lord, His Word and then outwards towards ANYTHING of Beauty and Appreciation He Created so that Faith & Perspective remains intact.

Maybe that is why I find it easy to find Beauty and something to Appreciate even in the "Dark" things... the Macabre... the Decay... the Forgotten... the Ruins... the Oddities and stuff that others might even be repulsed by... because I've had to enough that I realize that even in Darkness and less than the Perfect or Ideal there can still be something worth Salvaging or looking upon with a different Perspective than might be usual or even always comfortable or considered the norm. 
And I find that it transcends Generational barriers... because after Witnessing Grandpa being whisked off yet again in Serious Medical Crisis... Princess T stayed Stoic and Strong alongside me... and after a Reflective Pause she says, "Gramma, lets make something Beautiful now out of what other People would throw away or be Weirded Out by..."   And we set about doing just that...
Because faced with ugly Circumstances or Broken-ness beyond our Control and Power to fix...  we still have the Option of making something Beautiful out of what is Left.  What is still Intact... like the random Barbie Heads she brought to me now from all the terribly broken bodies that are no longer functional and had to be thrown away... and the Parellels were not lost on me.
"There, we've made them Beautiful again haven't we... and wasn't it Fun Gramma?" she says as she stands back and Admires the handiwork of the little Barbie Head Vignette.  "Yes...", I replied.  And though I'm quite sure it could Creep folks out and the Beauty, Fun and Appreciation might not be there for them as viewed from various Perspectives... that's Okay ... each of us will View Life through the Filters we've developed through our own Unique Experiences and Hand we've been dealt.
I don't know what Tomorrow will bring... but I know we'll get through it some kind of way... and though the way may be Quirky, if it Works we Work It!
I have learned how to Embrace my Darkness as well as what has been Light and Easy to Embrace in Life.  It has been as much a part of me you see as the Brightest parts and it has made me who I am and was Purposed to Be.
Og Mandino: I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars.
I really Love that Quote because I can really Relate to it.
And I am Glad that as a Family Unit we have managed to Function within the parameters of whatever Experiences we must Endure and go Through.  And find the Beauty in the midst of some of the less than Lovely parts.  The Unusual Experiences you find yourself in that might just become your Normal so that Adaptation and Improvision is necessary to Survive and keep Positive Energy flowing even against Negative Energies and not change or contaminate who or Whose you are at your Core.
And if you remain Solid, even during the lowest of the lows, you will Change things... things won't Change you. 
And even when you're walking in Darkness you will Become the Light that helps to Illuminate the Way and draw others towards a Beacon extended to Light their Paths too.  Not many People really care or are impressed by what you say... but they almost always notice and are impacted by what you Do... especially under Pressure.  That's when you really come to know yourself too and will be confronted by how much of a Work in Progress we all still are!
We all go through some Darkness in Life and we all have our Dark Side... those Unlovely parts of ourselves that is less than our best and ain't pretty ... for some it's just more carefully concealed or not readily acknowledged, revealed except maybe in Private or challenged... but it's there.
That's the part of me that I really need to know and come to terms with, 'cause that Gal ain't no Saint! But do you think she'd really come out if there were no Test, or that she'd ever then have a Testimony to Share... something that would Promote Positive Change in her?  I doubt it... she'd probably stay hidden, suppressed, staying in the Shadows during the Light parts of Life and so there would be no way to get clarity and those healthy doses of Conviction that would promote Positive Change to be the very best person possible.  And the Delusion perhaps that there was no more work to be done on Self to have the best Life possible too and to be more compassionate and less judgmental towards others as they deal with their Lives.
The majority of us are but a Shadow of what we Could Be after all... in our various states of Broken-ness and Development.
And I rather like Halloween since it is a Reflection of some of the Darkness that Life can and does hold... and how each of us Deals and Copes with it will be varied.  Some have much Fear and Trepidation.   I was once told that Fear is lack of Faith in disguise... perhaps it is... but I think everyone has had to deal with certain amounts and doses of Fear in Life... it's a 'Given'.  I do think we can confront our Fears and react in Faith... which takes exercising the Faith and overcoming the Fear... a delicate Balancing Act that can often be.

Was I Fearful Today... you betcha... and I was concealing it so well that nobody seemed to really notice so they commented on my Calm.  And it was rather Ironic to see the Responders who obviously were put into a Fearful situation that might not have a good outcome and have some confess that it was a lot for them even during a brief interlude, which they would soon be done with.   I know they see and deal with a lot... but until it's you... and you're dealing with it Daily... it is quite different.
But I do think we each are given the Grace for our particular set of Circumstances.  Grace under Pressure perhaps, but Grace nonetheless.  And I try never to frustrate Grace... and so I do my best to meld with it and have the Essence of it inside of me for when it is most needed.  So that I don't have to reach down too deep to retrieve it.
And Today happened to be one of those Days... and perhaps Tomorrow will be too... only Time will tell...
Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian


  1. I'm so sorry to hear about this latest emergency. I will be keeping your family in my prayers.

  2. My Dear Dawn,

    I've been having trouble leaving comments on blogs, but just know that I have been following you and this post makes me feel so bad for you. You have carried the weight of the world on your shoulders for so long. I seriously don't know how you do it, day in and day out. I would be curled up in a ball somewhere. Just know that I'm thinking of you and I'm listening.

    Hugs, Joyce

  3. The best comes out of us when the worst happens. I was in a bad way with my mom last year (all year) and I seriously don't know how I got through it, but I did. I'll be thinking of you and sending healing thoughts and prayers.

    Fellow desert dweller

  4. I am thinking of you & I hope for the best!

    Hugs, Jenny

  5. Right now I just want to send you a big warm cyberspacehug all the way from Sweden!! Katta

  6. Sending lots of healing vibes to you and your family.

  7. Well, Dear, I for one think the Barbie head creation is beautiful. Big hugs for you, sweetie! ♥

  8. You are right, Dawn, about life being hard. I have been enjoying your blog so much and now I will be lighting a candle for you and your family.
    The way you chose to decorate this blog makes perfect sense and it is quite beautiful.


A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl