Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Celebrating Life... While Confronting Death



































For a couple of weeks now we've been in that awkward position of celebrating Life while confronting Death.  Going on with our Daily routines and rituals as if everything were okay, when in fact it is not, and there are weighty issues and burdens to carry specific to the situation at hand... as well as the everyday things and going on with Life as we know it.

We've all been visiting Nanna (My Mom) in the Nursing Home daily and things have not been well... and in my Spirit I knew... though we hadn't said anything directly to each other... that it might be close to her time... in fact, it was past her time since the Paramedics and Medical Miraculous Technology and intervention had brought her back and kept her going for a while longer.

I hadn't had much Private time with Mom since the Medical Crisis that put her on Life Support and in ICU for a week... and now to a Skilled Care Facility for alleged rehabilitation... in Hopes that my Brother could take her Home to live with him in California if she got well enough.  That was the Goal... but she and I felt in our Spirits that she was probably dying and things were shutting down.

I had realized that my Brother was not ready to let go... and that in fact Mom was holding on until he could be ready to release her to go Home to the Lord.  She is worried about him since he is not well either and wants her to remain and not leave him, they are so very, very close and both have stared Death in the face for quite some time now and defied grim prognosis for years.  She really doesn't want to hold on, she's tired, suffering, worn out and quite ready to relinquish her Spirit and felt that her time was supposed to have been that Morning of July 6th... and now she was past her time and in overtime.  Overtime can take a lot out of players... whether it is a sporting event or the game of Life because you can be quite spent.  

We hadn't talked about it until today, she and I... I had been reluctant to... even though I had felt it strongly... and she hadn't mentioned it either, unsure whether it should remain unsaid or if I knew, or could handle the conversation?  Though we both had a knowing of the same thoughts and it was a relief to just finally say it.  One of her Dearest Lifelong Friends had also had the same knowing and thoughts and had visited her earlier in the day and they had "the talk" too.  How do you know you might ask?  I couldn't really tell you 'how' or 'why'... all I can say is that on both sides of our Family many of us have been able to sense it in our Spirits and you have to learn to be okay with it.  

It wasn't as difficult to discuss as you might imagine... I'd had this talk before you see... with others ready to pass from time into eternity and having a knowing that it was their time.  In spoken words with my Dad many years ago when after a long valiant fight with illness he had told me it was a good day to die as I'd sat vigil beside his Hospital Bed... and had lapsed into an unconscious state shortly after that... and simply waited to depart until everyone else had arrived at the Hospice and said their Good-Byes and Blessings.  And more recently in unspoken words with my old Cat, Rat Boy, who waited an entire extra week to depart because I had not been ready to release her and had cried and pleaded for her not to go... then realized how selfish and unrealistic that request had been... and finally as she gazed into my eyes the Night before her passing with unspoken words that echoed loudly in my Spirit... I had reluctantly told her it was okay... and by the next Morning she had quietly departed... when I was ready to release her to where she needed to go and she sensed I was going to be okay with it, though certainly you still go through the grieving process.

It is very difficult to release those we Love to cross through the Veil... and quite often they need to hear us say its okay and that we'll be okay before they have a Peace about leaving and accepting the Invitation extended by the Lord to pass from Time into Eternity.

We celebrate Life every day... and yet some day we all must pass from Time into Eternity.  When I returned Home from the Nursing Home after that deep Talk with Mom that we both needed to reveal to each other about the knowing... I had more Peace... and I Hope my Brother will be able to also.
And the G-Kids had wanted to have a Mad Tea Party when I returned... and we did...
with luscious confections and Teas with Beautiful Names... and Princess T resplendant in her Tiara... and Prince R reluctantly and tolerantly posing for his photos as always...
Celebrating Life... while confronting Death...

Dawn... The Bohemian 

9 comments:

  1. Dear Dawn,
    you said it so elliqently. Brought tears to my eyes because I feel your pain and know what you're feeling. Your right, it doesn't help the grieving process because the loss is so great.
    Letting go is never easy.

    Bless you and your family ~Joyce

    Calamityjaneslifestyle.blogspot.com

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  2. BEAUTIFUL WORDS OF LOVE! Richard at My Old Historic House

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  3. Oh my dear Bohemian! Thank you for your wisdom and your willingness to share with us so freely. Gratefully I have yet to deal with these situations, with the exception of my furry little soul mates, but because of your open heart I feel like I can begin to see death as I see life. I couldn't ever imagine having to say goodbye to those I love so dearly, but at least now, thanks to your beautiful words, I feel I will begin to let go of my fear and look for that "knowing" of which you spoke. Thank You

    Peace

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  4. Dear Dawn
    Please know you & your family are in my thoughts and prayers for peace and comfort. Much love to you

    xoxo
    Kate

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  5. I "hear" your peace in the valley of the shadow of death. I will continue to pray for you and your entire family...

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  6. I'm so glad you had that time with your mom Dawn. It's so important to be able to say and feel that it's ok. If we could only see a glimpse where she's going we'd be holding her had and begging to go with her....Vanna

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  7. Bless your heart... how beautifully you write about such weighty issues. I so agree with all that you said. When my Dad passed he wasn't really present much in the days before but I was as clear as I knew how to be that I was OK with him leaving. I said it many times and tried to convey lots of love and peace. I know he hung on for so many reasons but I sure tried not to be one of them. I was too young when my Mom passed to understand the process of death. I know she hung on for so very long fighting the super hard fight of cancer. My Dad just wouldn't let her go and me being so young I know that made it hard for her. Life is one wild ride sometimes. You have such a lovely clear vision that I can't help but feel makes it a bit easier... or if not easier at least you see most of what is coming and don't let yourself get blind sided by it. I do not really know you but I want to say I am proud of you. Those are some life long lessons you seen to understand.
    On a happier note I finally mailed off you boxes. I am so sorry to have not mailed them in time for your mad tea party. Maybe you can have another one so that Princess T can deck herself out.
    I am thinking about you and sending you lots of love and light,
    Tricia

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  8. Hello Dawn, so happy to meet you and will now follow you. I know what you are going through with your dear mother. I also lost my mother and knew she was going, just a couple of days before she went I had told her it was alright for her to go, that my husband and my children would take care of me and for her not to worry. I am an only child and was very close to both my parents. My heart goes out to you. Your children are beautiful.
    Many blessings...Lu

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  9. Dearest Dawn...this was quite simply, a beautifully written post. I have tears in my eyes as I write this. I know exactly what you mean about the 'knowing' - I felt it with my own nana, when she knew her time had come. Thinking of you and sending much love across the ocean...and may I also say what a beautiful Tea Party you held for your grandkids - they are lucky indeed to have such a beautiful grandmama x

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A life touched by God always ends in touching others. - Erwin McManus

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino (1923-1996)

For creativity to flourish one should try to look at everything as though it were being seen for the first or the last time. - Quote from "A Thousand Paths To Creativity" by David Baird

Is what I'm about to say an improvement on silence? ~ Galen Pearl