Friday, February 3, 2012

Fear... Flux... And Other F & Four Letter Words...


I knew that Title would grab your attention! *Winks*  And I'm keeping it Real for today's Post... because as my Dear Ole' Dad used to say... Nothing sorts people out quite like Trouble... and it sure has been sorting me out lately.


If you really want Clarity and a Revelation of anything unlovely still on the inside of you... have some extended Trouble where you feel pressed above measure and beyond strength... overwhelmed and under resourced... it will definitely come to the surface and leak out... or rush out like a flood... either way, it ain't pretty!


Today I wasn't pretty... the G-Kids were in a flux, fearful and upset because Grandpa had been Hospitalized yet again {and he wasn't cooperative in the process I might add ~ Le Sigh}... so they weren't being pretty either... in fact, they were being Beastly... so was I.  I definitely wasn't leading by example.  Fatigue, stress, too many back to back Crisis, uncooperative Loved Ones, sleepless Nights, appointments and intense Drama had apparently gotten down to raw emotion for us all.
  

I can hold it all down for a Time without cracking... but today was my defining moment of utter collapse and frustration.  Mother Teresa I am not... my Halo was slipping! *Winks*  I didn't want to do this anymore... I wanted to pass the baton... but to whom?  Yeah, then I remembered, this wasn't a relay race... no passing of the baton, I was "it"... and Life is like a box of chocolates... so run, Forrest, run...


Oh, and BTW it was also Picture Day for the Beast Princess and I almost forgot until we were halfway to School in her Uniform and had to turn back and start over because the Note had said No Green... Guess what color the Uniform Shirt was... yeah... you got it, Green as Grass! And as usual she was having a major Wardrobe Malfunction and Diva Moment... everything was apparently all wrong... the leggings, her hair, the clothes I picked out, ME!!!  Grandpa would have done it all much better she wailed, big fat tears streaming down her very flushed angry little face... I was totally rethinking the pre-payment of this Portrait Package! *LOL*  Nobody was cooperating & I was definitely at the end of my rope...


I had Flashback Images in my head of how Lovely she HAD looked on previous Picture Day... yeah, she was right, Grandpa would definitely have done this better... she didn't look anything like THIS today! *Smiles*  Quite frankly, I would have sent her out the door in anything... looking any which way at this point, just to get everyone loaded up and unceremoniously dropped off... because I needed a good cry and tantrum myself!  The Young Prince was loaded up like a Pack Mule with his Bell Kit in front that weighs half as much as he does... and his backpack on his back, which weighs half as much as he does... so his Teen Angst was in overdrive this Morning... the Pre-Teen Attitude was on Point... and I reminded him that Today was NOT the day to go there with Gramma! *Winks* 


This is how I was feeling... like a corpse dressed up as the Living, but definitely not feeling very much Alive or in the Fruits of the Spirit... and quite ashamed of myself actually.  Thankfully kids don't hold grudges, or maybe they just don't take me seriously when I have a Fit in response to being given a hard time, I dunno... 'cause by the time I dropped them off only minutes later... after my big "I've had enough of this running battle with you guys" Meltdown... they were blowing me kisses, saying I Love Yous, giving me a hearty thumbs up and waving madly with big grins on their faces as they traipsed off to Class... Holy Mother of God, now I REALLY felt convicted and like crap!!!  *Smiles*


I'm girding myself for their return Home, when we'll have to load everyone up directly after School and head into the City to the VA Hospital to see what is going on with Grandpa?  I'd had to bail on him at the ER in order to pick the G-Kid Force up from School yesterday and make it to the Young Prince's back-to-back Doctor appointments.  Since the VA Docs had told me they were admitting him anyway and had lots of tests to do... there was nothing I could do and my presence was just making him want me to take him Home, when that was obviously not an option.  Men don't do "sick" well... and I don't do "Florence Nightingale" well... so he was where he needed to be and I was extremely concerned about his condition deteriorating so rapidly again.  God Bless Medical Staff, you aren't Ministering to peeps at their best... the Patients or their Loved Ones!   Yep, Dad was right... Nothing sorts people out quite like Trouble...

Dawn... The Bohemian

5 comments:

  1. wow!!! you are definitly going to need a bubble bath!!!!

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  2. Some day's you just have to say "screw it"! You are entitled to melt downs, especially with what you have going on. Don't be too hard on yourself you can only do what you can do... so tell the G-force to pour you a bubble bath and bring you a shot of tequila (or drink of choice) it's gonna be a slow night!

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  3. My thoughts and prayers are with you for peace of mind and heart, and strength for the travels through this tough season.
    Take very good care.
    Always, Queenie

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  4. My dear blog friend... even Mother Theresa had bad grumpy melt down days, she was human, just like you. You really are a saint as I said in my last message to you. Hang in there and try super hard to carve out a couple of moments for you. Even if it is 10 seconds to go in the bathroom and breath deeply. Be gentle with your self... think of the advice you would give your bff and then take it for yourself. I will be sending you lots of love and light.
    Faerie and Angle Blessings,
    Tricia

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  5. With trouble, it seems that the Old Morton Salt motto is accurate: "When it rains, it pours!" Your "public" ls sympathetic, and I for one am praying for you, Dawn. If I lived closer, I'd take your "baton" for a few hours so you could have that bubble bath someone suggested before me...♥

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A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

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