Thursday, January 5, 2012

Avoidance ~ Being Present For Myself


I fully intended to start the Fresh New Year with renewed strength and Positive Energy... it didn't happen.


In fact just the opposite has happened, I feel totally spent from the events of 2011... it wasn't our best year.   And so 2012 began with The Man and I not feeling 100%... not even feeling 50% in fact.


And being the type of person that doesn't like to be out of commission, I didn't handle it very well... I didn't realize it as perhaps a Blessing in disguise... something forcing me to slow down... rest... regroup...


To realize I wasn't being present for myself and therefore I was depleted and running on empty and missing those things that usually renew, refresh and Inspire me... things that feed my Soul.


Simple things... Simplifying my Life... which had become much too full and complicated lately.


But, I didn't get that Revelation right away... it took some Time... agonizing Time in fact... I'm not patient for Revelations.  So... while I was waiting for that Rush of energy and renewed strength of body and Spirit I've been perfecting the technique of Avoidance... I'm actually getting pretty good at it... I'm a fast learner.


And though I didn't really want to begin the New Year not feeling well and in a funk or spending most of Day #1 in bed,  I did.  If the reason for that had been a rocking New Year's Eve Celebration it might have even made sense to me... but you know that not to be the case by a previous Post.  


I thought Day #2 would improve and be better... it wasn't... and by Day #3 it took me 'til Noon to get out of my Pajamas & into motion.  Was I depressed I wondered, I didn't know what was wrong with me!?  I got a lot done that could no longer be put off on my overwhelming long To-Do List, but then I was spent again.  This fatigue issue was becoming annoying and cramping my Style.


 And Life didn't appear to be waiting patiently either... with a host of things yet to do that had remained undone and I knew I should be tackling and keeping up on, I don't have it in me just yet.
 

 So this Avoidance thing has been working out pretty well as a brief respite of sorts and to get my mind off of everything not getting done, the Land Of Blog being a perfect destination to spend it in.  While I regain my strength and momentum... I just Hoped it doesn't take too long because things are stacking up, since the G-Kid Force is NOT out of energy or losing momentum and they seem 100% committed to their Agendas. *Le Sigh*


And The Man isn't up to more than a few hours a day of providing backup while I wrestled with whatever was sidelining me.  You've got to be ever vigilant with the G-Kid Force when they're on your Watch, these are High Maintenance kiddos with covert tactics.  All of the Aunties and Uncles have succumbed in fact... the ranks are thinning fast on the front line...


While I was briefly bedridden they apparently melted a nylon paintbrush's bristles... so I had to do a shakedown and confiscation of any potential fire starting tools or contraband they might have gathered under Grandpa's Watch!  The Old Marine doesn't stand a chance... even his Special Forces Training and years of Combat didn't prepare him for this... and lets face it, we're no longer in our prime... which puts us at a distinct disadvantage at times... *Winks*


And my intense Interrogation yielded nothing, everyone suddenly had developed selective amnesia and didn't know how said brush ended up with shriveled up bristles? Though there were certainly some interesting and Creative Theories and Stories presented... told almost as if they believed them... next stop, The Twilight Zone.  


 It does however now have an aromatic aroma reminiscent of my scented Candle nearby, which is never allowed to remain lit when I'm out of the room... allegedly it wasn't lit that whole day I was out of commission... but I think I can piece together the crime scene with my Investigation.  I'm just glad they didn't burn the house down while I rested... and so we once again had the "Fire Safety Talk".


So much for having Lavender Dreams and attempting a Nap to recuperate... at least until they go back to School.  But on a positive Note, even though I've grossly neglected our Garden, the seeds that Princess T won at the State Fair and sowed in October have all sprung forth and are now in Beautiful bloom.  And with our warmer weather returning our Cacti are blooming profusely too... and Flowers are like Medicine to the Soul and therapeutic... Note to Self: Spend more time in the Garden... the Revelation was taking form.


She had sown some of the seeds in the strangest and most unlikely of places, but they were thriving and their eclectic random placement, regardless of where they were "supposed to be", had made them appear less rigid, like Wildflowers. 


With as many growing outside of pots as in them and growing around any obstacles in their path. Beautifully embracing that which had been an obstruction and now was part of their growth, bending and shaping them like Living Art... growing through things and around things, adapting when they needed to and yet still in full Bloom, doing what they were meant to do in spite of less than ideal placement... it spoke to me in my Spirit. 


 I realized I wasn't blooming or growing well where I'm currently planted nor Nurturing myself with Creating Art and spending Time in Nature... getting back into my Spirit and Heart.  So my body and mind had responded by rebelling and shutting down... reminding me that being present for myself is fuel to keep going forward and in sync with my Rhythm and deeper Purpose of Being rather than just doing. 


And I can't wait to see what else springs forth from the informal Garden my Grand-Daughter established in her innocence and just sowing with abandon and Joy to allow whatever would grow to flourish where ever it landed... as Wild, Beautiful and carefree as the one who planted them! *Winks*

Dawn... The Bohemian 

6 comments:

  1. Dear Dawn, It sounds like you've slowed down enough to recognize some of the sources of your fatigue/depletion. You have so many extra people depending on you. Do take the time you need to replenish and recapture your joy.

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  2. We come to a place and we must rest, so we slow or stop, and everything keeps on going, bunches up around us, or on top. Weariness. You love many things and have varied interest, you are aware of spiritual, beauty and breathing deep restore us.

    Candid post, good post. I see you as a dreamer and it serves you well.
    Take care of you.

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  3. What a dam depressing post dear LOL So sorry your under the weather, you will make it back , we all go throught this sometimes

    The sun must help you feel better, set in the sun , drink wine, do something to get back up and going

    I'll be waiting for a happy post

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  4. Oh my~ The paint brush incident would concern me too. Phew...Sorry to hear about that.

    That story reminds me of when my kids were little. Looking back now, I wish I would have slowed down and spoke to them in a whisper instead of trying to hurry and rush to whereever we had to be. Looking back now, none of that matters. The only thing that matters is that I wish I would have slowed down.

    I'm still in the process of learning to do that too, so don't feel alone in feeling that way. Just take some time for yourself and everything else will fall into place as it's supposed to be.

    ((hugs))

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  5. So sorry 2012 has started out on a flat note! It sounds like you have recognized what is needed and are on your way.... And, school starts back soon :o)
    My thoughts and prayers are with you that peace, happiness and a sprinkling of extra energy surround you and your Marine..
    Have a great day.
    Always, Queenie

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  6. I hope you get your mojo back soon sweetie!! One day at a time and don't put too much pressure on yourself, take your time.......
    Hugs
    ~Leslie

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A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl